Ask Nic Q&A Part Tres

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One of the funniest, sweetest, kindest and most genuine people I know in the blogsphere is next. Susie is someone who is full of heart, full of kindness and compassion for others, full of sass and P&V and I just think she's the bees knees. She has had some wonderful posts that will have you laughing so hard you will either cry, laugh until you cry or pee your pants - or both. She is a family therapist and often has amusing stories about her own dear family on her blog. Sweet Ms. Susie Sunshine asked me her question, which was:

In your best daydreams, what do you see yourself doing 5 years from now? What is your life like, who is in it, how do you earn a living, where, everything? :)

Nic's Answer: Oh sure SusieQ, go for the easy question why don't you?! ;^) I haven't really daydreamed or taken time to do so in, well, years other than to make a list of the kind of person I'm looking for in my next venture into the love pond(?), love market(?), love quest(?)...well whatever it is. You have just given me the opportunity to take a few minutes to do so, so please bear with me as I try to do your question justice, even though it sounds like an interview question, but unlike the interview questions, I can actually work with this one. ROFL!!!

WARNING: the following contains copious amounts of purple prose b/c it's my daydream darn it! (And it's NOT a sample of my professional writing either; it just is as it comes out of me)

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Time: 5 years from now in my “wildest” daydreams
Scene: Interior of a large log cabin and limestone house

Nic is standing in the kitchen which is complete with commercial grade stainless steel appliances including a Subzero recessed fridge and a Wolf 48" Gas range top stove with dual convection ovens, slate floors, natural oak cabinets, marble counter tops and a huge island in the middle which doubles as a breakfast bar. The walls are painted a light peach color, so light that you can hardly see the color, but it adds warmth to the kitchen. The skylights let the sun in over head and the French style doors are open, leading to the deck in the back yard.

The kitchen itself is HUGE, taking up what would probably have been the entire kitchen, living room and dining room area of where she used to live (which in an 1100 square foot place it ain't that hard to do). Along with the doors, the windows are open letting in the cool spring breeze as it carries with it the fresh scent of pine, roses, basil and rosemary from the trees and bushes that are outside in the yard and the basil and rosemary pots that are setting on the window sills. She walks over to the doors to watch her daughters playing in the back yard.

It's the end of Spring Break and she can hear Emily, who is now 9, playing outside with her younger sister, 3 year old Hannah Grace. The sound of her children's laughter makes her eyes water with tears of happiness at how abundantly she’s been blessed. Who would have thought that five years ago she was depressed, going through a painful divorce and rather lonely and empty feeling on the inside wondering if she would ever be able to find someone who would love her for her and be everything she had dreamed of?

Nic walks over to the Subzero fridge and gets out some wonderfully tart-sweet raspberry lemonade. Oh! Baby #3 likes it too and moves around doing a little happy dance. She's secretly glad that it's a little boy this time. She's always wanted a little boy even though her daughters are the lights of her life!

Nic takes a pitcher of the lemonade, cups and warm, homemade cookies fresh from the oven and brings them out to her two precious girls, setting the snack and drink on the wrought iron table set on the large wood deck that overlooks their rather expansive, perfectly landscaped and manicured backyard. As the girls run up to the large wood deck, she sits down in a very comfortable high back coil spring chair. She talks to Emily and Hannah and smiles as they in turn put their faces up to her rather big belly and talk to the little life inside. They giggle as the baby moves around from hearing their voices. He can't wait to come out and meet them, and they can't wait for him to get here. She gives them tons of hugs and kisses and then as she watches them go back to playing she works on her laptop which she had brought outside earlier.

She writes stories now. Popular stories of all kinds. Some are stories that help other women through what she went through and help them to find strength in their relationship with God instead of trying to find their self-worth in a man. Some are children's books based on her own children and the questions they ask about life and God and just things kids want to know the answer to. She is currently writing a romance now. It’s about a single mother who finds the love that she always dreamed of finding. Someone who would complete her, be the other half of herself. An autobiographical romance? Well maybe a little bit of it is but most of it is not.

