Wise Words

"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14


WWW As My World Turns

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Obladi oblada...

Most of you will know what comes next.

...life goes on.

Situations come and go. Possibilities are started and lost. Disappointments visit briefly and...life goes on. It has to or else we'd all be sitting around moping, crying in our beer/wine/whisky/milk - whatever floats your boat.

Yesterday would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary. Some lovely and wonderful friends took me out to dinner - we all started dinner about 1 1/2 hours after we originally had planned. Then we went out to a lounge here in town to listen to Rotel and the Hot Tomatoes - an Austin original and an Austin staple of the music scene. We drank, we danced, MC and I got to sing briefly with one of the singers of the band. It was fun.

Unfortunately, we got started late due to, well, just circumstances with some of the people in the party. There was someone that MC and Amy had invited to meet us at the lounge around 9/9:30. Unfortunately that was about the time we were eating. We don't know if that person showed up around that time but by the time we all got there around 11 there was no sign of that person and I don't blame them one bit if they showed up and left when we didn't show up. SIGH. I would have too.

Obladi Oblada...life goes on. And so we pick ourselves up, learn the lesson and move on.

In honor of picking up and moving on I did some blog quizzes (huh? - yeah just go with it).

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting.
You focus on living a quality life.
You're not easily impressed with novelty.
Yet, you easily impress others.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Friday's Feast and the FFT

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how polite are you?

It depends. In the car probably about a 5. Not in the car about an 8.5 or 9. I believe in saying please, thank you, ma'am and sir, holding the doors for others and carrying heavy things for people who can't, etc., etc., etc. It's just the way I was raised. However, I do have a problem with interrupting others and I've been trying to work on that.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

These Jokes from a friend earlier in the week when I needed a pick-me-up:


Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell, which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she said, but there was no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried out a little louder, but still no answer except the echo of her own voice.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and a little worried so she made a quick trip around the inside of the man's head. After finding nothing else in there she yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away.....

"We're all down here."
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says,

"No, its Thursday!" Third one says,

"So am I. Let's go get a beer!!"
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he
ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis!!"
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really?", answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

Who is your favorite cartoon character?

Marvin the Martian. Don't know why but I just love him. Heehee!

Main Course
Tell about the funniest teacher you ever had.

Hands down Fireman Fred Daughtry. He was my teacher in 7th and 8th grade at the private school I went to. I couldn't wait for his class every day. Not only b/c he was a good teacher, but he was a good teacher b/c he was able to put the information across in a way that was entertaining and made you remember it. I just love him. I ran across him last year when I was volunteering and working with the Katrina evacuee's from Louisiana and Missisippi. After teaching in the early 80's, he became a pastor and it was so good to see him and let him know how things were going and that I had a beautiful (almost) 4 year old. He is a good heart, a good person and a former fire chief - hence the nickname he had which was "Fireman Fred".

Complete this sentence: I strongly believe that ______________________.

I strongly believe in many things but there are two that I will talk about today.

1. I strongly believe that honesty is the best policy in every relationship. Lies create situations that become worse as time goes on, whereas the policy of being honest spares a lot of hurt for everyone involved right up front.

No relationship can be maintained or grow when lies are a part of it. Dishonesty breaks trust and no relationship can survive in an atmosphere of distrust. The way I see it, if someone lies to you about one thing, even if it is by keeping something from you, then what else have they lied to you about? As the lies snowball, the relationship weakens to the point of breaking and once that trust is broken, it is a Herculean task to repair it, and in some cases, it can never be repaired.

2. I strongly believe that abuse of any kind (physical, emotional, sexual, mental, etc.) is reprehensible, deplorable and never acceptable. Abuse is about bullying someone weaker than you. It’s about causing hurt and pain to those unable to defend themselves for whatever reason. Never, ever, ever, ever is abuse acceptable against anyone. Ever. It boils my blood when I hear about abuse, especially against the weakest ones of all that need our protection – children.

If I had my way, every single abuser would be subject to punishment IDENTICAL to what they have done to those who they abused. You sodomize a child and/or beat them – guess what, Big Bubba in the state penitentiary is going to be your roommate for the next, however many years. Let’s see how you like it. You starve a child then force them to eat rancid meat, drink a Clorox mixture, etc. – guess what your next meals are going to consist of – that is if you’re given anything to eat or drink? You whip a child, a woman, a man, an animal, guess what? Yup, you guess correctly, you’re the next one that whip will be applied to. I have no leniency with abusers at all. There is a special place in hell reserved for them – it is even said so by Jesus himself.

In Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus proclaims that how you treat the hungry, the thirsty, the sick and other "least of these," is how you treat Jesus himself. Jesus makes Himself the hungry one, the naked one, the homeless one, the unwanted one, and He says, "You did it to Me."

Matthew 25:34-40: [Jesus] ... will say to [the sheep] at his right hand, "Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."

Matthew 25:41-43 Jesus goes on to say to the goats on his left hand: "You who are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me..."

Verse 46 then says: "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous (those in vs’s. 34-40) to eternal life."

Ok, so that should have been the main course portion and NOT the dessert portion, but it's whatever is on the menu as it's listed.
Ok, now for the FFT

Ever wonder what your favorite magazine covers will look like in the future? Well now you can check it out! These are pretty neat. It was something that was done by the Magazine Industry.

Just click here to see what the magazine covers of the future will look like.

Links to other Friday's Feasts:

Thursday, April 27, 2006

A Quick Clarification

RE: My pet peeve on visitors to my blog that was on the HDQ post.

Some clarification is needed on this b/c some of my blogfriends who visit but don't always leave a comment think it's them I'm talking about. Trust me, my friends, it's not. There are people from all over the US who are on my blog anywhere between 10 on up to - kid you not - 50 times a day some days (where do they get the time???) who NEVER have left a comment. I'd just kind of like to know what has them so interested that they stay on for so long and so often. Ya know?!

And now back to our regularly scheduled Thankful Thursday post below!

Thankful Thursday and a blog quiz

~1 Thessalonians 5:18~ Give thanks to God in all circumstances (no matter what they may be), for this is God's will for you (who are) in Christ Jesus.

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Thankful Thursday: What Nic is thankful for this week

The glory of nature that shows in its majesty and beauty the handiwork of the Creator
Music that sometimes can help me to convey what I'm thinking when the words themselves won't come for me
The awe and wonder of a child as they experience things that are new to them that we, as adults have grown to take for granted
Being appreciated for a job well done - though it's never necessary or obligatory, it's always nice to be appreciated for your hard work
Life and all its possibilities that lay before me that have been granted and given by God
The priveledge to be a friend and be able to counsel them in their time of need, to rejoice with them in their happy moments and pray for and cry with them in their moments of grief and sadness
Memories to help us remember the good times and give us comfort and ease the bad ones (times and memories)

Links to other Thankful Thursdays:
Unicorn Child (new "home" of ThT and code)
A Child of God
A Revision
Anna's Place
As My World Turns
Friday's Child
Imagine Bliss
Journaling Through the Valley
LadyBug Crossing
Momma's Life
Mommy Does It All
Mommy Needs To Vent
Show Them Through Me
Sting My Heart
Uzi's Musings
Yellow Rose's Garden

(If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below; or, you can post in the comments)

Click here for the Thankful Thursday code

Click here for Chrixean's blog

Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!

I got this fun quiz from No Average Girl.

This fits me to a "T"! (Even though I'm not a morning person)
You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Two HDQ’s and an Ask Nic

The first HDQ today is:

What are your thoughts on passion vs. love?

Can we talk? Seriously. Take a moment to read the following definitions. Both are taken from Miriam Webster online.

Main Entry: pas•sion
Pronunciation: 'pa-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French, from Late Latin passion-, passio suffering, being acted upon, from Latin pati to suffer -- more at PATIENT
1 often capitalized a : the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death b : an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion
2 obsolete : SUFFERING
3 : the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces
4 a (1) : EMOTION his ruling passion is greed (2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c : an outbreak of anger
5 a : ardent affection : LOVE b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest
Text: 1 a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone they shared such passion that they were married at 18 and have been together for half a century -- see LOVE 1
2 a strong but often short-lived liking for another person her passion passed when the next movie star arrived on the scene -- see CRUSH 1
3 a strong wish for something a passion to become a doctor -- see DESIRE
4 a subjective response to a person, thing, or situation people are sometimes slaves to their own passions -- see FEELING 1
5 depth of feeling your passion for your cause is admirable, but you still can't insult people who disagree -- see ARDOR 1
6 passions plural
general emotional condition people who are swayed by their passions and not by reason -- see FEELING 2


Main Entry: love
Pronunciation: 'l&v
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lEof dear, Latin lubEre, libEre to please
1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b (1) : a beloved person : DARLING -- often used as a term of endearment (2) British -- used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode : LOVE AFFAIR
7 : the sexual embrace : COPULATION
8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)
9 capitalized, Christian Science : GOD
- at love : holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis
- in love : inspired by affection
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): loved; lov•ing
transitive senses
1 : to hold dear : CHERISH
2 a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for b (1) : CARESS (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in
4 : to thrive in
intransitive senses : to feel affection or experience desire

One of my blog friends posted a topic about passion last year. Honestly, this was going to be an HDQ last year but it sat in draft form until now.

Below are come snippets of conversation from that post and its comments. All true and all I agree with – yes it’s cheating a bit but I'm tired today (though more than a few of the comments are my own).

Passion – it's a powerful word, isn't it? It encompasses a strength, just in typing it, just in saying it. When you're feeling it, it can be overwhelming. That being said, however, passion lacks reason. When consumed with passion, you can't very well make thoughtful and considerate decisions. You're lost in the passion, the moment, the person. All that matters at that moment IS that moment. Nothing else. It's a fire that blazes and burns and if allowed to grow out of control, it can destroy. If left untended, it becomes this low, smoldering heat. If not stroked and teased, it eventually dies out. One moment there's heat, and then, nothing but ash.

You can love without passion. And passion without love. Some people may think that love and passion are the same thing. I assure you, they are not. Love is cozy feeling, a warmth that spreads and lasts for years, passes through generations. Love has highs and lows, peeks and valleys. Love is comforting. Love is safety, a surety of things. The knowledge that it will always be, one way or another. Like the sun rising, you know you will have love.

Now think of passion. Comforting is not something you think of when you imagine the word "passion", is it? It's immediate, it's fuel that drives us. It makes us lose all reasoning. Nothing matters at all but the moment of right now. You can have love without all of that. But you cannot have passion without it. And if one is not careful, passion can dance on the wire with a little friend called Obsession.

Both of them, passion and obsession, consume. Both of them control. Both of them burn you up from the inside out. The line that separates them, I believe, is very blurred.

Passion leaves you breathless from the resulting physical workout and romance leaves you breathless from a moment in time with someone that you never want the moment to end.

In the argument of which is better, love or passion; I choose love for the very reasons that are mentioned. Passion without love is momentary and of little lasting meaning. Love, if true and deep, will create a passion far more intense and satisfying. That kind of love lasts, whereas passion doesn't always last. It can fizzle at the sign of tough times. Passion won’t get you through those tough times, love will. Love looks forward to the next 50 years. Passion looks forward to the next 50 minutes. Love takes work, passion takes about 15 minutes if you're lucky.

I believe that anything you have to work for is worth holding on to.

Now for the 2nd HDQ for today:

What is/are your biggest blog peeve(s) from people who visit your blog?

For me it’s when people sit on your blog for hours and hours and visit several times a day or weeks and NEVER LEAVE A COMMENT – y’all know who you are b/c there are more than a couple of you out there (and I'm not talking about my ex either – I shudder to think what he or his hussy would leave – well actually she did and I deleted it.). There isn’t even a “Hey, just want to say neat blog” or “Interesting post” or “Good point but here’s my take on it which is different than yours” or anything along those lines – though strong profanity is not appreciated.

If you’re on my blog that often for whatever reasons you have to be reading me 5, 10, 20, 30 times a day or more for a period of several hours or days or weeks then please be courteous and leave a little note in the comments section. Yes, I might use it in a post or mention it in a post as I did last week, but chances are 99.99∞% I won’t.

The occasional fly by for a while is one thing, and comments aren’t always necessary – though I do like to hear y’all’s thoughts and opinions, but if you are on my blog that long (as noted in the above paragraph) for whatever reason, I’d kind of like to know what has you so curious, interested or whatever that keeps you here. I’ve even had some people email me apart from the blog to give me their thoughts, that’s fine too – in fact, one of them has become a regular correspondent with me and, dare I say it(?), a friend. I look forward to their emails to read what is the latest in their life and their thoughts and I respond in kind.

Anyway, that’s my biggest peeve from those who visit my blog for extended periods of time.

Some clarification is needed on this b/c some of my blogfriends who visit but don't always leave a comment think it's them I'm talking about. Trust me, my friends, it's not. There are people from all over the US who are on my blog anywhere between 10 on up to - kid you not - 50 times a day some days (where do they get the time???) who NEVER have left a comment. I'd just kind of like to know what has them so interested that they stay on for so long and so often. Ya know?!

Up next is Ask Nic:
This is the place where you can ask me anything that is on your mind about me, something you have wanted to know or were just curious about in general. You can ask about my experiences in life and love and parenting, my beliefs, etc... Be creative, be fun, be introspective, but please be clean! You can post the questions in the comments section or email me your question directly to asknic@gmail.com.

I will be posting the questions and their responses soon so check back within the next week for them. They probably will be up over the weekend if I get enough questions.

My wonderfully delightful friend, the lovely Lois Lane posted a question last week which I am answering today. You really must check her out. She is fascinating, witty and a generous spirit. She had other stuff to say but I am posting her question only here.

Please be clean? Well darn. ;)
How about this, where was the best place you have ever visited? Was it the company you kept or the place itself that made you enjoy it, or both? ...

Lois Lane

Hmmmmm, that’s a toughie b/c there are a few great places that I’ve been to but I’ll just list 3.

#1 – This would definitely be the place itself kind of thing. As a teen I went to this Young Life camp in Colorado (Frontier Ranch) that was the most fun, the coolest, the most awesome experience, well, I have to say ever as far as going somewhere. As a Christian group in the high schools, they were totally in tune with the 200 teens there and had this awesome camp in the mountains. For the week we had the YL Olympics with a variety of different sports to compete in with 4 different teams like a horseback ride race, only it was giving someone a ride on your back and not on an actual horse, shaving cream balloon volleyball, etc. They have this great ropes course, horseback riding in the mountains at 6:00 in the morning to watch the sun rise over the mountains and through the trees as you make you way to a campfire to eat a cowboy breakfast. They have HUGE waterslides into a heated pool that overlooks a valley full of trees and the distant peaks. They have musical skits that are hilarious and eating in a HUGE log cafeteria. They held a square dance that was really more of a dance but we had to dress country for it. They had a buggy ring where the wet down the dirt to do dirt buggies. I can’t even name all of the activities they had but it was the most fun! They say their mission is to provide the best week of your life and they delivered! It still ranks as #1 16 years later.

#2 – Kansas City. This was both. As I mentioned in a previous post I went b/c of the person I was involved with and fell in love with it on it’s own merits.

#3 – New Orleans. This one again is purely for the place itself. In my early 20’s I went several times a year with a couple of my close friends but we didn’t go just for Bourbon Street. We went to take the tours and go to the French Quarter with the St. Louis Cathedral and Garden District and look at the houses and go to the Zoo and the Aquarium and the riverboat rides and the open air farmer’s markets (excellent produce there). I went a couple of times with Matt later on and loved it just as much but I haven’t been since 2000. I’d like to go back with friends and just absorb the atmosphere again – though the excessive humidity and the mid-day stench of the garbage in the streets, I could do without. What I’d love most is to go during Christmas time, like the week before, b/c I’ve heard it’s just gorgeous, they do caroling in the French Quarter and candlelight services at the churches.

Thanks for playing my lovely friend!

If you have a question you’d like to ask and have me answer, please either leave it in the comments or send it to asknic@gmail.com.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Three Bucks and Climbing. . .

Normally, this is something that I would typically post on my other blog, but b/c this is a subject near and dear to ALL of us, I am posting it here. My thanks to Jack Kinsella of The Omega Letter for this article. God has really given him a great gift of understanding and wisdom regarding these times we find ourselves in.
According to weekend news reports, the price of a gallon of gas went up eight cents on Friday, another twelve cents on Saturday and was estimated to top four thousand dollars a quart by Monday. (ok, I made that last part up.)

There seem to be thousands of explanations available to explain how the gas in the dealer's holding tanks could be worth twenty cents more today that the dealer paid for it Friday isn't price-gouging . . . but none of them make sense.

I read the other day that the oil companies earn about five cents out of every consumer gas dollar, while listening to some financial analyst on TV explaining why the oil companies are too broke to expand their exploration efforts.

Meanwhile, the price of gas in Washington, DC is over three bucks and in some parts of California, more that four bucks, while another financial analyst was telling me it was all because Iran is the world's fourth largest oil supplier.

In some way, the fact that Iran's exports MIGHT be interrupted at some future time caused the price of gas to spike up NOW --- but it ISN'T price gouging. And the extra buck a gallon we're all paying for the gas that was refined last year at the old price ISN'T really a windfall profit, either.

We're also supposed to believe that when oil companies ALL jack up their prices at the same time to the same level that it is not the result of deliberate price-fixing.

As the price of crude oil hit a record $75.35 a barrel in New York last week, five of the world's biggest oil companies -- Exxon Mobil, BP, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron and ConocoPhillips -- reported combined profits of more than $111 billion.

Conventional wisdom tends to blame the Arabs and OPEC for the global per-barrel price of oil. But there IS no shortage. In fact, oil stockpiles in the U.S. are hovering at an eight-year high.

Kuwait's Oil Minister said he would urge OPEC to "offer all their idle capacity to the market as soon as possible."

"We must do what we can to help the market even if there will be no customers for the extra oil," Sheik Ahmad Fahd al-Sabah told reporters at an energy forum in Qatar.

Current oil prices, noted the sheik, are not related to the fundamentals of supply and demand. He also said the standoff with Iran had added about ten dollars to the price of a barrel of oil, but offered no further explanation.


Nobody is offering 'further explanation' because if they did, it would soon become apparent that there IS no logical explanation. What 'drives' the price of oil is fear.

Fear that Venezuela will nationalize its oil industry. Fear that al-Qaeda attacks might cripple the oil infrastructure. Fear that a war with Iran might reduce oil exports.

"Oil futures are based on people's fears," says Dan Kammen, a UC-Berkeley professor and co-director of the Berkeley Institute of the Environment, (as quoted in a story on the CBS News website). "We buy oil on the futures market. So if you look out in the future, you have to say, is it likely that Iran will have a conflict?"

Some experts and analysts have said the market’s acutely speculative quality (investors get spooked whenever the global crude cost increases) has added a “fear premium” of $10 to $15 per barrel.

Each dollar increase on a barrel of oil translates as 2.4 cents at the pumps. So you are paying about a thirty-cent per-gallon 'fear premium'.

Osama bin Laden's most recently released recording is expected to drive the fear premium up even more.

Try and think of something you will purchase today that isn't affected by the price of gas. Something that didn't have to be loaded onto a truck and transported to the store. You see what I mean.

Now consider the extra thirty cents a gallon in fear premiums that will have to be built into the price of those items.

In recent briefings, we've seen how the first of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse -- the rider on the white horse -- has begun to cast his shadow across the prophetic landscape.

According to Islamic scholars, this rider is the Islamic Mahdi -- a kind of Muslim messiah. Iran's Ahmadinejad is on record as saying he expects the Mahdi to emerge sometime within the next two years -- and that his appearance will set the stage for the Rider on the Red Horse who will "take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword." (Revelation 6:4)

The third rider is also beginning to cast his shadow.

"And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine." (Revelation 6:5-6)

A 'measure' of wheat and 'three measures of barley' represents a day's food. A 'penny' represents a day's wages. 'Oil and wine' are representative of great wealth.

During the Black Horseman's ride, it will take a day's wages to buy a day's food, but the suffering and deprivation will be primarily confined to the working classes -- much the same as during the world-wide Great Depression of the 1930's.

(And pretty much in line with the consequences of a collapse in the global oil market.)

These are but shadows of what the Bible says are to come during the Tribulation Period. We aren't yet there. None of the expected riders have yet made their appearance, but the way is being cleared for them in preparation for their ride.

And we are able to watch it all begin to unfold -- right before our eyes.

"And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. And then shall they see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory."

"And when these things BEGIN to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads, for your redemption draweth nigh." (Luke 21:25-28)

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Aaaaaaand life is back to normal again

The BEST feeling is hearing my little girl squeal "MOMMY!" and launch herself into my arms for a huge hug! Matt brought Em back tonight a little before 6. I couldn't even look at him b/c of yesterday. My focus was solely on Emily. For the first 10 minutes that she was back home from her first overnight at Matt and his hussy's place she just sat on my lap and hugged me and wanted me to hold her "like a baby". She told me that she "misseded" me soooo much and she was so sad that she didn't get to talk to me to say goodnight or have me sing her some lullaby's over the phone. I explained to her that I had tried to get daddy to let me talk to her but that it didn't happen but that me not being able to tell her goodnight wouldn't happen again any other time that she was over there.

She's sleeping now and had me sing and sing and sing to her until she fell asleep an hour ago. As soon as I saw her, I felt better, I could take a deep breath again. My small world was right again. I know that it may not make much sense to many of you out there, but when your child is everything to you and it's been just the two of you for over half of her young life, there is a bond and a closeness that is unmatchable except for the one that you have with God if you have a close, personal relationship with Him.

My daughter is my biggest blessing and my greatest gift. As the first line to the doxology says "Praise God from Whom all blessings flow..." Amen and amen!
Here are some pics of Em and myself from Easter/flower pics. Enjoy!

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For some reason my mom likes taking my picture against a tree. She has a lot of pics of me in my teens and early 20's against one of the trees in her back yard.

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Em and me after a cascarones fight in my mom's backyard Easter Sunday. She got me really good!

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Em after her Easter egg hunt at my mom's

The next pics are of Em in a HUGE bluebonnet field outside of Brenham, TX - where Blue Bell Icecream is made. YUM! I love these pictures of her, especially the pouty one where she just wanted to play in the flowers instead of taking pictures. LOL! :) There's nothing like the blue, blue skies of Texas!

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UGH, BLAH, Ptbbbbbbbbbbt!!!

Man, last night was just one of the worst nights EVER. Yesterday Matt had Emily for her first overnight. She's never had overnights with him before. I can't tell you the emotions that went through me. I was in a training class in a different city all day with Homeland Security as part of my Community Emergency Response Team participation with Austin's Office of Emergency Management. I have to keep up a certain number of hours of training a year or lose my certification and have to take the class all over again. The closer it got to the class being out, the harder it was for me to concentrate.

Not only was this difficult for me since Emily has ALWAYS been with me for nights except for the 4 days during the summers that I've gone to a national writer's conference, but I sent Matt a message around 6 asking him to please let me talk to Emily before she went to sleep so that I can say goodnight. I have never NOT said goodnight to Emily - EVER. Even when My mom has watched her if I've gone out with MC, I've always told her goodnight, even if it's had to be a phone call from New York or Reno or Dallas, etc.. I've ALWAYS said goodnight to her.

7:00 comes around and I want to make sure that Matt has received my message so I send him another one. No response. Emily's supposed to be in bed and sleeping by 8:30 and d@mmit(!) I WANT TO TELL MY DAUGHTER GOODNIGHT!!!

7:30 comes around and I send him another message. Still no response.

I probably sent him 20 messages betwen 7:30 and 9:30 before he finally responded to tell me - his phone was off and she was already sleeping and basically tough noogies. By this time I was extremely angry, unbelievably concerned and heartbroken.

I actually cried last night. For the love of my daughter I cried. I didn't cry over the loss of my marriage or finally letting go of that one person that held a part of my heart for 13 years, but not being able to tell Emily goodnight for the first time in her 4 1/2 years of life...that brought me to my knees.

I sobbed my eyes out. And I'm sure he was enjoying every single minute of it. He threatened to not let me talk to Emily while he had her if I didn't check my phone and have it attached to my hip practically when she was with me. He actually was threatening me (in caps no less). I told him that I would get my lawyer involved in it if it came down to that which he called an empty threat - it's not. It's neither empty nor a threat. It is a promise. I tired of taking his cr@p, tired of the lies and the hurt and the BS. I took it for roughly 6 of the almost 8 years we were together. Never again.

Anyway, I cried so hard that I got a massive stress headache (which I still have this morning and meds aren't helping get rid of), my sinuses are killing me and I feel rusty and just sore all over this morning and dangit-all if I don't feel like crying again. He is such a j@ck@$$ and he knows just how low and where to hit so that it really hurts me emotionally and he has no problems in doing so. In fact he rather enjoys it. Gets a perverse pleasure from it. Well Bite Me!

So, this isn't a happy post - I don't care. I'm NOT happy right now. I feel like stomping and throwing a kiddie tantrum but that won't help eiether. Screaming? Nope, that would scare the cat and probably the neighbors, plus it would hurt my throat. I HATE that he has overnights with Emily, even though he is her father and he is a good father for the most part. I hate it b/c he will do whatever he can to hurt me during that time by using Emily to get to me emotionally. I mean using her absence from me to try and manipulate me emotionally in order to have me do what he wants me to do.

I'm sure he's still angry about what happened with the divorce (after all it has only been 2 weeks) - and like I said previously, that's his own fault for not contacting his lawyer between his initial visit and the Friday before the Monday court date and fubaring up his case/defense. He said last night he'd had "his reasons" for not contacting her. He's extremely angry that it has been mandated that his little hussy is not allowed in the apartments on overnights for several months (though if I'd really pushed for it I could have had it mandated that she not be there EVER at all when Emily is over there - well, actually any unrelated female and not just her). I almost regret not pushing for that since he's being a j@ck@$$ about this.

Child support started on April 15th. I still have yet to receive his check which he says that he's not getting until he gets a letter from some department, but instead of calling and asking for it, he's waiting for it to come to him. Just one more way for him to try and screw me over. At least, thank goodness after April his paycheck will be garnished so I don't have to go through this junk again every single month until she is 18.

Yeah, this has pretty much been the worst weekend of my life. I'm sure there have actually been WORSE ones for me, but right now, this one is front and center and I hate it. I hate feeling weak. I hate being emotionally exhausted. I hate the stress headaches and the sore back and neck muscles and the gritty puffy feeling eyes.

So like the title of this post......UGH, BLAH and PTbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt!!!

At least there is a measure of comfort that can be gained through this tough time in the promises of God.

Weeping may endure for the night...

but joy comes in the morning.

~Psalm 30:5b

I've had enough of the weeping, thank you very much. I'm still waiting for the joy part. I know it will come, but I sure hope it doesn't take too long. SIGH.

On a slightly lighter (?) note, this coming Saturday would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary. So that I don't have to be alone, moping and depressed around Em, MC and Amy (my two dearest friends), Kim, Diane, Liz and Kathy are doing a girl's night out thing possibly with dinner but definitely going out to who knows where - probably dancing. My mom is going to watch Em for a few hours (thank you mom!). MC is such a dear, dear friend to know that it would have been a really tough time for me and arrange for something to get my mind off of it. Everyone should have an MC in their life. :)

Thursday, April 20, 2006

A really fun and requested FFT and Friday's Feast!

Good Friday morning!

Granted, this FFT is a repeat from June of last year, but I've had a couple of requests for this one again so here it is. Today's wonderful Friday Field Trip is a place where you can have some mindless fun. Sometimes the best kind to have.

Today you can CREATE YOUR OWN MARIACHI BAND! Yes, you can create a song and have your own mariachi band sing it online. Just click the link and have at it. You can even send your song to a friend, coworker, loved one...

Enjoy it!

*UPDATE* They are having a problem with the server and it can't be pulled up right now. Darn!

Now on to the Friday's Feast:

Appetizer: List 3 things you keep putting off.
1. Going to the dentist
2. Getting new glasses and getting contacts again
3. Starting a routine excercise regimine - though I'm starting that next week with MC, so soon I won't be able to say that!

Soup: What do you feel is your greatest responsibility?
Oooh, good question. My greatest responsibility is to be a good mother to Emily. To be a good example of what a Christian woman and mother should be always, especially in light of the way things are in the world today. To take care of her, love her, provide for her, discipline her when necessary, teach her how she should act and teach her about God and the Christian life.

Salad: If you could have starred in any movie, which one would you have wanted to be in and why?
SIGH. There are too many to count but I suppose either The Princess Bride or Hope Floats. The first one b/c who doesn't want to be in a story about True Love that lasts? Especially when they've had the experiences I have. The second one b/c I feel like I can really identify with Birdie and what she's been through and she perseveres in the end and does find someone worthy of her who is her country prince charming. LOL!

Main Course: What is an expectation you had as a child about being an adult and, now that you are grown up, you realize you were wrong?
Wow, tough questions today. Ummmm, I guess that probably would be that everything would just fall in to place and that I would find someone to take care of me and love me as I am, flaws and all. Reality check: there is no magic to make things fall in to place. Life is hard and it's a struggle and I haven't found someone yet who was willing to stay with me even when my bad side and my flaws show.

