I absolutely hate to admit it, but this is why I no longer have the contact now with those I used to be very close to that I once had. While I still love them dearly, I find that my interests, my goals, my dreams, my life have all changed radically over the past couple of years and these past several months especially. I’ve changed. God’s really been working in me personally and what I once found enthralling and chased after, it matters not to me now.
I prefer to spend time with my children, who are at a stage in life where they need me to BE THERE for various reasons. My 11 year old daughter looks up to me and learns the example that I teach her, and I have to be careful that my actions are measuring up to my words if I want her to be a young woman of character and quality. Regardless of what the joke is...life with children IS a do as I do and not just what I say. Monkey see, monkey do. My 3 year old son needs quality and quantity time with his mommy. Boys need a mother who is engaged and interested in them, because, quite frankly, a mom is the most important person in a boy's life and these are his developmental years. Who I am is the kind of person he will end up looking for in a wife. As a general rule, the saying is true, girls look for their fathers and boys look for their mothers...though there ARE exceptions to this. As a single mother, my daughter may not have a great father to look up to, but she can learn the kind of woman to become by watching me.
The cuddles and hugs and laughter and memories made with my children are infinitely more important to me than going out to a bar. These are the memories and traditions that will linger on, long after I am but a memory. I’m good with being mostly a homebody these days b/c these times with my children can’t be taken back. Once they’re gone, they’re gone and as Aerosmith sings “I don’t want to miss a thing”.
Does that mean that I don’t take time for myself? Goodness no! I just prefer to do it in a more relaxed atmosphere once in a while or go out to listen to some great live music on occasion. And I absolutely love tubing with my friends during the summer. That’s some good Texas fun, right there!!! I might go out with friends one night a week a couple weeks in a row and others I might not go out at all for several weeks and, frankly, while I absolutely love to dance still, bars no longer hold the interest that they once did so my experiences in them is extremely limited now. Literally now only for a friend’s concert or a benefit event. I’m perfectly ok with that because I’ve changed. And I’m happy with the change in me. I’m content.
I have to be entirely honest and say that I don't even think I can count 5 friends who I am truly close to anymore. I have a lot of friends that I truly love dearly, as mentioned above...but genuinely CLOSE friends??? I can think of 3 off the top of my head. They're all diverse in their stage/station in life, and my mom is one.
People I look up to, learn from, take advice from and work on emulating, however...I have a lot more than just 5. And as I continue to work on myself and becoming a better person and building a better life for my children and a better future for us, I know that I will end up being able to say that those people I choose to have as my mentors will end up leading me to find like-minded people that grow in to the close friend category.
You are who you hang out with, what you listen to, what you read, who you look up to and learn from. Where you are right now, what does that say about where your future is headed? Be honest with yourself. When you look in the mirror, are you content and happy with the person you see staring back at you? If not, why not? (Rhetorical question there – answer to yourself). Me? I’m happy. I’m content. Finally. But I have a drive that is starting to build in me, a fire that has caught and is starting to burn for me to become better...more...GREATER. I will get there b/c it’s too important to me and not getting there is not an option for myself or my children.
Why I make the choices I do: