So much on my mind

So, I have a lot to pray about and think about and work toward. As some of y'all know, my work is getting so stressful to the point where I dread getting out of bed every morning. But, I am thankful to have a job, in this economy, and I am thankful to have benefits and great co-workers...it's just other factors in it that are stressing me to the max and the fact that I am not able to be there for my kids as I would like. But...again...I am so incredibly thankful to have a job right now when there are so many who I know that are struggling to find one, and my prayers are with them that God will provide richly for them.

I love my secondary job with AdvoCare that I do from home right now and hope to turn that into full time within the next year or so. This past weekend they had "Success School" that I was unable to attend this time but they had over 13,000 people attend. On Sunday there was an optional church service in the Ft. Worth convention center. You might think that only a handful would show up. No, I was told that it was completely filled to capacity and I saw the pictures, and it was. Many of the key leaders in this company are very strong and committed Christians, several are pastors or involved in their church in some pivotal way. My team in Texas is extremely involved in their respective churches. I love that! They have tickets for 20,000 for the next Success School in February...less than 500 are left. Tickets just went on sale Sunday.

Additionally, when I went "home" to Iowa and Minnesota this past week for a family reunion – first one in 19 years that didn't involve a funeral – not only did Emily and Nate love it, I also started to feel the tug of maybe that's where we belong. Emily loved the small towns and wants to live in the country where life is slower paced, people know each other and everyone is more "God oriented" – this coming from a 10 year old who's lived in the big city all her life...shocking, right?! She loved it so much so, and the chance to be around family on the farms and in the small towns, that she started getting stomach issues (she has a nervous stomach) when we started heading back to Texas. She wanted to stay there. In fact, she wants to live in Dave's parent's farm house and on their farm. LOL!

Dave's family very much wants me/us/the kids up there, as well as my cousins...the ones who live in the area...and there are MANY. I think that all of us would seriously thrive up there, but it's scary as all get out thinking about it, especially when I've never moved from Austin and have lived there all my life. Then there's my church that I so greatly love... Plus, Dave just moved down to Texas, yadda, yadda, etc. While he and I are no longer dating, we are each other's absolute best friends, we do everything together, and yes, we still love each other with all of our hearts, it's just that the timing isn't right...but I'm pretty sure that if I moved somewhere else, he would follow. 

It seems that the older I get, the more mature I become, both spiritually and in life, and the less I find I have in common with my group of friends and I've been drifting from them for a while now. I don't love them any less, I just have much less in common with them than I did a few years ago. There's less tying me to Austin than there's ever been. The only negative is that my mom probably wouldn't move with us up there. She says she loves to visit, but she doesn't want to always have to "be on someone else's schedule".

I just have so much to bring before God in prayer...so much. And I have to make sure that I truly LISTEN to what He tells me. Who knows, maybe we'll be gone *in the blink of an eye* before then, but right now, I know that I have to do something to work on being able to be a work from home mom. The kids need me and I need to be there for them. Maybe that is here in Austin for the long(er) haul.

I posted the following on FB yesterday. I wanted to post it here too. It seems, to me that the more I talk about it, the more accountability I have, the more I am determined to make it a reality.

I have dreams...BIG dreams...that I've been thinking a lot about on this last week's family vacation and I have some hard work and dedication up ahead to turn those dreams into reality, but it WILL happen...make no mistake. I have my VISION, my GOALS, my DETERMINATION and most importantly my WHY. The only thing standing in my way is me. Change my mindset and I change my path. I change my path and I change my destiny. I change my destiny and I change my legacy and that of my family. Challenge myself, my mind, my body. Challenge myself to change my life.

I want that destiny and legacy for myself and my family to be a Godly one full of promise, and I feel maybe I'm being called from Austin to elsewhere in order to accomplish that in full. I just don't know where, but it might be back "home" to Iowa, specifically. At least that's where I feel a tug but God will guide me, I just need to listen, and listen with an open mind and an open heart, which is the hardest for me to do, when I'm so "self sufficient" because I've had to be in order to take care of myself and my kids. I have the utmost trust and faith in God that He will provide for us, but it's hard for me to step out on that faith because I can't see where it leads. 

A great analogy from a phone call that I was on last night at 9:00 with the national team put it this way. There is a difference between a front flip on a trampoline and a back flip on a trampoline. The front flip is so much more difficult, but that's the one that most people do because they can see where they're going. It's stable and predictable...but incredibly hard to do. The back flip is exponentially easier to do, but so few try it because they can't see where they're going.

It's the same way in life. So many people do the same thing, day in, day out because it's stable and that's all they know and they can see where the stable, predictable life will lead, even though it is harder to trudge through a job they hate, or a life that is lacking...life. They do it anyway. If they stepped out on faith, with God's help, even though it is scarier because they can't see where they're headed, it actually is easier to do the unknown and put that hard work into it in order to reap the rewards that will come.

Even when I was in gymnastics and did springboard diving, I always went for the back flips. So I guess I already have that ingrained in me. LOL! One thing I do know...If you don't focus on building YOUR OWN dreams for you and your kids and family, you will always be hired to build someone else's dreams. 

Just have to step out and do it if it is where God leads me. There are a lot of obstacles in the way to get there, but if it's where God is leading, then He WILL provide the way.