Dessert: When was the last time you had your car serviced?
Now this one is easy. The weekend before Easter. I had my 45,000 mile servicing done on it.

Thankful Thursday

~1 Thessalonians 5:18~ Give thanks to God in all circumstances (no matter what they may be), for this is God's will for you (who are) in Christ Jesus.

Thankful Thursday: What Nic is thankful for this week

The relationship we have with the Father

Today’s Thankful Thursday is brought to you by the songs "Keep Singing" and "In You" by MercyMe. No matter what we are feeling or hurting for or mourning over we can find all we need in Him. He is the healer of disease and hurts and broken hearts. He is the Creator of life and the universe. He is our Father, our Defender, our Intercessor, our Redeemer and our Friend. He is faithful and He is the only relationship that will never let us down, never leave us, never turn His back on us or distance Himself from us. He is ALWAYS there for us. And I am so glad b/c I'm emotionally weary and I know I can just climb up on His lap and hand Him my hurts, my disappointments, my sadness and just rest in Him.

Keep Singing

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through

I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
Oh You're everything I need
And I gotta keep singing

In You

I put my hope in you
I lay my life in the palm of your hand
I'm constantly drawn to you O Lord
In ways I cannot comprehend

It's the creator calling the created
The maker beckoning the made
The bride finding what she's always waited for
When we find ourselves that day

In you where the hungry feast at the table
The blind frozen by colors in view
The lame will dance, they'll dance for they are able
And the weary find rest
O the weary find rest in you

It's no secret that we don't belong here
though set apart by the grace of you
We look for the day when we go to a place
Where the old become brand new

In you where the hungry feast at the table
The blind frozen by colors in view
The lame will dance, they'll dance for they are able
And the weary find rest
O the weary find rest in you....

Where the hungry feast at the table
The blind frozen by colors in view
The lame will dance, they'll dance for they are able
And the weary find rest
O we will find rest in you

Links to other Thankful Thursdays:
Unicorn Child (new "home" of ThT and code)
A Child of God
A Revision
Anna's Place
As My World Turns
Friday's Child
Imagine Bliss
Journaling Through the Valley
LadyBug Crossing
Momma's Life
Mommy Does It All
Mommy Needs To Vent
Show Them Through Me
Sting My Heart
Uzi's Musings
Yellow Rose's Garden

(If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below; or, you can post in the comments)

Click here for the Thankful Thursday code

Click here for Chrixean's blog

Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Hurting, Healing and the HDQ/Ask Nic

My friend MC is a wise woman. Barely holding back tears, I talked to her this morning on the way in to work about the fact that I felt worse today from publishing yesterday’s post than I did the day after the divorce last week. I had debated for over a week on whether or not to actually even post that topic but the recent comment that was left by the subject of yesterday's post made me realize that it had needed to be done to bring things out into the open - the avoidance of secret temptation. Even so, I felt worse about the necessity of having to be cruel to be kind in yesterday’s post than I did about the fact that my marriage was over. I wanted to know what that was all about b/c I didn’t understand it. Why would I feel worse over being frank with someone who was the most important part of my life 12 years ago than the loss of my marriage?

MC put it this way. It was about truly letting go of the two most important men in my life in less than a week and finally feeling like I was on my own. She’s right. They were the two most important men in my life in the past and I have to let go in order to face the future and have a full life instead of a life half lived ("a life lived in fear is a life half lived" ~ Strictly Ballroom). I can’t do that with the ghosts and shadows of the past hanging over me. Still, emotionally, it’s unbelievably hard. That loss of those things that I held on to is very sharp today and darn it!, if I weren’t at work and doing this on my break, I think I could actually have a real good, long, hard cry, but writing is my emotional release for most everything. I’d love to cry but this is neither the time nor the place. I’ve never really been "on my own" and it’s a little scary for me, to tell the truth. It’s an unknown place, an unfamiliar territory for me to step out on and though I am "on my own" I'm not alone b/c I have Emily to consider first. All of my actions and decisions affect her so it’s kind of a double whammy. I have to find out who I am as a single woman (which is vastly different than the last time I was single), as a person and as a single parent and I have to be oh, so careful in doing so.

MC believes that the reason why one was stronger than the other as far as the feeling of loss was concerned was b/c while Matt had disappointed and hurt me many times over the past 7 years, he never apologized for most of the hurts he gave to me whereas with the other person from yesterday’s post, yes, I was hurt greatly but I had years to get over that hurt even though there was no closure and I knew that he felt regret and remorse – through his posted comment last year in May. I have to bring my own closure to this b/c it won't happen otherwise and I think that yesterday was a big step forward to doing that.

*HEAVY SIGH* So, on to another topic.

I’ve been sleeping like ¢-r-@-p lately. I'm sure that this stuff has had something to do with it. Probably a HUGE part to do with it, however, this has really been going on since Matt and I started having problems in our marriage. I haven’t slept through the night that I can remember in almost 3 years. At first it was worry over what time Matt would be home since he never came home from "partying" when he said he would. He would leave me at home with a baby and tell me that I was neither wanted nor welcome to come along with him (even though my mom or his parents could have babysat). Then it became a deal over the questions I lay awake at night asking myself as to why was I not good enough for him and what was my problem and what was his problem and on and on and on. Now, I wake up every hour/hour and a half. There are times where I survive on 2 ½ – 3 hours of sleep – yes I have insomnia about ½ the time. I'm constantly drained both emotionally and physically. My body wants to sleep so bad, but my mind won’t shut down. I don’t want to take anything like Ambien or Lunesta b/c of Emily. She frequently wakes in the night and, God forbid, if something were to happen, I don’t want to be dead to the world (which I’ve heard that Ambien does and our insurance won’t cover Lunesta).

So, my HDQ today is for me. How do you get yourself to sleep and sleep through the night but not like the dead when you’re under stress, depression, dealing with insomnia and other various things? I don’t have an answer for this and I need help!

Ask Nic

This is the place where you can ask me anything that is on your mind about me, something you have wanted to know or were just curious about in general. You can ask about my experiences in life and love and parenting, my beliefs, etc... Be creative, be fun, be introspective, but please be clean! You can post the questions in the comments section or email me your question directly to asknic@gmail.com.

I will be posting the questions and their responses soon so check back within the next week for them. They probably will be up over the weekend if I get enough questions.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Truthful Tuesday - Hey You, Yes - You

This is a different post than my usual ones. This post is for one specific person out there who knows who they are. You knew it was directed to you as soon as you read that second sentence.

* * * * * * * *

Hey you. I know you come by here. Maybe you don’t realize that I know how often, but I do. You who came by a few months later after your initial visit, which turned into every couple of months, and so forth and so on until lately you're here once or twice a week on average. Yes, I know you stop by. Stat counters give a lot of information in their daily reports. You who "anonymously" left a message for me last year and who left another one "anonymously" again...recently. I have one question for you regarding some of the things that you wrote in both posts – What are you thinking?

I emailed you last year right after you left your first comment trying to figure things out about what you had written. You said that there was so much that you had to say to me (but that you didn't want to make it harder than it already was - believe me, after what I've been through, it would have been but a drop in the bucket). I guess that wiser thoughts prevailed though and I never heard what those things were – and that was probably for the best for both of us.

I do have some things to say though.

