Thursday thoughts - dating

I normally do the Thankful Thursdays meme, but today I'm going to talk about something not meme associated.

I had a date last night. An honest to goodness date. It was rather unexpected. It was with someone that I’ve been working with since February. He's not with my company though.

It started out on Tuesday. So I was working and this guy comes up to me and says “I have a couple of questions for you.” So I said “Fire away.”

“First question...do you want to go have dinner sometime?”

I was kind of stunned. I hesitated for a couple seconds b/c I didn’t know what to say. I said yes out of pure shock. My mind was racing and I was trying to figure out what to say. This guy has always been super nice to me. Very kind, has a wicked wit about him and listens extremely well. But...he’s not someone that I would really consider going out with – even though several other women here at work think he is “hot”, a “stud”, etc.

So, he asked me if Wednesday would be ok. I said sure. I thought maybe it’s just that I'm kind of gunshy. You know, having been out of the dating scene for so long. Even when I was married, “the X” and I never really dated. Oh, we went out to dinner or to a club, but it was never really a date. We were just a married couple going out. More often than not going “dutch” or I would pay for most of it. I hadn’t been on a “real” date in years. You know, where the guy pays for all of it. And I have never been on a date period where they guy pulls out my chair for me, etc. You know, like a GROWN UP gentleman should.

I talked to some friends who all convinced me to go. They said that even if this guy wasn’t someone that I wanted to see on a regular basis, that this could be “practice”.

So, against my true instinct to have said “No”, I went. Being the safe thing we went in separate cars from work to this really trendy steak restaurant. Besides, I work way north and the restaurant was downtown. It would have been a waste of time for me to go with him and then have him drive back up north and then me drive back down south.

On the way there, he called me and asked if I drink. To which I replied that I do. He asked me what kind. So I told him. Tequila, dark beers and red wines - merlot to be more specific. I got there and valet parked. (Seriously, valet parking downtown is the BEST option ever. 6.00 to park your car, get out right at the front door and they bring it back to you when you're done.) So we go inside and he pulled my chair out for me and pushed it in while I sat down. Whoa! A real, honest to goodness grown up! Well, we’ll get to that part later about how “grown up” he is. So, we’re talking and this guy would be my dream guy. Seriously. Now I say “would be” instead of “is” b/c of a couple of things, which I will tell you about in a paragraph or two.

He’s tall, he’s broad shouldered, he’s charming, he is good looking. He’s a former Marine with a lot of class, travels around the world, owns a Harley (le sigh!), owns a big house in Dallas, enjoys a good cigar, loves life and knows how to live it well because he has the money to live it very well. He’s kind, sincere, very affirming, has a real heart of gold and is a total and complete true blue gentleman. He has a daughter one year younger than me.

Heh! That last one threw you for a loop huh?! Yup. He’s 16 years older than me. That would make him 48. He has a 31 year old daughter. Actually he has 4 kids and his oldest is 31, youngest 14. I am 32 and will be 33 in 20 days.

All the stuff before the last paragraph is just up my alley - seriously up my alley (excepting the daughter part and the age part. 48 is a "little older" than I'm looking for). Unfortch, there are three things that are deal breakers for me, the first is one that I will not compromise on.

1. He’s not a Christian. I got into that before with “the X” and I will not go there again. To have someone who is so fundamentally different from me in beliefs and faith was like trying to mix oil and water. It doesn’t mix. I want someone who will pray with me at meals and at night. I want someone to be a TRUE spiritual leader of the household and not just a CINO (Christian In Name Only). Just because you say you’re one doesn’t mean you are one.

2. He has a daughter 1 year younger than me. Seriously...he’s done having his kids and I would like to try and have more though I am happy with just Emily if need be. I'm not comfortable with that prospect of being a parental figure to someone who is practically my age. It just makes me uneasy.

3. There’s no spark on my end. None whatsoever. MC (my best friend) asked me as I was on my way to dinner last night if I could tell her what color his eyes were. I couldn’t. Her response was “Yeah, you definitely have no romantic interest there.” And I honestly have to say that I still couldn’t say for sure what color his eyes are even after going out last night.

On the way out, he walked me to my car and gave me a hug and also tried to aim for my lips to kiss me - to which I gently turned my head and he got my cheek instead. I don’t think that gave him enough of an idea that, though he was my first date in years, that it would be my last date with him. I'll let him know if he asks me out again.

I learned something about myself too though that night. Though I have been separated for over 2 ½ years, I have truly only been divorced in my heart for just over 2 months. I'm not ready to date yet. We had a truly lovely and witty conversation last night but most of the time I was thinking about getting Emily to bed and what story I was going to read to her, etc. I just couldn’t wait to get home to my daughter. This guy said, during the course of the dinner, that I needed to take time for myself too, and I agree. I'm just not quite ready to step into the dating pool yet and last night made me realize that, but I'm glad I was able to realize that with such a nice guy.