Do you REALLY know God?

Pretty sobering words, aren’t they? I’m equally as guilty of Titus 1:16 as most everyone. In fact, even recently, up until a couple months before I had probably the most profound, life-changing experience of my life at the New Year | New Marriage/Mindset(singles) conference with Oneand2 Ministries at the beginning of January. It was nothing for me to love God and profess Him...when it was convenient for ME. 

I meant it, every word, every feeling. 

But when I was out? Especially prior to two years ago I got really good at shushing that quiet voice in my head that said, “You don’t use that language at home, church, or around your kids, why use it when you’re out?” or “Maybe you shouldn't have another drink, you think?” Drowning my Jiminy Cricket (AKA my conscience) was an easy thing to do...uncomfortable though. I knew I was living a separate life often when I went out. The flesh wants what the world has to offer. Who wants to be different from everyone else? 

But that’s what we were called to be...those of us who profess to claim Jesus as our savior. Matthew 7:21-23 goes on to say that there will be many who say, “but Lord, I did all of these things in Your name, for You, to bring You glory”, when in fact it was to bring glory and popularity to themselves and they lived double lives instead of truly living life as God requires us to. And those people were never truly saved in the first place, therefore they will not be recognized by God as His own and will not be permitted into heaven.  James 2:19 says that even the demons believe in God and tremble at the name of Jesus...just b/c you believe, doesn't mean you are saved. Think about that one.

I’m not here to judge anyone just because they sin differently than I do...or even the same way. We all sin. ALL of us. I have my own sins to deal with and that, along with single parenting, is a full time job. Do I think that life from here on out will be perfect and without stumbles and steps backward for me? Goodness no! I am not that naïve. I have been the perfect foil for the other side for so long. I know that this road is going to be a long one. But it is so much better to be FREE in Christ than to be a slave to the world.  

A life of transformation

God has really started a big work in me. The first weekend in January I went to a www.Oneand2.com conference in Dallas. What happened to me was nothing less than mind blowing. Suffice it to say, that weekend was one of the most significantly impactful, intense and transformative weekends of my life. I'm not sure exactly what my expectations for this weekend were...I will just say that they were shattered. This is one of THOSE moments in life where you know that everything you knew or thought you knew and everything that you had been about and lived for is forever changed. So many will never understand. It's ok. It's about living out the change in all areas of your life. It's about being different b/c you have become different. For those who it has happened to it is one of the most profound moments of your life. Everything's changed. Thank God... :-D Romans 12:1-2

39 years on this earth...35 of them in Christ...and this is the first time I feel truly TRANSFORMED and FREE! It was a heavy, heavy weekend with much discussion on generational curses, “soul ties” with others you have been sexually involved with etc. and breaking those. And my experience in the breaking of them in my life that Saturday evening was profound, absolutely chilling at one point and in the next freeing beyond anything I have ever known or felt! And there was a point in that experience where I had to fight from crying that ugly donkey cry in front of 200+ people. You know the one...you don't want to open your mouth for fear that your sobs will sound like a donkey braying. LOL!

My encounter with God that weekend was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Even Emily said when I got home, "Who are you and what have you done with my mom? You're different. Like really different. You're happy. Kind of giddy happy, but happy happy. You're just different." I feel lighter, but heavier at the same time. The heavier is more like a deep profound feeling and weight of increased awareness, but I feel the absence of the weight inside of the very center of my chest, that I didn’t even realize it was there until it was gone, and filled with the most buoyant, light, carefree feeling I’ve ever experienced. My mom said that it was the Holy Spirit truly dwelling in me and being given free reign instead of always fighting with Him and myself with my worldly desires and selfishness of what *I* wanted.

She said that this is the breakthrough that she’s been praying for for me for years and years. There is such a difference in the way that I am processing things, that I am responding and reacting to things and how I am treating others. I SEE them differently. I SEE my responsibilities differently. Was I saved before? Absolutely no doubt that I was...but I never had that OH MY WOW experience that others have talked about having until that weekend.

During that weekend I was told by 3 completely different people, only one of those who even knew me, that they saw me going into ministry of some kind and helping others. My mom has been saying the same thing to me over the past years.

How God works and His timing is incredible to me. Why not before now? I don’t know. I guess it just became where I got to the point that I had to willingly give up my own fight and truly lay myself down on the alter at His feet and just say, “I truly surrender all. I’m done. I don’t want to do this with only part of You. Not my will but Yours...and not just ‘Your will for my life’ but ‘Your will...period. End of sentence.’”. It’s incredible what happens when you stop trying to fit God into the box of your life. Even a couple of months later I still feel like crying over the profoundness of it all...but the good kind of cry. LOL!