2013: My life in review

2 days left in 2013. WOW! Where has the time gone? More importantly, what did you learn in this year? For me, from the very start - the first weekend of 2013, in fact - it has been an incredible year of changes and growth. Both for the better. I am not the same person leaving this year as I was coming into it, and for that I am very thankful.

I have made incredible friends for life, some of whom I've only met once or a handful of times, but the blessing of the internet is that we can keep up daily across the miles. Some whom I reconnected with, whether online or in person. Friends who are of a like mind, friends who encourage, support and speak life over others. Friends who have prayed for and over me. Friends who have listened and encouraged the growth in my life, and have been part of the catalyst of that growth.

One of the biggest changes - and best - is becoming a work from home mom. Being able to be there for my kids has made all the difference in the home atmosphere regarding attitude. It has been a tremendous blessing! The biggest one. It has helped me to become closer to them in ways I couldn't have imagined prior to working at stressful 45+ hour work week elsewhere. It has deepened my relationship with them as I am able to be there for celebrations and parties, milestones and games. To pick Em up "early" - now meaning as soon as school ends - and stay late with Nate when I drop him off.

I am thankful for the incredible spiritual truths that have been brought to me this past year. Truths that have opened my eyes and changed my life. Thankful for an amazing group of women who have seen the transformation in my life and have believed in and encouraged me and spoken life and truth over me. Not a day goes by where I and my family aren't thankful for their existence in my life and the truths that have been so much of the catalyst for the change in me.

I still have much to work on, but then again, we are all works in progress, are we not?

I am excited for what 2014 has to offer, because as good as 2013 has been, it can and will be better. 2014 will be a year of many dreams and accomplishments realized, goals reached and milestones crossed off my list. It will be a year of even deeper spiritual growth and understanding and I know it will be a year of blessings and wonderful surprises because God has never failed me or let me down and He won't start now. I have promises from Him that will come in His timing. Not mine.

That's been probably one of the biggest lessons for me is to be patient and wait. Psalms 27:14 says it very well. "Wait on the Lord, be strong and He will strengthen your heart. Wait on the Lord." Jeremiah 29:11 says it even better. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." If God has great plans for me and if I follow the path He has laid out for me, if I put my WHOLE trust in Him and let Him lead, instead of trying to make Him follow, how can I go wrong?

So, leaving 2013 behind soon and coming into 2014 with great expectations and beliefs about what will happen has me looking forward to this coming year with GREAT anticipation, joy and excitement! I look forward to being a better and stronger mother, daughter, friend, person, leader and Christian. 2014 is a new year, a new beginning, a new page on which I will write victories, goals, joys and dreams realized! Happy New Year to you all and may your 2014 far exceed and outshine your 2013!

Memorial Day 2013

There is something immeasurably profound about a military man and woman in uniform, choosing to make the sacrifice - to leave their newborn, to leave their family, to leave their spouse or loved ones behind in order to protect our freedoms and try to ensure freedom for others around the world. It is not perfect. War is ugly. It is raw. But, sadly, in the face of dictators and malevolent rulers who crush their countrymen under foot for the thrill of power and of the extremists who hate our way of life and wish to crush us under the weight of their malignant hatred, it is necessary. Not only to protect others, but to protect this land we call home. 

Our country asks great things from our service men and women. Sometimes what is asked for is the ultimate sacrifice. On this Memorial Day, and every other, I am proud to honor those who answered that call. I have friends and loved ones serving in the military. I have friends and loved ones who have lost those serving. When a soldier loses their life for the ideals which they hold dear, thinking of the ones back home which they are leaving behind and trying to protect, there should be no protest at their funerals. No slurs hurled at their memory of at their loved ones. No words of ignorance posted. In death there should be no partisanship. There should be a coming together and honoring of their sacrifice...regardless of how you feel about war. It is the honorable thing to do. It is the right thing to do.

It is sad that for many in America today that Memorial Day is just another day to be off of work and BBQ and drink beer instead of being a day to remember those who have given the ultimate sacrifice of their lives so that they can have the right to have BBQ and beer.

IT IS THE SOLDIER

It is the Soldier, not the minister

Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter

Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet

Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer

Who has given us freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician

Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,

Who serves beneath the flag,

And whose coffin is draped by the flag,

Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

~ Charles M. Province

For all of my friends and loved ones who have served, are serving, who have lost those to the ugly affair of war...I salute and honor you and them, today and always.