Nic no longer works outside the home and, thanks to the affluence of her husband, is now a stay at home mom in a luxurious 7,000 square foot, 5 bedroom home that has an awesome Jacuzzi garden tub in the master bathroom and a heated pool in part of their 2 acre back yard that is the manicured portion of the 425 acres the house sits on about 40 miles from the mountains. There’s a rifle range, a horse barn complete with horses and a stream further out on their property where the prettiest bunch of wildflowers grow. They regularly take the girls camping on their property for a weekend and even have good old fashioned country/Celtic dances in the warmer weather at the pavilion on their property several hundred yards from the house. She has a new minivan with the automatic doors and tailgate, stow and go seats, dual DVD players and a voice activated navigation system, something she's always wanted but never had in her other minivan.

Nic hears footsteps on the deck behind her and shivers run down her arms and back as a kiss is placed on the side of her neck.

"Miss me much?" a low voice softly rumbles in her ear.

"Always", she replies with a smile and leans back into a strong embrace as her husband wraps his arms around her and places his hands on her belly. He grins as the baby kicks at his hands.

"Active today isn't he?” her husband chuckles.

"You have no idea. What are you doing home so early?" It is only about 1:00 in the afternoon.

"It's such a beautiful day and I thought that with my three beautiful girls sitting there back at home it would be a shame to waste a day like today cooped up inside. So I left for the afternoon to spend an extended weekend with my family. You and Jr. up for steak and potatoes tonight?"

Nic laughs, "When am I ever NOT up for steak and potatoes?! You grill and I'll do potatoes. The girls can make cookie ice cream sandwiches for dessert."

Her husband stands up all the way as the girls come running over shrieking as he lifts them both into the air and swings them around. Her husband is kind, honest, faithful, a devoted husband and father. He is generous to a fault and loves giving to others. It doesn’t hurt that he is good with money and is nice to look at, but that was never so very important to her. What matters to her is that he is her best friend, that he truly cherishes her and makes her feel loved; makes her feel like she has finally found a place to call home with him that she has someone who can be strong for her instead of her having to be strong for everyone else. She also likes that there’s a little bit of a rebel in him too with the couple of tats that he has and the big rumbling motorcycle he rides for fun. It’s, dare she say it(?)...sexy.

Yes, life is good, beautiful even. She even got to have her trip to Ireland and Scotland - twice. The first time for their honeymoon and the second time with Emily. Hannah Grace was the little souvenir that they discovered about two months later that they had taken home on that trip.

Emily goes to a private, as in Christian, school and is excelling in her classes. She's even a year ahead for her age. She loves swimming, soccer, dance and horseback riding and she really enjoys the time that she gets to go back to Austin and spend with her daddy, Matt (who no longer has anything to do with the girl he had been living with after he discovered that she indeed had intended to have him for herself when he was still married to Nic), his parents, siblings and nieces and nephews, though she doesn't get to see her older brother Brian very often as he is away at college. She is active in the children's choir at their church and loves her mommy "like a garden with many beautiful flowers". Emily is only a few inches shorter than Nic now. Definitely has her dad's height.

Nic's mom moved with her when Nic got married b/c they share an unbreakable bond. One would really kind of be lost without the other. She now lives in a house of her own 5 miles away, retired and loves being able to see her grandkids grow up. Every now and then she goes on the Gaither cruises with Marty and Darrell, her best friends. She enjoys being able to go home every year to see her family. Nic and the kids and her husband make a point to try and get there every year as well. He really likes her quirky, close-knit relatives.

Nic keeps in touch with her two dearest friends in the world on a weekly basis, sometimes more. MC is 41 now, married to the man of her dreams, has two amazing young children of her own and is living a wonderfully fabulous and fulfilling life as one of the Executive Vice President's of the national company she and Nic both started out with 16 years ago. She still dazzles everyone who meets her with her beauty, her kindness, her unbelievable wit and her charm.

