Wise Words

"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14


WWW As My World Turns

Friday, December 08, 2006

It's just another manic Monday - on a Friday

So, I can now talk about one of those difficult things that was alluded to in the previous post. As my regular blog readers know, I was divorced in April of this year. After months of trying to get the decree finalized and entered into the court and trying to get a withholding order submitted b/c the court ordered child support payments were not forthcoming on a regular basis and lately have pretty much stopped altogether, we had to go back to court because The Ex was not communicating with his lawyer, was not signing the decree and was not even paying his lawyer so they had filed a motion to withdraw. In order to do things like get The Ex off of my driving insurance, show lenders I was divorced and not tied to The Ex's credit or even if I ever met someone and wanted get married again, I had to have that decree entered into court and have paperwork to show for it.

When we got to the court and went in front of the docket judge we were told that there were no notes pertaining to the divorce case back in April in their system – so, in the eyes of the court, without those verifying notes that the divorce had been granted it was like we had never gotten divorced. My tummy went on a very wild rollercoaster ride.

The presiding docket judge said that if we could find the original judge who had heard the case and had granted the divorce, we could get them to sign the decree to get it entered and filed. But...if we couldn't, then basically the divorce case would have to be done over again – re-tried. My lawyer (who is just the most amazing guy!) told the judge that I had been living my life under the belief that I had been divorced since April. Her response was that she was sorry but unless we found the original judge from 8 months ago, there was nothing that could be done except to re-try the case.

I couldn't believe what was happening. My eyes started to tear up. Here is The Ex who already had another child by the girl that he had been shacking up with most of the time we had been separated before the divorce was final. He was getting on with his life as if he didn't have a care in the world. It looked like I wasn't going to be so lucky.

We went to the court administrative offices, two floors down, and asked if they had records of the cases and who they were given to. No such luck but there was someone who might be able to look up further info, but she would not have been there until after noon. That was not going to happen b/c my lawyer had 2 cases back to back after mine and I had to get in to work.

Thankfully, God was on my side because after some brainstorming we ended up finding the judge who had tried the original divorce case and he ended up signing the decree, the withholding order and The Ex's lawyer's motion to withdraw. So, now I have my copy of the divorce decree that has been entered into their system AND I have a copy of the signed withholding order so that the child support for Emily can start getting garnished from The Ex's wages.

Even though the divorce was finalized in April – now, officially, in the eyes of the court, I am completely and fully divorced.

As relieved as I feel that it is finally and totally over, I still feel sadness over it all. Nobody goes into a marriage thinking they will get divorced before they make it to the 5 year mark – or less. Or at least they shouldn't. If they go into a marriage with the expectation that it will probably end in divorce, then what is the point? What are they trying to do, hedge their bets? That's not a marriage, that is a betting pool and a disaster waiting to happen. I found out after The Ex had been served that he told me that he never wanted to get married and that the marriage had been over from practically day one. He could have said no. He could have walked away. He didn't have to go through with it.

Lessons learned. Don't ignore the red flags. Don't go into a marriage thinking that you can fix things once you're married or that they will get better. If problems exist before the marriage, they will exist after it too. Make sure that you are on the same page with each other. Communicate. Be honest. Fight for each other, not with each other. It's the only way to make a marriage survive.

A relationship works if both people are working for it. A relationship can not exist, survive or thrive if only one person is invested and interested in it. It takes three, not two. Three? You may ask why three. A rock solid, unshakable relationship or marriage takes you, the other person involved and God. That was where it went wrong in the first place. God wasn't invited into the marriage b/c The Ex was not a Christian and we were not living a Godly life.

Ecclesiastes 4:12b: A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

On another note, it's going to be a busy, busy weekend. Em has a final choir practice tomorrow morning at 9:00 to do their songs with the adult choir for the Christmas Cantata Sunday morning, then there's the children's Christmas program at church tomorrow afternoon. After that I have MC's company Christmas party tomorrow evening where I am her platonic date. Sunday morning I have to be at the church with Em by 8:30 in the morning for two Cantatas that she will perform in in the morning. From there I have a late luncheon with my Community Emergency Response Team where I get instructions and parking passes for the Trail of Lights that I am working several nights during the week as well as the Friday night and Saturday night before Christmas.

The Trail of Lights is a HUGE part of Christmas here in Austin. I will be working security as part of the Austin Office of Emergency Management team I am part of. It will be late nights though. The TOL closes at midnight every night so it will be little sleep for me on those nights. This thing is so huge that many people literally wait hours in line to park and walk through it. It is not unusual for people to get in line in their car around 7:00 and not be able to park until at least 9:00 or later. So, if you live in Austin and plan on going to this - GET THERE EARLY! - if not, have plenty of gas in your car and stuff to do while you wait.

It's only going to get busier until this Christmas/New Year season is over.


cathrina said...

i am so happy for u..and how was the singing at the choir.. christmas is the time to celebrate with the close ones..so what u said in your blog is so true..to talk it out..and understanding each other..

scribbit said...

I hope you have a very happy Christmas.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

What an ordeal the divorce was for you, Nic. You must have been so relieved last April. It will make this Christmas a very happy one.

No_Newz said...

What a pain in the butt! I'm glad it all finally worked itself out. Now sing my little angel!!! You will post sound clips later... right?!?!?!?!

Duke_of_Earle said...

Congratulations, Nic! What a tremendous load off your shoulders! We "rejoice with those who rejoice!"


Laurel Wreath said...

I am glad things worked out and I love your advice especially the "it takes 3". Will be thinking about you this Christmas season =)