God bless and keep you, and comfort those who mourn.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. ~ John 15:13

 THANK YOU!

What does it matter where they sleep?

You know, I’ve had a lot of people say over the past couple of years, “why don’t you make your kids sleep in their own beds instead of with you?” Well, as cramped as our small house is, not everyone has a bed of their own right now (Emily does, Nate doesn’t). But this past week it really hit home that having them share my king size bed by choice is a blessing.

Emily is at that age where she could be a snotty tween, anxious to be free from acknowledging her mom. Instead, she freely holds my hand in public and comes up to me to get big hugs from me and the past couple of nights, she hasn’t been able to get to sleep without asking to snuggle with me (which is a lot easier when Nate is not between us – LOL!) She is at a point where she needs reassurance from her mommy and love and acceptance. She is so wise beyond her years in many ways, but still is a sensitive, emotional child at heart. I know that all too soon those days will go by the wayside, most likely, so I cherish each request for a snuggle, each body ache from having her or Nate wrapped around me/draped over me as they sleep. It’s one part of this mommy’s way of giving them that unconditional love that every child needs.

Preemie babies thrive with touch and holding. It’s been scientifically documented that touch relieves pain and stress and preemies who receive frequent touch grow faster and have less health/medical issues. Touch is fundamental to brain growth and function in babies, so why wouldn’t it have the same stress/pain relieving effects on older children and adults? You know it does. How many times has the hug of a loved one helped you to feel better when your heart is hurting or your soul unsettled? With me, it’s like something falls into place. It is a balm to the pain, a calm to the unrest. At least that’s what I’ve found.

With Em last week and this week, she has struggled with the time change and has trouble finding sleep...until she asks me to snuggle with her. She’s out in less than 10 minutes. It is calming and soothing to be held, and I know that for my brainy, quirky, unique, brilliant babygirl, it helps to center her, feeds her need for unconditional acceptance and quiets her often chaotic thoughts. And for my whirling dervish that is Nate, it calms his effusive exuberance when it’s time to sleep and soothes his raging tempers; it takes away his pain. So confident is his belief that mommy’s kiss can cure anything, when he had that raging ear infection with blisters on his eardrum, his first thought was to try and get me to “tiss” it and make it stop hurting. Before any Band-Aid or ice-cube, it’s mommy’s hug and kiss he wants first to take the worst of the pain away.

So be free with your hugs, especially to your children. Even if they say they don’t want one, do it anyway. That one, simple touch, might just help cross a bridge you didn’t know was there. It lets them know that you care. And during their growing up years, that shapes so much of how they view the world. Make it a positive one.

Thank God REDEEMED

So, today...2 times each I have heard the following songs: Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave and East To West by Casting Crowns. I mean, really...what are the odds of that happening, 2 separate times I was in the truck between 30 minutes to 1 hour each time other than it’s a God thing? So here’s what I’ve been thinking about as a result, what has been brought to my mind...

Each of these songs reference the gift that was given to us at the Cross through the entirely selfless act of Jesus voluntarily taking on the sins of the entire world... Past, Present, Future – EVERYONE...mine, yours, the bully from 6th grade, the neighbor that purposely antagonizes you, the murder on death row, etc. He didn’t come to die for just specific people, He willingly gave up His life for all of us.

These two songs speak to me so much because I know what I’ve done and who I’ve been in the past. Who I’ve loved, lusted after, stolen from, talked about, hated and on and on. God says in the Bible that if you look at someone with lust in your heart, you have committed adultery with them. If you have hated someone, it is the same as having murdered them. As the man thinketh in his heart, so he is. (Prov 23:7) That is why it is so important to guard your thoughts and your heart and especially your mouth. (separate post coming on that one).

And there are days when I feel like I’m taking 3 steps back and zero steps forward and immediately I regret, I feel bad...I feel guilty. But you know what? Guilt and regret are NOT from God. God in His infinite Mercy and Grace doesn’t just forgive...He forgets. He erases the board. He deletes the file. He destroys the evidence. He doesn’t remember our mistakes. For all the things he does do, this is one thing he refuses to do. He refuses to keep a list of our wrongs. He just plain doesn’t remember.

