Thank you for being a friend

Admittedly I have been pretty depressed the past several months, no actually more like over the past three years, with the situation of my marriage and even more recently the decision to follow through on getting divorced. I really haven't been myself in a very long time. I used to laugh a lot and really love live and was one of the most outgoing, vivacious people you would ever meet. Of course, being a mother has really curbed me as far as going out, etc., but it shouldn't curb my enthusiasm for life and laughter. I don't know how to explain it adequately. I've just been feeling like I'm a 50 year old spinster in the body of a 32 year old mother. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being with my precious daughter. She is really my life. And I have really enjoyed growing in my relationship with my Savior that this current difficulty has brought me to. But those things aside, I have lost a lot of the sparkle I had at one time.

Well, Mary Catherine - or MC as I usually call her, one of my very best friends in the entire world took me out last night. She is so very busy being a regional manager for a national company and travels constantly. She's home maybe 8-10 days out of the month, or at least that's been her life lately. She and I have known each other for almost 10 years now and have been through thick and thin. I know her better than almost anyone. I know by the tones in her voice if what she is saying is what she really feels. She doesn't know how I do it b/c I've called her on her BS b/c of it before but I know her. She knows me better than anyone too, well almost anyway. She gives me the absolute best advice and, thank God, isn't afraid to tell me the truth. She's smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous and has a wonderfully sharp wit about her. She mentioned one time that if one of us were a man we'd have been married a long time ago b/c we get along so well and it is true. However, since neither one of us is gay and neither one of us is a man...LOL. We just really enjoy each other's company and she brings out the best in me though we are very different in some of our philosophies and beliefs.

Sometimes I feel almost inadequate b/c she is so amazing and then there's...me. I don't have half her intelligence (she's certified MENSA), wit, charm or beauty. Even before she had her gastric bypass surgery and was very heavy she was beautiful inside and out and I felt so lacking next to her. Now that she's svelte and really breathtakingly beautiful, well, all the more for my insecurities. LOL. But she loves my haircut that I got yesterday. Shorter, kicky and sassy. I like it too.

Anyway, she wanted to do something b/c we hadn't seen each other for several weeks so we went out to an Irish pub downtown to listen to a Celtic rock band that I've heard several times and just really enjoy. I'm a HUGE fan of anything Celtic of Irish or Scottish origin. My DREAM vacation is to go to Ireland and Scotland for at least 3 or 4 weeks to just wonder around and go to the little towns and local pubs to listen to music and songs and have some conversation with the people there. I long to go there, but lack of money and vacation time won't allow it. Still, I yearn to go there. Dream of it, think of it, wish for it. SIGH. Maybe someday...but I digress...again.

So we went down there, got a table up front and had some pints of Guinness and listened to some awesome music and I had a real BLAST! For once I was able to go listen to them without having to watch the person I'm with getting bored and ready to go. Matt and I went to see them a couple of times and he couldn't stand being there and thought it was hoaky. But this time, this time I got to just sit back and listen and absorb and dance and clap my hands to the beat with everyone else and yell with everyone else and it was GLORIOUS!

Before the band started MC was telling me this hilarious story about this barely legal kid trying to pick her up in a hotel bar 2 weeks ago in St. Louis. She had me rolling. One of the band members, well a temporary band member b/c their regular drummer had the flu, came over to see what was so funny. He got a big kick out of the story too so during the break our table became the "band break" table. It was really nice to just sit and talk to adults and have fun and laugh again. About half way through the evening MC leaned over and yelled over the music, "I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! I'VE BEEN MISSING THIS PART OF YOU." I yelled back, "WHICH PART?" To which she replied, "THE FUN PART. THIS IS THE REAL YOU." And I thought about that and realized she was right.

I've been living my life as if it were over and not taking any real time for me. It's all been invested in Emily, which is a great thing b/c we have an unbelievably tight and unbreakable bond, but if I lose sight of who I am, that I too am a bright, intelligent, charming, witty, fun, vivacious woman and have a lot to offer, then what kind of a message am I sending to Emily? That when things go wrong in your life that it's the end and it's ok for you to retreat inside of yourself and just become a shadow of yourself? No.

Like young Bruce Wayne is told in Batman Begins (A completely AWESOME movie) "Why do we fall? So we can pick ourselves back up." With God's help, of course. I'm ready to get back in the world instead of retreating from it. Amazing how the love of a great friend can put things into perspective. MC's friendship is a blessing and I for one am better for it and greatful to have it.

Thank you for being a friend.