I don’t understand why you have been visiting here at my place. Well, yes, I do understand that it is a public blog and all that, but why continue to stop by after visiting the first time last year? I admit to feeling a teeny bit flattered but also a touch trepidacious b/c I don't know why. Are you really that curious about me? Do you feel some guilt for a time long gone by? Responsible somehow in some misguided way? Looking for a moment of escape from the stress that is going on in your life? Hoping to find the closure that we never really got? What?

I understood later what you meant during that summer when you said that just because everyone else thought we should get married, did that mean that it was the right thing to do? I'm glad that you made things easier for me to leave than to stay, though it was still unbelievably hard to do, because maybe we were the right people but it wasn’t the right time. As much as I loved you, I would have gone crazy around you and you would have gotten exasperated with my "youth". In fact it seemed to me that by then you already were. I wasn’t ready to grow up and be an adult yet and you and your overly analytical mind weren’t ready to stay young with me for a while longer. Everything became so serious to you that any misstep that I made you analyzed and over analyzed until you came up with more questions than what you had started with. Oh the ways of the scientifically inclined mind – putting everything under a microscope and studying it to death...literally, instead of just being able to be.

I think a part of me resented you for a long time for the effect you had on my life, even as much as I felt for you. You echoed loudly in my life back then and honestly there have been moments throughout the past years where you cross my mind. But that’s life. And that’s the past. We made our choices and we live with those choices both literally and figuratively on a daily basis.

We’ve both changed in unfathomable ways over the years, neither one of us the same person we were back then. Well, at least I know that I'm not. Would I go back? No. I can’t say that I would. As you wrote to me last year "it was that pure and perfect thing shining in the darkness". Yes, it was. Nothing will ever change that. Even so, it doesn’t change life. It doesn’t change the present.

I heard a song on the radio the other day, an old(er) country song by Little Texas. I'm sure you probably have heard it a time or two over the years and can figure out the title of the song. It is very apropos.

...So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about what might have been
'cause that was then and we have taken diff'rent roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been...

Yeah, I do wonder from time to time, but it does nobody any good.

Um, I also wanted to say that your youngest stays in my prayers. I don’t know much about your life – unlike you who can come here at any time and read about my life. But every now and then M and my mom talk about you when my mom goes to visit M&D and M passes on tidbits of what is going on and what you’re going through with that. My mom then feels free to pass them on to me b/c well, I'm not sure why, but she does. My heart breaks for your family. No parent should have to go through that pain and uncertainty and worry for their child. Last I heard, it was looking like there would have to be a 2nd heart surgery - all for a precious child not even a year old. Every child is a gift from God, a miracle and a blessing. I have other friends around the world praying for your youngest too and for your family, for strength, comfort and peace with everything that y'all are having to endure. I tell you that only b/c I just wanted to let you know that, regardless of what you posted last year about what you thought I was feeling, I don’t hate you. I never did.

Monday, April 17, 2006

It's a Meme Monday too!

It's a break time post! I have to say, as I’ve stated before – I love memes! It’s an easy way to take some time and put up a post without having to utilize too many already overworked and overtaxed brain cells – usually. This time I was tagged by Beckie of A Child of God.

Here we go.....

Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. (That's how the tag is, but I don't see how that's entirely possible.)

In no particular order:

1. Spending time with my Emily doing small things like a picnic or swimming or even just cuddling up and reading a story. She's such a whirling dervish of energy and strong emotion that the quiet(er) times are even more cherished.
2. Seeing the expression of unabashed, enthusiastic excitement on Emily’s face. It’s so spectacularly innocent and free of the worries and cares that life throws at you as you grow up. It’s pure emotion and pure joy - no guile whatsoever.
3. Smelling crisp, cold air – air below a certain temperature has a smell all its own that is clean and invigorating.
4. Riding on the back of a motorcycle, my arms wrapped around the person in front of me, feeling their strength and the sting of the air on my face and hearing the rush of the wind in my ears (the better version of this is the bug-free version!). Leaning into the turns and really trusting the person in front of you. Um, it’s been a while since I’ve done this. Before Matt. Still, it’s a lovely, simple pleasure.
5. Singing favorite hymns and a couple of contemporary songs (Chris Rice’s "Come to Jesus" and MercyMe’s "I Can Only Imagine" (the original recording) being a couple of them) and really feeling that connection with God through musical worship.
6. Getting into a pool on a HOT summer day and feeling refreshed and relaxed while floating on the water, sans floating device as the warm sun above caresses my face and arms and the cool water below laps where the sun touches me. It's almost hypnotizing like being rocked to sleep.
7. The sweet, sharp tang of a perfectly made cold Italian Margarita – on the rocks and hold the salt!
8. A perfectly cooked buffalo filet (medium), my really yummy mashed potatoes and a great glass of red wine!
9. Being held by someone I care deeply about, hearing their heartbeat beneath my ear and feeling the strength of their arms around me - it's even better in a swimming pool with the feeling of being cocooned by the water like a blanket. (It’s been probably close to three years or more since I've just been held like that.)
10. A room filled with candlelight. No lighting is more romantic or sentimental than the soft glow of candles infusing the room with their incandescence, casting flickering, dancing shadows on the wall.

I rarely tag, but this is an interesting subject so I am tagging the following: No Average Girl, Written, Inc., One4JC, Crouching Mommy, Hidden Laundry, THE GWB, Lawbrat, Lois Lane, Wild At Heart, The Sojourner's Journey and Parallel Chaos.

Back to work!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Manic Monday - Heat

There are different kinds of heat.

There's the heat that comes from eating a jalepeno or horseradish or curry. The kind that starts out on your tastebuds with a mild warmth that bursts into an inferno and explodes into your sinuses and behind your eyes, making them water and causing you to gasp - or curse - depending on how strong the flame is. It's can be fairly painful but in a way a good kind of pain - well, at least the horseradish is a good kind of pain - the others just burn the tar out of the tongue and nothing seems to help the burning whereas the horseradish only burns the tongue momentarily.

There's the heat like today's temperature. It hit the high 90's today though the temp gauge in my car was at 101 from must sitting in the driveway when I went to pick Emily up from her afternoon visit with Matt's parents for Easter. It was extremely humid too. Hot and dry is good, hot and humid is not good, especially here in Texas. It's a cloying, wet heat that wraps itself around your body, suffocating your pores so that you sweat, even on your arms and can't cool off even though you're just sitting there. It's still 90 at 9:45. This is July/August temps here, not mid-April temps.

Then...there's the kind of heat that comes from a look. From a single glance between two people. The kind of heat that thoroughly warms your insides and makes it impossible to get the person you shared that look with out of your mind. It makes you feel restless and needful and if the look is hot enough, it's enough to make you sizzzzzle, leave you breathless, speed up your pulse, give you butterflies in the very depths of your stomach and curl your toes. That kind of heat makes you feel a little shaky, a lot tingly, empowered, confident, even a little bold and, well, desirable and sexy - it makes you want more. It makes you want to purr like a happy kitty. That kind of heat makes you want to be near that person, to share their space. It can make you, frankly, a tiny bit obsessed over the person who gave you that look full of such wonderful heat in the first place.


That's the kind of heat I haven't felt in a really long time. I miss that kind of heat. Does it ever last? I mean, really, does that kind of heat ever last between two people? Have you ever kept that feeling for that person long after you first felt it, does it burn out if the flame is too high, too much and too fast or does it fade after time once the newness and mystery of that person wears off?