But we do. You still remember what you did before you changed. Sins you’ve confessed; errors of which you’ve repented; damage you’ve done your best to repair. And though you’re no longer the same person, the ghosts still linger. They get in your face, whisper in your mind and rob you of your joy and remind you of moments when you forgot Whose child you were. They tickle your mind and say things like, “Are you really forgiven? Sure, God forgets most of our mistakes, but do you think He could actually forget the time you... (insert any instance that brings guilt/regret to your mind)” As a result, your spiritual walk has a slight limp. And when you begin to make headway in your spiritual walk, that specter of the past appears and causes you to start doubting yourself.

Be honest now, do you think God is the voice that reminds you of the dirt of your past? Do you think He was joking when He said, “I will remember your sins no more?” Was he exaggerating when He said He would cast our sins as far as the East is from the West? Do you actually believe He would make a statement like “I will not hold their iniquities against them” and then throw them in our faces whenever we ask for help?

Of course not! To love conditionally is against God’s nature. It’s against God’s nature to remember FORGIVEN sins. God is either the God of perfect grace... or he is not God. Grace forgets. He who is perfect love cannot hold grudges. If he does, then he isn’t perfect love. And if he isn’t perfect love, we are chasing rainbows. But I believe in his loving forgetfulness. And I believe he has a graciously terrible memory.

But with that grace, we need to show thankfulness for it. Grace does not mean we have a license to commit the same sin over and over. God has forgiven us. Given us His grace. We need to act like that means something. Because it does. It means that the innocent death of Jesus on the Cross paid the price for our sins.

God has promised us that if we ask forgiveness from our sins with a truly repentant heart He throws them as far as the East is from the West and remembers them no more. Period. End of sentence. Look it up. Psalms 103:12, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12. How does He do this without having to have a high priest to intercede on our behalf, as it was in the Old Testament times?

Through the crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus who is the ONLY High Priest and intercessor that we require to come to the Throne Room of God.

There is another new song that I heard today that is called “Hello, My Name Is...” by Matthew West and it is what all of us who are in Christ should say when faced with fear, defeat, regret, guilt, etc. over our sins.

“Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The One who makes all things new Has proven it’s true”

So coming up on this Easter season, those of us who have found ourselves in Christ, who call Jesus our Savior, we can say “Hello, my name is child of the one true King. I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free. I am, thank God, REDEEMED by the One who has thrown my sins as far as the East is from the West...through the span of one scarred hand to the other.”

So much on my mind

So, I have a lot to pray about and think about and work toward. As some of y'all know, my work is getting so stressful to the point where I dread getting out of bed every morning. But, I am thankful to have a job, in this economy, and I am thankful to have benefits and great co-workers...it's just other factors in it that are stressing me to the max and the fact that I am not able to be there for my kids as I would like. But...again...I am so incredibly thankful to have a job right now when there are so many who I know that are struggling to find one, and my prayers are with them that God will provide richly for them.

I love my secondary job with AdvoCare that I do from home right now and hope to turn that into full time within the next year or so. This past weekend they had "Success School" that I was unable to attend this time but they had over 13,000 people attend. On Sunday there was an optional church service in the Ft. Worth convention center. You might think that only a handful would show up. No, I was told that it was completely filled to capacity and I saw the pictures, and it was. Many of the key leaders in this company are very strong and committed Christians, several are pastors or involved in their church in some pivotal way. My team in Texas is extremely involved in their respective churches. I love that! They have tickets for 20,000 for the next Success School in February...less than 500 are left. Tickets just went on sale Sunday.

Additionally, when I went "home" to Iowa and Minnesota this past week for a family reunion – first one in 19 years that didn't involve a funeral – not only did Emily and Nate love it, I also started to feel the tug of maybe that's where we belong. Emily loved the small towns and wants to live in the country where life is slower paced, people know each other and everyone is more "God oriented" – this coming from a 10 year old who's lived in the big city all her life...shocking, right?! She loved it so much so, and the chance to be around family on the farms and in the small towns, that she started getting stomach issues (she has a nervous stomach) when we started heading back to Texas. She wanted to stay there. In fact, she wants to live in Dave's parent's farm house and on their farm. LOL!