Her other dear friend Amy, though not married, is living a very happy life with the man she considers her soul mate. They may live a Kurt and Goldie life or they may get married...someday. Due to some serious breakthroughs with autism, her oldest son Brian is beginning to learn to live a healthy and productive life and things only look uphill from here for him. Her youngest son Gavin is still an unbelievable flirt and the class favorite with all the girls and he's not even in high school yet. She is a multi-award winning, best selling author whose hotter than HOT paranormal romances fly off the shelves almost faster than they can be stocked. Nic thinks Amy has some magic in her fingers and reads every special copy that Amy personally sends her way in less than 3 hours. Nic laughs with both of them about the different struggles they all went through around the same time back in 2005/2006 and realizes that true friendship is made even stronger in adversity and she so thankful for them. She’s even thankful for the thorns among the roses b/c they allowed her to more fully appreciate the abundance of blessings that she has been given after years of struggle and heartache.

Nic also is very proud of her friend, Chris, who has become the new Suze Brockmann with her popular action adventure romances. She always knew that Chris could do it and the success is very, very sweet for Nic to see. Chris now lives in Scotland and is married to a genuine Scottish laird that she met on a trip over there. They stayed up all night talking in a pub and he just fell for Chris's wit and personality and asked her to marry him within a month of meeting her. She's been there ever since. Sometimes she misses the kids she used to teach back in Austin, but she gets over it real quick.

Nic still blogs on an almost daily basis and has finally dealt with doing dishes in the dishwasher. She never dislike doing dished in the dishwasher but she always hated doing dishes by hand. And of course, there is a maid that comes three times a week to clean and do laundry.

Life is very, very good. Thank you God.

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SIGH...*SNIFF-SNIFF* That was lovely. SIGH. Let me take a moment.
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Ok, back to reality.

Emily actually said that she loved me like a garden full of beautiful flowers on Thursday night so I had to add that into my dream. She just melts me! So Susie I think that in your profession you can see that I’m not looking to break out into something wild, I’m dreaming and yearning for a stable family life, for a love that exceeds my expectations and far eclipses my previous experiences as well as the ability to do what I always wanted to do ever since I was a little girl, which was be a SAHM. My wildest dreams aren’t really so wild. LOL! I had my wild days in my early 20’s and wouldn’t go back there for the world. Too much drinking and partying, too many hangovers, too much superficiality, not enough grounded reality. Thank you my friend for giving me the opportunity to take a moment and dream about what my future could possibly be someday. You’re my own faux fairy godmother. LOL!


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The next question is from a very neat guy. He is a single father and in law enforcement in California. He is smart, loves God greatly, loves to praise the Lord using his mighty voice in song and is full of compassion. It is with joy that I introduce you to Mike J.

Mike’s question is from the perspective of someone who has gone through what I am going through currently and is curious about my perspective on it.

Mike asked:

How are your Christian friends/pastors/mentors, etc, dealing with your decision to divorce? I got many different responses from my friends and pastors, most of them supportive, a few of them not so much so. I'm wondering if there is anything in particular that someone has told you that has brought comfort, or set your mind at ease, or maybe set you to re-think anything in light of a new insight?

Nic’s Answer: Wanting me to dig a little deep there aren’t ya buddy? Just kidding, Mike. Whew, ok, this answer requires a bit of digressing and exposition at points in order to get it all out.

I have yet to have one Christian friend/pastor/mentor/counselor say that I made the wrong decision. They all know what my story is and they all have seen the toll it has taken on me and Emily and my mom and down to a single one they all said “It’s about time” or “What took you so long?”. My pastor let me know that he hates divorce but that he felt that I had given Matt ample time (over two years of separation), that I had given him the chance to work on things but that when Matt went back to that girl that even God was giving me Biblical grounds for divorce. (Here comes the digression and exposition part).

Paul, in 1 Cor. 7:10-16, speaks to those who are married to unbelievers, encouraging them to stay together, working to bring their partners to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. The apostle Peter also encourages wives of unbelievers to work to win their husbands to the Lord (1 Peter 3:1-2). Obviously, religiously mixed marriages are not the ideal situation. In fact, there are serious problems involved with such unions, and many are destined to fail. Nevertheless, they do exist, and Christians who find themselves in such circumstances should do their best to bring a positive influence to these relationships.