In honor of that heat, the promise of it, the memory of it, the myth of it, instead of a cliched song like "Fever", here is the classic song by Queen from the movie Highlander - "Who Wants to Live Forever".

Who dares to love forever?
When love must die...
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Then Came the Morning!

One of the BEST songs I have heard depicting the Resurrection is by Ernie Haase and Signature Sound. It was originally written by Bill and Gloria Gaither and Chris Christian. It has been sung by many people including the Gaithers and Guy Penrod but my favorite rendition is by the Signature Sound quartet.

The name of the song is called (as my post title states) "Then Came the Morning". I have included the lyrics to it so that you can understand the feeling behind the song. The disciples must have been feeling this way: alone, confused, weary, a little scared and a while lot sad. How could everything they believed in have been destroyed when Jesus died? But THEN came the morning and they realized that everything they had hoped for and dreamed was even more wonderful than they ever imagined!

Unfortunately, I can't upload the audio of the song from their CD that I have, but here is the song from Guy Penrod. I hope you enjoy it!

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

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Then Came the Morning

They all walked away
Nothing to say
They just lost their dearest friend
All that he said
Now he was dead
So this was the way it would end

The dreams they had dreamed
Were not what they seemed
Now he was dead and gone
The garden, the jail,
The hammer, the nail
How could a night be so long.

Then came the morning
Night turned into day
The stone was rolled away
Hope rose with the dawn
Then came the morning
Shadows vanished before the sun
Death had lost and life had won
For morning had come

The angel the star
The kings from afar
The wedding, the water, the wine
Now it was done, they taken her son
Wasted before His time

They knew it was true
They watched him die too
They heard them call Him just a man
But deep in her heart
She knew from the start
Somehow her son would live again

Then came the morning
Night turned into day
The stone was rolled away
Hope rose with the dawn
Then came the morning
Shadows vanished before the sun
Death had lost and life had won
For morning had come

Friday, April 14, 2006

Good Friday FFT

What else could I do for today’s FFT on this Good Friday – the day of the Crucifixion of Christ – than take you to some great flash presentations about Jesus including some presentations about the Resurrection?

I hope you enjoy these presentations and that you get something from them as I have. May the hope that is with those who believe in the Risen Savior be with you today and always.

Hebrew: Shalom uv'racha Aleichem!
English: Peace and blessings be upon you.

Hebrew: Baruch atah Adonai Elohaynu, Melech ha olam. Baruch Shem Kivod Malchuto leolam va'ed
English: Blessed are You Lord Our God, King of the world. Blessed be His Glorious Name Whose Kingdom is Forever and Ever.

The Crucifixion – Jesus Loves You

The Resurrection – Our Blessed Hope

The Father’s Love Letter to You

Can You Imagine?

The Original Interview With God

Interview With God Part II

Interview With God Special Edition

My first Friday's Feast!

Well, I have jumped on the wagon and joined the Friday Feasts. I'll be posting the FFT in a separate post.

What movie soundtracks do you own?

Hope Floats, An American Werewolf in Paris, Pink Floyd's The Wall, Highlander

That's about all I can think of that I know I own. I haven't bought a soundtrack CD in YEARS.

How much cash do you usually carry with you?

Almost none. I never carry cash if I can avoid it. I'm a debit card girl all the way. I have no credit cards except for my work one which is used strictly for work needs and I expense everything that I put on there.

Are you more comfortable around men or women? Why?

Guys. I grew up a tomboy and learned over the years that most (not all but most) women are fake, petty and superficial. With guys, pretty much what you see is what you get. The majority of guys don't hide behind artifice. I have close women friends - my two best friends are women, but I'm more comfortable around guys.

Main Course
What is the most mischievous thing you remember doing as a child?

Um, I wasn't very mischeivious as a kid. I was a bury my head in the books or playing street football with the boys kid. I can't think of anything off the top of my head. I know boring right?!

Who is the funniest member of your family?

In my non-immediate family I would have to say without hesitation that there are four people - My Uncles Bill and Pete (they're brothers) and my cousins Dwayne and Sid (they're Pete's boys so go figure!) Whenever I see them - which is few and far between unfortunately, I'm always laughing over one of their jokes or stories they've told. I adore them! (And they're super duper guys to boot!)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Thankful Thursday - The Easter Edition

~1 Thessalonians 5:18~ Give thanks to God in all circumstances (no matter what they may be), for this is God's will for you (who are) in Christ Jesus.

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Thankful Thursday: What Nic is thankful for this week

The Risen Savior who gave up His throne in heaven and humbled himself to become flesh and become our blood sacrifice by dying on the cross for the sins of the world.
The Blessed Hope that the Resurrection brings and what it means – we no longer have anything to fear from death for those who are in Christ Jesus!
Emily’s early decision last year right before her birthday to accept Jesus as her savior – that means more to me than anything! I prayed for this before she was even born that she would accept Christ as her savior at an early age and show a deep love for Him. Her comprehension about spiritual matters is better than many adults that I know.
The love that God shows each and every day through precious moments with Emily, blessings abundantly given and promises from His Word.
Weather so perfect lately that it lifts the spirits to just be out in it.
Friends who care, who love, who show what treasures they are by their actions and words. Blessings abound with and through them!

Links to other Thankful Thursdays:
Unicorn Child (new "home" of ThT and code)
A Child of God
A Revision
Anna's Place
As My World Turns
Friday's Child
Imagine Bliss
Journaling Through the Valley
LadyBug Crossing
Momma's Life
Mommy Does It All
Mommy Needs To Vent
Show Them Through Me
Sting My Heart
Uzi's Musings
Yellow Rose's Garden

(If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below; or, you can post in the comments)

Click here for the Thankful Thursday code

Click here for Chrixean's blog

Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The day after the day before

What a difference a day makes. It’s funny how the human body and mind works. Yesterday I was pretty good with the whole divorce being finalized, etc. My dearest friend MC cooked dinner for me and she and her next door neighbor and I all ate and shared jokes and stories and it was a stress-free time. It was time that I needed to just give my mind a break.

Today, I am exhausted and drained. I didn’t sleep well last night and actually woke up with puffy eyes this morning – which NEVER happens. The bags under my eyes could have carried my entire wardrobe – including shoes. Makeup is a wonderful invention. It’s not that I was dreaming anything about the divorce or even thinking about it, but my mind obviously in my slumber was going full force. I'm just tired – emotionally and mentally and even a bit physically. I'm having probs with my asthma, and that really sucks. I feel colorless today. Matt started the day off while I was driving in to work by text messaging me some really cruel and hurtful things. How did I put up with that crap for so long? I don’t know if he’s lashing out at me because of yesterday or if he really gets a perverse joy from trying to cause me hurt. He’s done this so many times and so I'm inclined to think it’s the latter, but probably mixed in with a healthy dash of the former.

Anyway, I'm off my game today. My mind is just fuzzy and cloudy and I'm not concentrating very well today and I have a lot of stuff on my plate. I'm actually taking my breaks and my lunch today (I'm breaking right now). Maybe on my lunch I can just get out and get away for an hour. I still haven’t cried over this and I'm not sure when I’ll be able to, but I hope it’s really soon. The pressure inside is just draining me even further.


I will leave you with this, instead of leaving off with the sad state of me right now.

