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"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14


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Sunday, June 18, 2006

Adventures in Dating (well, kind of)

I bit the bullet and decided that, while I'm not ready to date that I am ready to meet people. So...instead of joining some crummy service like Match.com or some other place like that where it’s real easy to meet whack-jobs and nuts, I went with signing up for eHarmony. I haven’t subscribed yet, but I took the questionnaire, which took an obscenely long time to finish and I chose my “must haves” and my “can’t haves” from long lists. It was easier to pick the “can’t haves” than it was to pick the “must haves”. For one thing it was easier to pick between someone who is mean spirited and someone who is unhappy at work or someone who has a problem with fidelity and someone who is politically correct all the time (I mean, come on there, those are no-brainers) than it is to have to choose between someone who is kind and someone who is affectionate or between someone who is emotionally healthy or who has strong character. Now, you can only choose 10 each of the “must haves” and the “can’t haves”. It’s tough to figure out what is more important out of things like chemistry or sense of humor. I’d like both please!

*UPDATE* A friend of mine here at work uses eHarmony and they said that there are a LOT more matches if you actually subscribe instead of using the free service.

*UPDATE # 2* The subscription part is amazing! I have connected with a really great guy who really seems to be what I've been praying for for a while. Time will tell, and I'll have plenty of time as he is stationed in Iraq right now.

The one thing that eHarmony has SPOT ON is my compatibility profile summary. I felt as if they had reached inside of me and pulled out everything I was looking for and put in on paper. I actually teared up when I read parts of it b/c it was what I wanted – to a tee.

So, I'm going to share with y’all what type of person they feel would be best for me. And it is true, every single word! If only it was as easy to find someone with these characteristics who didn’t mind that I had a wonderful daughter and wanted to be involved in her life just like she was his own child and who wanted me to be a stay at home mom and could support that easily. Unfortunately, I have the feeling it will be like finding a teeny needle in a haystack the size of, well, Texas.

Nicole's Compatibility Profile Summary
No person can be fully described or defined by a few short sentences. However, here are several of the most important characteristics revealed by your eHarmony Compatibility Profile that you should keep in mind as you search for your ideal mate:

Some of your ideal mates strongest personality characteristics are:

  • He has a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it is important to him to be the best person he can be at all times.
  • He tries his utmost to be honest in all situations, even when it means putting in a lot of extra effort.
  • He generally prefers to solve problems based on rational causes, rather than emotions.
  • He enjoys knowing and learning about new things.

    Some important qualities that your ideal partner brings to the relationship are:

  • He feels that he has a lot to share with the right person.
  • He is always appreciative of the good things life has to offer.
  • His easy conversational manner makes him a great companion.
  • It is easy for him to connect with people.

    Important goals and values for your ideal mate in a relationship are:

  • He is ready and eager to begin building a family.
  • He needs someone who shares his goals to have children and create a loving home.
  • God's love and guidance is a crucial part of his life, and will be key to his marital success.
  • There are many trends and fads that he doesn't agree with.

    Social Orientation describes how much of your behavior is motivated by the desire to get along with and be liked by other people, as well as how much is driven by the desire to be seen as an effective problem solver and self sufficient. People with a strong External Orientation place a high value on communicating their thoughts and feelings with other people. People with a strong Internal Orientation place a high value on individual effectiveness, competence and autonomy. The dimensions that we assess as part of your Social Orientation are Conflict Management, Character, Vitality and Security, Communication Style, Kindness and Autonomy.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Kindness: Your ideal mate goes out of his way to shower you with attention. He is likely to perform small acts of kindness others would not even consider, like jotting you a note of appreciation or bringing home your favorite take-out meal when you're tired. He won't take you for granted. He wants to be there for you when you have a problem or when you just want to talk. He is motivated by a strong belief in the importance of treating people with kindness and consideration.

    Character: Your ideal mate is a thoughtful and caring man. He's someone who empathizes with people who are hurting or having a hard time. He not only recognizes needs that other people don't see, he often tries to help find solutions to the problems facing his friends and family. He has a can-do attitude, and his compassion for others leads him to help willingly. His friends and family think of him as unfailingly generous.

    Some additional details about your ideal mate:

    Autonomy: You will be best matched with someone who is interested to know all the important things about your past, but is equally if not more interested in experiencing the present and building a future together. You are most compatible with someone who believes that communication is vital in creating a healthy relationship, but you may have problems with someone who feels a burning need to know every last detail about your past or every thought that crosses your mind. When in a relationship: Your ideal partner sees himself as part of a couple, but still maintains his independence and identity.

    Vitality and Security: You need a man who is honest and reliable. He has a good understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work over the long haul. He wants to build a relationship that will last, but doesn't need you for constant support. He shares your desire for stability and longevity. Friends describe him as the kind of person who wants to make his partner feel cared for and safe.

    Communication: You will have the best relationship with a man who places a high value on both talking and listening. He also enjoys speaking his mind, but knows that understanding someone else's point of view is vital to healthy communication. He's accepting of what people tell him and rarely argues, even when he disagrees with their opinions. Friends and family appreciate his good listening skills and expressive, open nature.

    Conflict Resolution: You'll be happiest with a man who generally does his best to avoid conflict. When he does have a disagreement, he usually tries to keep the peace instead of trying to win the fight. However, your best match needs to have a strong backbone in order to gain and keep your respect. He won't be willing to go along with an idea if he thinks it is truly bad. If you push him too far, he will stand up for his beliefs, even if it means turning a minor disagreement into a major battle.