However, that being said, 1 Cor 7:15 gives one of the rare Biblical grounds for a believer to get divorced (the other is adultery, well I guess I actually had both of those then). But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. Matt said that he wanted to work on the marriage and said that he didn’t want to end it, but his actions, by going back to that girl proved otherwise. He decided to do his own thing by moving back in with her and so I let him and filed for divorce. I got too tired of coming in third in his life behind Emily and another female. As Paul says, "God has called us to live in peace" and Matt and I can not live in peace at this time b/c we don't even see the situation the same way and he will not let go of her and I will not tolerate him even having any kind of relationship with her. It's either her or me and he chose her.

Paul also admonishes Christians to not yoke themselves to unbelievers in 2 Cor 6:14-15. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial (the Devil)? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? Paul is talking about the partnership of moral opposites: What do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (v. 14) . The believer and the unbeliever are driven by a different set of values, the one characterized by righteousness, the other by lawlessness. There are no shared values because the one follows God's will and the other does not. So there can be no real partnership between them.

I chose who I wanted to marry instead of waiting for who God had in mind for me and the deterioration of my marriage was the end result b/c while I saw something wrong in my husband spending time with a girl in her teens that he worked with, carrying on conversations at all times of the day and night with her, going out with her, and while I saw something very wrong with a young girl who would choose a married man with a young child as her confidant , party partner and consoler, neither one of them saw anything wrong with it at all. If either one of them were Christians in any sense of the word, their relationship would never have happened as it did.

Now that also being said, I did not do as Paul encouraged which was to have believing wives work on winning their unbelieving husbands for Christ. Yes I prayed for him on a constant basis but that was about it. I do bear responsibility for the things that I did or did not do in the relationship which only served to further deteriorate it. Matt doesn’t bear all of the responsibility for the end of the marriage and it would not be fair of me to say that he did. However, the last several months it felt and became clear that I was the only one who seemed to still be interested in saving the marriage.

To answer your second question, the comfort I draw is from my growing relationship with the Lord and with my daughter as she grows older. I draw comfort from the love and support of my mom and from my friends who encourage me to not give in to the depression, the hurt and the pain that shadows me on almost a daily basis. Nobody has said anything to me that really has stood out b/c I don’t talk about this in depth with too many people.

I will always have deep regret over the end of my marriage; I will always have love for Matt in my heart. Divorce is an ugly and painful thing for someone who expects to be married to that person forever and thinks that they can work through anything, only to find out otherwise.

Mike, great, great questions. Thanks so much for asking them and allowing me to get my position out there as to why any Christian would ever choose to divorce, especially as I had a commentor back at the beginning of December who asked "Wasn't the Christian view of divorce to not get divorced?".
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The next person to ask me a question is also a fellow Texan who lives about 3 hours away. She is a true blue blogfriend. Someoe who has been sweet and kind and has always been willing to lend a virtual ear to me. It's great to know that there are people in the world like her who care so deeply about others that she is willing to be there for them even though she has never met them in person. Hopefully some day there will be time to grab a few hours to meet in person. epiphany asked me:

What do you love most about being a Christian?
AND
What do you love most about being a mother?