There is a wonderful mini-sermon that I love to listen to, I love to read and it’s impossible to not get excited and get a lift from it. It was given in 1976 in Detroit by the Reverend SM Lockridge. I love hearing him say it because you can hear his passion for the Risen Savior in his voice. Reverend SM Lockridge is now with our King. His words are worth hearing and reading again and again! Especially during this Easter season and with the apostate church so prevalent in these end times. See if it doesn't get you excited listening to it!

You can listen to it here either in Real Audio or MP3.

"That's My King"

My King was born King. The Bible says He's a Seven Way King. He's the King of the Jews - that's an Ethnic King. He's the King of Israel - that's a National King. He's the King of righteousness. He's the King of the ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of glory. He's the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that's my King.

Well, I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don't try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is the only one of whom there are no means of measure that can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of the shore of His supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing. He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. That's my King.

He's God's Son. He's the sinner's savior. He's the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He's honest. He's unique. He's unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He's supreme. He's pre-eminent. He's the grandest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem in higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of historic theology. He's the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That's my King.

He's the miracle of the age. He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. He's the only one able to supply all our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He's the Almighty God who guides and keeps all his people. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. That's my King.

Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. He's the master of the mighty. He's the captain of the conquerors. He's the head of the heroes. He's the leader of the legislatures. He's the overseer of the overcomers. He's the governor of governors. He's the prince of princes. He's the King of kings and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.

His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you . . .but He's indescribable. He's indescribable. That's my King.

He's incomprehensible. He's invincible. He's irresistible. I'm coming to tell you this, that the heavens of heavens can't contain Him, let alone some man explain Him. You can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your hands. You can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him. The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree about Him. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him and the grave couldn't hold Him. That's my King.

He always has been and He always will be. I'm talking about the fact that He had no predecessor and He'll have no successor. There's nobody before Him and there'll be nobody after Him. You can't impeach Him and He's not going to resign. That's my King! That's my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We're around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but in the end all that matters is God's power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? And ever and ever and ever and ever. And when you get through with all of the 'ever's, then . . .Amen.

– Reverend SM Lockridge

May your day be a blessed one today during this Holy Week before Easter.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."- Romans 5:6-8

Sunday, April 09, 2006


I must confess to being nervous about today. Today is my day in court with Matt to finalize the divorce. I have no idea what he is going to try and pull and the unknown of it scares me. I'd like to say that everything will be ok, but with Matt, one never knows. All I can do is trust in God that He will provide what is best for Emily and will give me the strength to handle this calmly.
The Results

Ok, so as of around 9:15/9:20 this morning, I became a divorced woman. Everyone says that I'm holding up really well. I keep reminding them that I’ve had over 2 years to prepare for this day. That being said, it doesn’t mean that a few tears don’t want to be shed from my eyes but I'm holding back right now b/c I'm at work. “WHAT???!!!” you may be saying. Yes. I went in to work because I am the back up to the office manager and she is out this afternoon. I have to be here. A few people have been a little astounded that I would be here. I do better when I'm busy – though I have to admit, I have a horrific headache and I'm terribly thirsty. I can’t put fluid away fast enough. Of course, that also means that I’ll have to take several pit stops this afternoon. SIGH!

I’ve always had to be strong. In 2002 when my mom was diagnosed with almost stage 4 breast cancer three days after Christmas, I had to be strong for her. When my dad died from committing suicide a month later, I had to be strong for my grandmother. When my mom’s first chemo session started the day after my dad’s funeral, I had to be strong for her. When my mom had me shave her head, I had to be strong for her. After my mom had a radical double mastectomy and through her recovery, I had to be strong for her. Before my marriage and during my marriage, when Matt was deliberately cruel, emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive, I stayed strong in my own way. My life has led me to have to be strong, now for Emily.

I have only allowed myself two weak moments as an adult where I could just break down and cry as if my heart were breaking - which it was. The first was walking away from someone who shattered my heart many years ago. The second was when I asked Matt to leave in December of 2003 and he moved in immediately with the barely 19-year old girl that he is still living with today. On those two occasions I sobbed my heart out until I didn’t think I could cry ever again. Oh, I’ve cried before and since, but I haven’t given myself time to really feel the emotions that came with the association of crying. I didn’t have the time because I was at work or taking care of Emily, or in Church. And when I try to force myself to cry...I can’t. It’s there, under the surface, but it doesn’t come to the top. I haven't let myself be free to cry like I need to.

It’s extremely difficult for me to cry when I am under emotional stress. When other people would be boo-hooing all over the place, I can’t shed a tear. I hope I can this time. My heart hurts for what could have been had other choices been made by both parties. Most of all I hurt for Matt. Weird huh? I hurt for what he is feeling right now, what he is going through right now and in his mind and heart. My heart is burdened for him. My friend MC put it this way: he doesn’t have the support system or the faith/belief system that I have. That is what has gotten me through this as well as I have – the support, love and prayers of my friends and family.

So, anyway, the whole proceedings went as well is they could have gone. We didn't have to make it an ugly court case and reached an agreement with Matt/Matt's lawyer before going before the judge and the agreement was the absolute best that we could have gotten without a full trial.

There were a lot of people praying for the outcome this morning. We were blessed and got a judge that my lawyer knows very well. If I had wanted to push for everything I wanted, there would have been testifying on the stand, and it would have been very ugly. The only thing that I did not like to concede to is that Matt will end up eventually being able to have the home-wrecker there after September for over nights, but, all in all, it was better than what we probably would have gotten with stipulating no unrelated females on overnights, which Matt could have then turned around and had that amended immediately and we would have lost that stipulation from the get go – so at least there’s a buffer there for Emily to be able to get used to staying at the apartment with Matt on overnights that is ok. There are also some other amended visitation requirements strongly in my favor that I was ok with. I also got a lot more in child support than I thought I would, though I would give up part of it if it meant that Emily NEVER had to do any over nights with that girl and it be just Matt or at his parents.

My other concern is her Sunday school. He won't go to my church and she loves the Sunday school she is going to – it is the highlight of her Sundays – apart from the picnics that she and I do in nice weather. I have been the only person giving religious instruction in her life so I'm very concerned about that.

Matt was a very unhappy person when he walked in the courtroom. At first it appeared that he was barely holding in his anger, but at the end he was barely holding back tears. I know this is a result of his actions and those consequences but it hurts me to see him like this. He was not smart when he didn't meet with his lawyer beforehand, didn’t fill out the pre-trail paperwork and didn’t return her phone calls or emails until last week Friday – the last business day before the trial this morning, so she was grossly unprepared for this and my lawyer was basically able to get the best possible outcome for me without it getting ugly.

Even so, I hurt for him. My heart is burdened for what he must be feeling right now and, believe it or not, it actually feels different to be divorced and it's a sad feeling. I felt different before today because I had been in this situation for over 2 years, but now it's so full of possibilities and uncertainties that I didn't have before. The rolling off of one weight (the betrayal, knowing that he chose her over me, the anger, the hurt) and the putting on of a different one (all the uncertainties and choices before me as a single woman again but more importantly as a truly single parent). I think I'm going to be taking it easy for now and just concentrate on Emily and being the best mother I can be now that I don't have this whole debacle hanging over my head. For those of you who have given me encouragement over the past year, your prayers and your support. Thank you! Every post, every laugh shared, every encouragement helped get me through this. You are all blessings to me. :)

So here’s to starting out on that fresh road to the next step of my life – Sláinte!

An Irish Blessing
May the saddest day of your future be no worse
Than the happiest day of your past.

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.