Welcome to my HELL

There is a famous quote that exclaims "War is HELL". I will have to amend that to say Garage Sale Saturday is HELL. It is 97 degrees here in Central Texas, humidity is right around 60% here at my mom's house and the heat index is 102. My mom's neighborhood has a yearly garage sale usually the 2nd or 3rd weekend in May where whoever wants to participate can. It’s big draw and usually a good money maker. This is their 9th year, I think. So I've been helping her with her part in the garage sale since 6 this morning. It was so muggy this morning that the tables were just sopping wet with moisture. Clothes were getting damp. Tape wouldn't stick to anything. How the heck are prices supposed to stay tacked to bins of books and clothes and the cooler of sodas for sale?

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Hispanic people. My husband is half Hispanic, ergo, my sweet daughter is part Hispanic as well. My mother in law is Hispanic, my brother and sister in law are half Hispanic. I love the Hispanic culture. Well, except for Tejano music. I hate Tejano music. But just like there is a difference between Country folk and Rednecks, there is a difference between Hispanics and Mexicans. My husband is fond of calling them "beaners", "spics" or "wetbacks". Well, for those of you who aren't familiar with garage sale frequenters, a good majority of them are Mexican. Who speak no English. Who never want to pay more than 1.00 for anything. No matter what it is.

Now, I'm all for people coming to America and bettering themselves. But, DAMMIT, do it legally. If you want to come here to America. Learn the STINKING language! Don't expect me to learn YOUR language when YOU are coming to MY country to live. This is America. If you want to become American and live and work and procreate here, learn to behave like one. That doesn't mean give up your culture. That's not what I'm saying. However, that being said...Don't try to cheat me out of anything by trying to make me restart adding your purchases several times b/c you are pretending to change your mind and are trying to trip me up so that you'll pay less for more and DON'T think you can stuff an item of clothing into another one and try to pay just for one. I AM ON YOU LIKE A HAWK A$$HOLE! Oh, wait, let me use it in a phrase that you will understand. ESTOY EN USTED TENGO GUSTO De un HALCÓN, PENDEJO! Whether that is grammatically correct, I don't care. Spanish is not my first, second or even third language. I only speak English fluently. But I can tell you the amount something is and then tell you "NO" when you try to lowball me into selling an almost brand new COMPLETE outfit (2 or 3 pieces), worn my my daughter maybe 3 times b/c she grew out of it too fast, for a quarter. I can understand "enough" of what you are saying to know when you are talking about me or my mom, and if you try to jerk my mom or me over, I will stand up to you and tell you what is what. If you get pissed and walk away, no big. I could care less. It's 3.00 out of my pocket that I can get from the next person who doesn't try to cheat me. And I get the benefit of getting you out of my hair. Be nice to me and I will even lower the price a little if I like your personality and you only want to pay maybe 2.50 for it. Try to cheat me and you will be pulling the tail of a rabid pitt bull.

I always say that on Garage Sale Saturday, that one special day in hell on earth reserved just for me, that my mom is the money man and I am security. I get on my camo military shorts and shirt and stand guard with my big wicked knife in my pocket tucked away for good measure and readily available. Some countries cut your hand off for stealing, hmmmm, why don't you try me and see if you fare any better?

It is HOT AS HELL. My mom has her next door neighbor over and a friend stopped by so there are 3 older women sitting here taking all of the shade and the air that the pitiful oscillating fan is putting out as I swealter in the sun b/c nobody wants to move. There are no clouds, no breeze, only HEAT and sweat and headaches, and if I'm really unlucky, which I will be, a good little sunburn later. And now I've got the hiccups from drinking a carbonated beverage. 3rd time today.

Can you tell that I HATE Garage Sale Saturday? I am so thankful that it comes only once a year. Garage Sale Saturday Sucks.

On the other hand, I've probably made about 100.00-150.00, which will take a little of the sting out of the sunburn tonight.