Nic's Answer's: Hmmmm, this one required some thought on the first question but I came up with a few answers b/c on both quesions there is not just one thing that I could answer as the top thing. What I like best about being a Christian is (in no particular order):
1. I have someone who listens to me 24/7, who is never too tired to let me talk to them, who always is interested in my worries, my concerns, my fears, my tears, my hurts, my anger, my sadness, who understands what I really need deep down. God is NEVER too tired, too busy, too preoccupied or too uninterested to listen to me.
2. In being a Christian I know that my future is secure. I know that whether I die before I am called Home or if I'm still here when Jesus comes to collect His bride (which are the true Christians) that I'm going to a place where there is no more fear, no more tears, no more sorrows, anger, bitterness or fighting but instead I will be going to a place that is full of love, worship, friends and family who have trusted Jesus as their savior.
3. I know that I will never be alone and even though I stray from God, He will never turn His back on me and that no matter what I do, God will always be waiting to welcome me back with open arms. I can never fall beyond God's love.
4. I know that whenever I have a problem that there will always be an answer to be found in the Bible. There really is an answer for everything, every situation in the Bible.
5. It's being able to rely on God always, not just in "emergency" situations. I know that God is there for me always, no matter what.
6. I know that whenever I'm just feeling downright awful inside that I talk to God, even cry to God literally, and I always feel better after. I have a real sense of comfort.
7. Knowing that even though others may shun me b/c of my faith and my beliefs and that even though Jesus himself said that following him wouldn't be easy He did promise that it would be worth it in the end and the end, where we are going (Heaven) is going to be awesome.
8. Knowing that we don't have to worry about the daily things going on in the world that might scare or confuse others who don't have a personal relationship with God b/c I know that God is in control of everything that is going on; and if God is in control of everything it makes me feel special b/c He cares about me too.
9. I know that when I don't feel I have the strength to get through the day or night sometimes b/c of what's going on in my life, that God gives me His strength and I get through just fine always.
10. There is always someone that I can trust to never let me down. I may not understand why God does the things He does but in the end it always works out for the best. Knowing that there is one person out there that truly has my best interests at heart always.

Now on to the next question

What I like best about being a Mommy, well, there's not a one answer for that either and these answers aren't in any particular order either. Most of them have to do with what I like best about Emily (which is everything, but I've taken just a few parts) b/c without Emily I would not be a mommy. I have always wanted to be a mommy and being one is the culmination of a lifelong dream. I love Emily's laughter, her smiles and giggles, her sweetness and loving to be "cuddled", her imagination, her creativity, her smell, her hugs, her kisses, her singing, her stories, the love that she has for God and her desire to constantly know more. She's always asking me questions about God and the Bible and wants to know more, more, more. I love her enthusiasm, her kind heart and gentle spirit. I love putting her to bed at night and hearing her prayers and reading her stories and singing her songs. It's our special time together to talk about God. I love praying for her and with her to become the kind of young Christian woman that God wants her to be. I love her excitement about things. Best of all, I love knowing that b/c she has trusted Jesus as her Savior at such a young age that no matter what happens to us on earth, that we will be reunited together again in Heaven. That's the most comforting thought.

Thanks dear Epiphany for the great questions! I really enjoyed answering them. :)
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The last set of questions comes from a very dear friend, the self-described XXXL Hippie, my favorite Mark Spurrier; AKA THE Great White Bear. GWB and I are total POLAR opposites theologically, politically, ideologically and other “allys” too, but he has a heart as big as Texas. We have found common ground in some very surprising ways like Celtic music, Guinness and hockey, along with just really having a concern for humanity in general. Not that that last part is surprising. LOL! GWB is one person that I could have a VERY lively debate with on just about everything and still come out of it with no hard feelings at all. He is a sweet person, though he would probably choke to hear me say that(!), and really has a heart of gold. I adore him! He is a proud father and grandfather and a true blue friend. :)

So many questions... let’s go with:
1. If you could have dinner with one historical (non biblical) person, who would it be?

2. Are your romantic fantasies more likely to involve someone famous, or someone with whom you are familiar?

3. Guinness room temp or refrigerated?

Nic’s Answers :
1. Oh, that is a difficult one, my friend. There are some really recently deceased people that died in the last century that I would love to dine with, Mother Theresa being one, Gandhi another as well as Marilyn Monroe (I would tell her that she has her sense of self worth all wrong. It isn’t found in man. Maybe should wouldn’t have made the mistakes she made then and ended up dead at such a tragically young age), but I don’t really count those as historical in the true sense of the word. Hmmmmm, and since you did say historical, I can’t say you. LOL. Thinking, thinking, thinking...