Dave's family very much wants me/us/the kids up there, as well as my cousins...the ones who live in the area...and there are MANY. I think that all of us would seriously thrive up there, but it's scary as all get out thinking about it, especially when I've never moved from Austin and have lived there all my life. Then there's my church that I so greatly love... Plus, Dave just moved down to Texas, yadda, yadda, etc. While he and I are no longer dating, we are each other's absolute best friends, we do everything together, and yes, we still love each other with all of our hearts, it's just that the timing isn't right...but I'm pretty sure that if I moved somewhere else, he would follow. 

It seems that the older I get, the more mature I become, both spiritually and in life, and the less I find I have in common with my group of friends and I've been drifting from them for a while now. I don't love them any less, I just have much less in common with them than I did a few years ago. There's less tying me to Austin than there's ever been. The only negative is that my mom probably wouldn't move with us up there. She says she loves to visit, but she doesn't want to always have to "be on someone else's schedule".

I just have so much to bring before God in prayer...so much. And I have to make sure that I truly LISTEN to what He tells me. Who knows, maybe we'll be gone *in the blink of an eye* before then, but right now, I know that I have to do something to work on being able to be a work from home mom. The kids need me and I need to be there for them. Maybe that is here in Austin for the long(er) haul.

I posted the following on FB yesterday. I wanted to post it here too. It seems, to me that the more I talk about it, the more accountability I have, the more I am determined to make it a reality.

I have dreams...BIG dreams...that I've been thinking a lot about on this last week's family vacation and I have some hard work and dedication up ahead to turn those dreams into reality, but it WILL happen...make no mistake. I have my VISION, my GOALS, my DETERMINATION and most importantly my WHY. The only thing standing in my way is me. Change my mindset and I change my path. I change my path and I change my destiny. I change my destiny and I change my legacy and that of my family. Challenge myself, my mind, my body. Challenge myself to change my life.

I want that destiny and legacy for myself and my family to be a Godly one full of promise, and I feel maybe I'm being called from Austin to elsewhere in order to accomplish that in full. I just don't know where, but it might be back "home" to Iowa, specifically. At least that's where I feel a tug but God will guide me, I just need to listen, and listen with an open mind and an open heart, which is the hardest for me to do, when I'm so "self sufficient" because I've had to be in order to take care of myself and my kids. I have the utmost trust and faith in God that He will provide for us, but it's hard for me to step out on that faith because I can't see where it leads. 

A great analogy from a phone call that I was on last night at 9:00 with the national team put it this way. There is a difference between a front flip on a trampoline and a back flip on a trampoline. The front flip is so much more difficult, but that's the one that most people do because they can see where they're going. It's stable and predictable...but incredibly hard to do. The back flip is exponentially easier to do, but so few try it because they can't see where they're going.

It's the same way in life. So many people do the same thing, day in, day out because it's stable and that's all they know and they can see where the stable, predictable life will lead, even though it is harder to trudge through a job they hate, or a life that is lacking...life. They do it anyway. If they stepped out on faith, with God's help, even though it is scarier because they can't see where they're headed, it actually is easier to do the unknown and put that hard work into it in order to reap the rewards that will come.

Even when I was in gymnastics and did springboard diving, I always went for the back flips. So I guess I already have that ingrained in me. LOL! One thing I do know...If you don't focus on building YOUR OWN dreams for you and your kids and family, you will always be hired to build someone else's dreams. 

Just have to step out and do it if it is where God leads me. There are a lot of obstacles in the way to get there, but if it's where God is leading, then He WILL provide the way. 

I got chills

I want to go to this Museum of Biblical Art in Dallas to see this. I got chills and teary eyed when I watched this. The mural is SOOOO cool!

Trust...so easy to say...so hard to do

Have you ever just had "one of those times" where it seems that everything you want is within reach and then it starts to crumble? I've been going through a REALLY tough time since early, early Wednesday morning. It's personal. It's taking a toll on me. It really sucks. It's nothing life threatening, just emotionally painful. It's a struggle to make it through the days with such limited sleep. About 5 ½ hours since I finally got in bed around 6 a.m. yesterday morning. I feel like a zombie. And it's especially difficult to be dealing with this on my own, so to speak, with no buffer between myself and the kids. My mom is out of town for a few days so I am putting up a brave front for them but it gets tiring. But, as always, I have to be the strong one.

