Wise Words

"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14


WWW As My World Turns

Friday, May 06, 2005

Oops and The Beautiful Pain Inside

Ok, yes, there will be a Friday field trip posted later, so be patient.

First up is Oops. And I mean OOPS in a BIG way. I wrote a letter last night to a woman who is my "other mother". She and her husband are my mom's best friends. I have known them for many, many years. In fact, if anything ever happened to my mom when I was in high school, I would have gone to live with them. Her husband was the one to walk me down the aisle in lieu of my own father. I will post about that in a different post for a different time. I love my "other mother". She had emailed me this beautiful story on the journey of a mother. Not just me, but several people. Well, since I don't get to talk to her as often as I would like, I decided to write her an in depth, deeply personal email to her and her husband. I told her about my new job that I will be starting in a couple of weeks. I talked about how things were going between me and Matt, better, and to thank her for her support and biting her tongue, when it was so very difficult for her to do, as she saw me going through some pretty bad times in my marriage. When you're in a marriage that has problems, you don't like or appreciate "well meaning" advice b/c there are reasons why you do things that nobody else would ever understand. Needless to say, this letter was very deep and from the bottom of my heart. I hit the "send" button and off it went on it's merry way...

To EVERYONE on the list.

Oh, yes. OH NO! is right. Like a complete and TOTAL idiot, I hit the "reply to all" instead of the "reply". Right after I sent it, I notices that the "TO:" field did NOT just have "darrell" on there as it should have. It had "darrell, betty,..." My heart went up to my throat, my stomach to my toes and I felt thoroughly sick to my stomach. Not only was this a letter not meant for other eyes, there is one person on the email list that should NEVER, ever, ever have seen the contents of that letter. Someone I posted about several posts ago as part of my cathartic posting process. Too late for going back. I can't retract the letter b/c it was sent from my gmail account and not from Outlook or Groupwise. So I have to sit here and try to not bang my head against the wall over and over and over and over and over...

Life does not have a DO OVER button. Neither do computers. Though, don't I really wish at this moment that it did!

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SIGH. And life goes on.

Now, about The Beautiful Pain Inside. On of my blogfriends, Lois Lane, posted a very beautiful and personal story in her life about her mother-in-law. It is captivating, poignant, deeply touching and a true example of mending bridges. To share something so deeply personal and from the heart to the world is a rare and wonderful gift to those who skim blogs and never really see someone reaching deep inside to share some of their most difficult moments in their lives. Her post today is a celebration of beautiful pain, the knowledge that sometimes wisdom comes with maturity and cherished memories.

Lois, you are beautiful inside and out. You can read her inspiring, touching post here.

Happy Mother's Day


No_Newz said...

I can't thank you enough for your kindness. My post today came from the heart. No plans to write it, no plans to look back. I was in the garage getting ready for the big sale this weekend. I put the radio on. My Immortal come on. I cried as she sang "When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears." She and I lived those words.
I walked over to my computer opened a new document. Our time together just flowed from my heart to my fingertips. My brain was just sort of on auto pilot. I guess that just means, it was time to tell the story of my immortal.
Thank you again!
Lois Lane

Nic said...

I love that song. It's no wonder it brought back those memories! It was incredibly brave for you to just get out there and post such raw emotion as wonderfully as you did. God bless you darlin'.