I would then have to say probably Thomas Jefferson so that I could get a definitive answer from his mouth that other could hear on his letter that contained the phrase the wall of separation between church and state. I know what I believe he meant, which is not what the ACLU believes that he meant, but I would like to hear it from his own words. Rather than being the ACLU’s best friend, the real Thomas Jefferson really was the ACLU’s worst nightmare. He was not the atheistic, anti-God/Christian person that the ACLU and other groups like People for the American Way often portray him as being, far from it actually.

What Thomas Jefferson's did as President may actually surprise you and can be historically verified. Among other things his Presidency did was:
* Established a national seal using a biblical symbol;
* Included the word “God” in our national motto;
* Established official days of fasting and prayer-at least on the state level;
* Protected the property of churches;
* Required oaths saying "So Help Me God" to be taken on the Bible;
* Ensure that treaties required other nations to guarantee religious freedom, including religious speeches and prayer in official ceremonies.

2. Wait, I have time for romantic fantasies? Nobody told me that! LOL. ;^)

Actually in my romantic daydreams I think about someone I haven’t even met yet. Don’t have a name or a face but just a man made up of the characteristics and qualities I’m looking for. To me, the unknown is easier to dream about than the everyday known variables. Why put a real life face to a fantasy? It’s so limiting! Oh there are some qualities that I’ve incorporated from past relationships, but it’s mostly things that I look for and they’re not even “amorous” in nature. It’s more like I want someone to massage my shoulders or tickle my back (a BIG weakness of mine!), that will let me play with their hair or let me wrap my arms around them as they sit in front of me but are reclined against me (if that makes any sense). I want someone who will go and listen to a Celtic rock band that I enjoy, not necessarily b/c they like it but b/c I like it, someone who will go to Highland games with me and watch the pipe and drum bands and the dancers. I would go to baseball and basketball games with that person b/c even though I’m not a baseball or basketball fan I would go b/c they wanted to go and I would cheer right along with them.

I want someone who is patriotic, who puts their hands over their hearts when they hear the Pledge of Allegiance, who sings the Star Spangled Banner, who respects veterans of all wars and who supports all of our men and women in uniform serving now. I want someone who sings hymns at church and who enjoys a good sermon and who will take me to Scotland and Ireland for my dream vacation – at least twice. The first time just us and the second time with Emily. I want someone with good character, integrity and old fashioned values who will open the car door for me, pull my chair out for me to sit down, hold my hand and show some PDA around my family and out in public, who will slow dance with me to the radio at home, someone who wouldn’t make me buy my own wedding ring – unlike last time (that should have been a clue), someone who adores Emily and loves her like his own, someone who prays with me, laughs at my corny jokes, who enjoys talking to me and who, frankly, just enjoys being with me and who likes me in spite of my flaws - and I'm not talking physical flaws either.

I'm talking the kind that some days just wants to lounge in bed and not do housework, the kind where I don’t pick up clothes for a couple of days or wash dishes for a week sometimes. The kind that will get engrossed in writing and will want to be sequestered for a few hours when I have a creative streak going on. The kind that gets grumpy and snappy and short when my feelings have been hurt or who gets sassy and spirited (no pun intended) when I’ve had just a little too much to drink (which is rare b/c I almost never drink anymore) and who is usually running about 15 minutes late for just about everything except work, church, Emily’s school and movies. I don’t need flash, I don’t want fancy, it’s the simple, old fashioned things I’m looking for. That's what my romantic fantasies involve.

3. Both. DUH!! Wait, was that supposed to be a trick question? ;^)

My favorite Mark Spurrier, thanks for the great questions! Maybe not quite what you were expecting, but then again it's always fun to be kept on my toes by you and give you answers you weren't anticipating. :) You, my friend, are a joy!
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Ok, so that's all that for this very first Ask Nic Q&A post. Thank you all for the wonderful questions! I had so much fun answering them. They all were great questions from great people. :) This will be a regular feature so come back often to see when the next Ask Nic has in store and to ask more questions if you want! Thanks for reading and continuing to come back!