As I ponder this new life, I celebrate yours

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart...
~ Jeremiah 1:5

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
~ Psalm 139:13

A newborn baby is truly a miracle. Whether yours or someone else's, every child is a gift from God. I received word four days ago that my dear friend Roshel delivered little Isabeau Sheally Rose Fuller on April 28 at 2:33 in the morning. Little Beau decided that May 17 was not soon enough to come out and greet the world so she decided to say hello a little early. This is Roshel's 4th child and her first girl. What a blessing she is to Roshel, who has wanted a girl so badly for years she would ask her friends if she could adopt their girl children - jokingly, we think. I wrote about her fervant desire for a girl in a previous post Baby Showers, Book Ideas and Boogers.

It's funny how some things work out. Roshel would have taken my Em in a heartbeat and, before I had Em, I would have taken one of Roshel's two boys, she only had two back then, without a second thought. My fondest wish for children, other than having a house full of them, was for my firstborn to be a boy. A boy that I could name after his maternal grandparents just like I was. Nicole for Nicholas and Jenise for Jenny. My son-to-be's name was supposed to be Matthew Garrett. Matthew for my mom, Matilda, and Garrett for my dad, Gary. (B/C - no offense to anyone out there, but I'm not naming any girl Matilda and you can't really feminize Gary, except to use it as Jeri or Geraldine. Try making that name just roll off your tongue and make it pleasant to the ears. No, really, go ahead and try it on the count of 3. 1...2...3...Matilda Geraldine. Sounds like the name of a naval ship or one of those heavy duty cars from the 50's, when they still knew how to make them to last and survive any wreck with nary a scratch.) Anyway, I had already picked that name out in Jr. High and, by God, that was going to be my son's name. No way, no how, no sir did I want a girl first. I had grown up playing rough and tumble games as the neighborhood's token tomboy. And I was good at it too. I would much rather be playing football than tea party or, *gag*, dolls. What was I going to do with a girl first? A girl who likes...dare I say it...pink.

Well, my 35th week, I had my last ultrasound b/c my baby had been head down the whole time, instead of the normal "head up" position. They turn pretty much right at 34 weeks from head up to head down. Well, not my child. B/C I had been a breech birth - head up with feet coming out first - they wanted to make sure that my child had not turned breech during the 34th week.

Ultrasound time. I really, really wanted to find out the sex of the child and I was just "sure" that it was a boy b/c during my previous ultrasound, which my husband, my mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-law attended, the baby was "hiding" itself. Both hands cupped down there.
My SIL and MIL said: "Oh, it's a girl b/c she's being so modest".
Me: "No, it's a boy. He already can't keep his hands away from that area. Typical male."

So, Matt and I go in all excited to see how my little Mexican Jumping Bean was progressing. (I'll post the story about that name at a later date). We get to hear the heartbeat and see this miracle that is growing inside of me move around and - I now swear and will stand by my story that the sonographer jinxed us by saying the following words: "Looks like you're going to have a little drama queen".
Me, heart lurches a bit at those words: "Scuse me, huh, wha? What are you talking about?"
Tech: "Yeah, see right here? That's the back of the baby's hand resting against the forehead."
Me, nodding wisely: "Ah, preparing for the great entrance."
And as I look, you sure enough can see that this baby is doing a damn good rendition that is worthy of a great Scarlett O'Hara scene. Drama queen, or, I'm still hoping, king, indeed. We still have that picture b/c she clicked a pic and printed it off for us (plus you can see it on the video). Little did I know just how apropos the description "Drama Queen" would be.

So, the moment of TRUTH has arrived.
The sonographer utters those fateful words: "So, what do you think you're having?"
Me - almost before she can finish the question: "BOY."
Tech: "Nope. Girl"
Me, heart in my throat and not in a good way: "What do you mean? Where? Are you sure?"
Tech: "Yup. See, right here?" She circles the "area". "That is a female part."
Me: "Oh." pause...pause...pause, then weakly, "Really?"
Tech: "Yup."
Me: "Oh."

It hit me hard. Like a ton of bricks. There was my dream of my firstborn being a son going down the drain. It took me three days to get used to the idea of having a girl. Not so bad, since I'd had 15 years to plan having a boy first. 3 days vs. 15 years. So, because I had already prepared for the contengency of having a girl, just on the off chance, we already knew her name. It was going to be Emily Abigail. Now that name rolls right off of the tongue in a delightful way. But really it was a deliberate choice meaning something. Not a random, "We'll see what sounds the best". Emily is for Matt's Abuela who had passed away the previous year. She was full of spunk, even at the end with her Alzheimers. (My maternal grandmother had Alheimers too the last few years of her life.) Matt loved his grandmother and I thought this would be a nice way to honor her and keep the name in the family. And Abigail we chose b/c it means "my father's joy". So we were going to have an Emily Abigail Boedeker instead of a Matthew Garrett Boedeker.

And God looked upon us and called it good.

Hindsight is 20/20. God knew what He was doing when He gave me Emily. Of that I have no doubt. Emily has changed my life so wonderfully in ways a little boy never could have. I don't have a little boy, so I don't know that, but I'm willing to bet the ranch on it. I LOVE being the mommy of one precious 3 1/2 year old girl who, it just so happens, LOVES pink. It is her favorite color. She also loves to play tea party and has more dolls than most girls her age should have. I would not trade Emily for any little boy, whether it be one boy or ten. If I could go back and have a re-do I would choose Emily every single time. She is bright, compassionate to all people that she meets, sweet, generous, loving, extremely intelligent, gregarious, has a beautiful heart, funny and her laughter brings me to happy tears every time at the glorious sound of it. She has a very unique belly laugh and I swear I could pick it out among any group of kids. I could go on and on about all the wonderful things that she is and never run out of words. But do you want to know the most wonderful thing that she is? I can sum it up in one word. MINE! She is most likely the only child I will ever have and that makes her all the more precious to me. I wanted a whole house full of children. I was given one - and she was a true miracle.

I got pregnant after 10 years of being on the pill religiously - before you jump to any conclusions...my mom put me on it b/c I was so irregular in high school that she said she was tired of living with such a b!tc#. It straightened out my cycle and cut the mood swings. So, me getting pregnant on the pill was a real shock. The even greater shock came afterward when I bled heavily for 7 months. I went to a new OB/GYN and she diagnosed me as being anovulatory. Meaning, I ovulate so infrequently, she said that I'm lucky if I ovulate 4 times a year. Which is the reason my cycle was so irregular and my hormones are so out of whack off the pill. Basically, I was informed that it was nothing but a true miracle that I got pregnant with Emily and it would be the equivalent of lightening striking twice or winning the lottery for me to getting pregant again. So, me being on the pill for 10 years + being anovulatory + getting pregnant anyway = ONE BIG MIRACLE.

So, Emily fair. Darling dear, light of my life, honey bunny, sugar boogar, silly goose girl. I love you deeper than the oceans and farther than the stars. And as I ponder this new life that is Isabeau Sheally Rose Fuller, I celebrate the miracle of yours!

Isabeau Sheally Rose Fuller

28 April 2005
2:33 a.m.
7 lbs 0 oz ~ 22"