But God has my back. He's told me so in no uncertain terms. I'm a firm believer that if God says something twice, He's really trying to tell me something – just as my pastor says – if God says something in the Bible more than once, He's trying to get our attention on that subject.

And I agree 100% on that...HOWEVER...if God tells me something SEVEN times...I'd better be listening, understanding and obeying.

All of the below posts are from around 7 or 8 last night through around 11 this morning. All of them from friends who know nothing about what is going on in my life. But POOF, there they were at different times. SCREAMING at me to LOOK and PAY ATTENTION.

As I said...SEVEN posts on the same theme...I'm being given a "God Smack" right upside my head.

3/28 FB Post: Picture: "My child, you worry too much, I've got this, remember? Love, God"

3/28 FB Post: So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

3/28 FB Post: "Doubt less, more Faith "

3/29 FB Post:
Don’t Be Troubled
TODAY’S VERSE
“Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you.”
I Corinthians 15:58
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ”
John 14:1
TODAY’S THOUGHT
In life we will have trials. We will have struggles. To grow is to stretch ourselves. With this come risks. So we step out in faith; and even then, we can have times of fear, doubt and anxiety. Many times we avoid conflict, hide from our struggles or simply try to escape pain through various ways. We can try and ignore our pressures but sooner or later avoidance won’t work anymore. We have to face the situation we find ourselves in. The good news is that God is faithful. He knows our struggles, He knows our limitations. Paul the Apostle encourages us, because of the love and power of God, to stand firm and let nothing move us. Jesus encourages us not to let our hearts be troubled by believing in God who is almighty and all loving. God is for us. He loves us. He is our strength. So today, stand firm, put all your trust in God. Exercise your faith and give all your struggles, trials and temptations to Him.
TODAY’S PRAYER
Father, You know all about my situation. You know my worries, fears and anxious thoughts. Help me stand firm. Help my heart not to be troubled. I do believe in You, dear God. I come now and trust You with all my life.
AMEN
TODAY’S MEDITATION & AFFIRMATION
I will trust in God
Feel yourself being weighed down by trials and tribulation. You burden is so heavy. You are at the end of your rope when you remember to call out to Jesus. You cry out to Him and decide to stand firm letting nothing move you from your resolve to trust God. You feel you burden become lighter. You sense that God is giving you strength to live for Him. You affirm, “I will trust in God!”

3/29 Tweet: "And once again I say... NO MAN can open a door God has already SHUT nor can they SHUT a door that God has already OPENED #DEPENDENTonHIM"

3/29 Retweet: "If anyone has had a rough day: 1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you ". (This actually goes with what a dear friend told me yesterday that God was telling her to tell me to read, which was all of 1 and 2 Peter. This retweet is by someone who also doesn't know my other friend who told me that. How's that for a READ THIS NOW!?)

3/29 Tweet: Tough times? The reason why GOD gave the assignment to you and not to someone else, maybe because HE TRUSTS YOU with the task!

All of these random, posts, all with a central theme all for me. DON'T WORRY...so easy to say...so hard to do, but I'm trying. It's hard but I'm really trying. I'm a worrier by nature. I constantly feel like I HAVE to be in control of my life b/c it's so hard to give over that control to anyone else. On this earthly realm I've never really been able to depend on anyone but my mom and myself and my best friend, MC. Everyone else has let me down in some form or fashion.

God has proven time and again that He is nothing but FAITHFUL to the very end...but my human nature and propensity for worrying is so strong that God really does have to "hit me upside the head" a la "Gibbs" style with these messages. (Those of you who watch NCIS, will get the reference there)

So, God, I'm trying to give that control over to You. It's painful for me to do, so please be patient, as You have already been. But please know that I'm trying. I'm listening and I'm trying.

I love You... ♥♥

Sometimes in the middle of an ordinary life

Close to the beginning of this year I wondered how to trust and love again after the shocking revelation that my now ex-husband had not only been having an affair, but had been living with her in another city, as well as admitting to drug use over the span of the last 2 1/2 years of our lives together. I posted, "God is the ONLY reason that I have the strength that I do. That I can look forward to my future. That I can look forward to loving again when the right person comes along." God's strength and His grace is sufficient for all times, all situations.

