Wise Words

"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14


WWW As My World Turns

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

When the vows break...

So, how does one go on with being betrayed in the worst way by their spouse? Blissfully going on in life with the belief that my marriage was strong, that I’d finally found someone who was trustworthy...after all, hadn’t he proved it many times? Sure, we’d had a couple bumps in the road since he moved to Midland for work, but we were good.

Or so I thought.

Imagine my shock when I got a call from my husband the Wednesday before Easter letting me know that he’d been in the hospital the previous night because he’d broken his hand.

Imagine my total and complete surprise when I found out that the reason for the broken hand was because he’d not only been having an affair, but living with her and she finally found out he was married and broke up with him, resulting in his broken hand.

On top of that, he admitted to drug use for over two years that he was able to successfully hide from me and a growing disposition toward alcoholism.

It’s easy to hide those things when one acts no differently at home on the weekend visits. It’s easy when one’s spouse hasn’t had experience being around people on drugs and therefore has no idea what to look for and chalks it up to the stress of not having a job for a long time, injuries, having to move to find work, etc. It’s easy to lie when one has successfully lied to everyone most of their life and covered it up more than convincingly.

How could the man who had been such a great father to my daughter and our son, who had been the man I doted on and loved with all my heart, decide that he was done? Decide that he was going to be selfish and do what he wanted and just throw everything away?

There was nothing that I could say or do that would change his mind from the course of divorce. Even though I was willing to work on it. Wanted to work on it because he was my husband and I loved him. I was told that either I would file for divorce or he would because his heart wasn't in it, he had zero desire to even try to work things out. In order to keep the case here in Austin so I didn't have to travel and leave the kids here I got the papers prepared to file here.

Imagine the biggest shock of all when I found out one week later that I was pregnant! He was very unhappy about that because in the state of Texas there is no divorce when there is a pregnancy between the divorcing partners and this was thwarting HIS wants. I went to the perinatal doctor for an ultrasound and there was the teeny tiny baby and a very low heartbeat. Only 72 beats per minute. I still had hope that I would carry this baby to a safe, healthy birth, unlike the miscarriage I had on Mother’s Day the previous year.

Sadly, that was not to be. The weekend before Memorial Day Weekend I started the process of miscarrying and that Monday I did...the day before I started a new job after having been laid off for about 4 months. A couple weeks later I finally filed for divorce. At that point I’d heard next to nothing from my husband other than his problems and needs from trying to commit suicide and then wanting me to talk him down at 1:30 one morning and around 3 in the morning the next time around.

So, the question goes back to how does one deal with these compounding stresses?

Romans 8:28...For we know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.

It is ONLY because of God that I can get through everything that life has thrown at me. He has been my Deliverer, my Protector, my Fortress, my Strength and my Guide. He has been the one who kept me blessedly numb emotionally when all of this was hitting me, so that I could go on with my new job and continue to take care of my children. God is the ONLY reason that I have the strength that I do. That I can look forward to my future. That I can look forward to loving again when the right person comes along.

God has provided for me so far and I know He will continue to provide all of the needs that I and the kids have.

With God ALL things are possible, including a beautiful, bright future that is uncharted and lies ahead of me. Praise God for His tender mercies toward His children. Thank Him in ALL things because everything He does is for our benefit and growth and for His glory.

Hardest thing in the world to do is praise Him for the bad in your life, but you have to remember that nothing happens to you that hasn’t first been approved and ordained by God. Remember, it’s for our growth and maturity. The hard times show us if we will turn TOWARD God or turn FROM Him. It shows us and others the content of our character.

What do you want your character to say about you?