Well, the right person came along a heck of a lot sooner than expected. He is, and always has been, my very favorite ex-boyfriend and we dated back in 92-93. The only one I've dated that never had anything wrong with him in some way. It was my misguided youth that pushed him away. That turned my back and walked away. I thought he was "too good" for me. And I was terrified he would never leave the family farm up in Iowa. While I AM a country girl, I'm not exactly farmer's wife material.

We reconnected this year, shortly after I announced my divorce. Actually, we'd reconnected in January of last year, renewing our friendship and discovering a mutual love of many surprising things, but he made the first step to call this year after hearing about the divorce.

Things were different this time. Faster, stronger, better... I asked my mom if she was surprised at the speed of how things were going. She said, "not really". When I asked why, she said that it was because the love that we'd always had for each other had never really died. And she's right. He told me that he's never stopped loving me...in 19 years. He says that if he'd have been a little more bold, a little more brave, he would have asked me to marry him back then.

It wouldn't have lasted because back then. I know this and so does he. I was incapable of being able to TRULY appreciate the goodness, the tender heart and genuine sweet spirit of him, like I am able to now, after all I've been though in the past 15 or so years.

He's always been, "My Dave"...whenever I would speak of him. "My Dave". I've never thought of him as anything else but "mine".

I have to laugh at that a little because I'd asked him back in October how how I'd gotten so lucky to have his love not once but twice in a lifetime. "You're my Nicole"...that was his answer. Sweet, simple, to the point...and beautiful. It brought me to tears. It's really quite possibly the BEST response to a question I've had in pretty much ever. To have his love is...amazing...HE is amazing! ♥

So, I wrote this for him and every word rings true...

“I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out; I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.

I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day, not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.

You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself...”
~ Roy Croft

And that simply is the most wonderful man that I know.

I am the woman who has been blessed to have known incomparable love twice in a lifetime...by the same man. I am the woman who always dreamed of having a fairy tale love, who melts at the words from her favorite movie (The Princess Bride), “This is true love, you think this happens every day?” and who has always hoped to find a love like that in real life...a Storybook Love. I am the woman who has been through the extreme pain of disappointments, letdowns and tears in other relationships, not sure if I would ever find someone who loved me for ME. Who would love ONLY me. For whom I, by myself, would be enough.

I am the woman who put up walls, not to keep everyone out, but to see who cared enough to try and break them down. I am the woman who found the one man in the world who didn’t even have to try to break them down, because with him, there are not and have never been any walls, no barriers, no trying to see if he is worthy of my trust, because he’s always had my trust and with him, there has never been a reason for walls to exist in the first place. I am the woman who calls him my miracle. My Gift from God.

I am the woman foolish enough to have let him go 18 years ago, and the woman extremely thankful to have him back in my life 18 years later. I am the woman he never stopped loving, for whom I AM enough, more than enough, and for that, I am eternally grateful and thankful beyond words. I am the woman who has freely given him her heart. Without hesitation. Without reservation. Without strings or games. Because my heart is his. It belongs to him. And I know that it will always be safe and cherished and treasured with him, as his is with me. As he is, by me.

I couldn’t ask to be loved more completely, more honestly, more beautifully than I am by the love that he has for me. How lucky am I to be deeply, crazily, madly, head over heels in love with my best friend? I am truly blessed beyond measure and I am thankful to God every day and every night for the incredible gift of him and our love.

I can't wait for the start of our forever, for my life with him to begin...

I am the woman who loves him above all others and who is his, and his alone. ♥

Fin

And the biggest news of all...though he lives in the Kansas City area...he is moving here in less than 3 weeks for me and the kids. He is getting his own apartment...has his own apartment. He's never lived with anyone because that's just not him. Not once have we ever crossed the line, back then or now. He's worth doing this right. He asked me back in September if I believed that God had brought us back together, to which I replied, "yes, absolutely". And then he said that he wants to honor what it is that God has given us and do this right between us. I love him for that. Crazy chemistry between us? Absolutely! But we both believe that God's blessings are better and brighter if we follow what He says is right. What a man! What a miracle... What a love! And BOY! What a story!

Enjoy the pictures!

Us in 92:


(Last time we saw each other in 94)

Present day (2011)

(First time we'd seen each other in 17 years)