    The Extraversion scale assesses how you feel when you are around people. Extroverts are generally comfortable at the center of attention. They rarely feel a need for "alone time" and are almost always eager to meet new people. Introverts, on the other hand, avoid the spotlight when they can, approach many social gatherings with hesitation, and relish time spent with good friends whom they know well. While most people exhibit a mix of Introvert and Extrovert qualities based on what kind of social situation they are in, people who are strongly Extroverted often place the largest value on having many friends and making new friends easily. In contrast, people who are strongly Introverted generally place the highest value on having a few very deep and meaningful friendships. The dimensions of your profile which are associated with Extraversion are Emotional Energy, Sociability, Adaptability, Humor, Romantic Passion and Dominance.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Romantic Passion: Your ideal mate definitely enjoys engaging in the occasional romantic gesture, such as a night of soft music, candles and good conversation. He needs to have a strong romantic spark with his partner, but he doesn't think that romance is the only important part of the relationship. He has a sensual side and looks forward to physical and emotional closeness with his partner, but it might take him some time in a relationship before he opens up fully.

    Humor: Your ideal mate is the kind of man who sometimes likes to entertain people. He occasionally enjoys telling jokes, making people laugh with things like wordplay, one-liners or satirical observations about friends and family. However, he doesn't feel the need to be a constant one-man show. His friends and family see him as someone who is funny and interesting but who knows when to take things seriously.

    Some additional details about your ideal mate:

    Adaptability: Your ideal mate likes to sometimes find new ways to deal with old challenges. He can think up creative solutions to a problem but doesn't discount the tried-and-true answers. His friends describe him as someone who generally has a fresh take on any given situation but who isn't driven to recreate the wheel every time he's faced with a task or challenge. You are likely to find it frustrating to deal with someone who can never seem to do something the same way twice, but you also chafe at people who can't accept new approaches to problems when the old solutions have stopped working.

    Emotional Energy: You'll be happiest in the long run with a man who's generally outgoing and vivacious but who appreciates a regular dose of quiet and relaxation to keep him at his best. His friends might describe him as someone who'd rather do something right away rather than put it off for later, whether it's a chore at home or a complex task at the office. At the same time, he likes to carve out time for himself and his own interests. He appreciates having stability, but if he feels life is getting too routine he isn't afraid to venture out and rectify the situation. If he falls into too much of a routine, he's likely to worry that life is passing him by and take steps to rectify the situation.

    Dominance: You are best suited to someone who doesn't take competition to extremes. He likes to win but doesn't need to do so at all costs. He is competitive and aggressive when the situation warrants it, such as when vying for a promotion at work or playing football with friends - but generally accepts a loss with grace. He shares your belief that not everything's a contest, even though it's sometimes fun to pit yourself against others or push yourself to perform.

    Sociability: You'll be happiest with a man who is outgoing and drawn to new people. He takes great pleasure in sharing his experiences with others, whether it's discussing a movie with a close friend or discussing the latest sports results with a total stranger in an elevator. Although your own sociability tends to help you in drawing out people who are socially shy, you are most likely to thrive in a relationship with a partner who shares your enjoyment in meeting new and interesting people as a core part of life.

    Openness refers to a person's willingness to experience new and creative ideas. People who score low on Openness tend to place a high value on tradition and belonging to a group. People who score high on Openness tend to place a high value on imagination and individualism. Extreme scores on Openness also often distinguish between people who enjoy thinking in symbols and abstractions to people who prefer ideas which are clear and concrete. The dimensions of your profile that we consider as part of Openness are Artistic Passion, Curiosity and Intellect.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Artistic Passion: You are best suited to a man who places a high value on experiencing art and culture in his life. He enjoys attending events and performances, such as the theater, poetry readings and art exhibitions. Friends and family see him as the kind of person who needs regular exposure to the arts in order to be happy. He needs someone who will share his appreciation for artistic accomplishments such as literature, music or architecture.

    Intellect: Your ideal mate is smart, educated and knowledgeable. He is astute and will appreciate your understanding of a wide variety of topics. He has varied interests in subjects such as literature or languages. Other people see him as someone who's looking for friends who are his equal in terms of intelligence or knowledge. He places a high priority on reflection and intellectual pursuits.

    Curiosity: You will be well matched with a man who likes to understand the world around him. He's inquisitive and knowledgeable about subjects that pertain to his life, whether he's a politics junkie or a die-hard baseball fan. His friends describe him as someone who wants to learn for the sake of learning but who doesn't have a constant drive to understand it all. If he's not interested in an issue, he probably won't feel compelled to read up on it just to expand his knowledge.

    Physicality separates people who enjoy being physically energetic and active from those who are uncomfortable or dislike engaging in sports or strenuous activity. Some people push life to the limit, scaling mountains or competing in triathlons. People with a less demanding sense of Physicality enjoy looking at mountains more than climbing them. The dimensions of your profile which compose the most important aspects of your Physicality are Appearance, Physical Energy and Sexual Passion.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Sexual Passion: Your ideal companion wants to feel a surge of physical excitement associated with falling in love. When he's with his partner he expects a physical connection that goes beyond compatible personalities and interests. Physical intimacy isn't his only (or even his primary) interest or need, but you will feel a strong physical pull towards being close to him, and he will definitely feel a strong chemical attraction towards you.

    Appearance: You are most compatible with a man who wants to look good but doesn't obsess over it. He will appreciate the time and effort you put into your appearance and be happy with the end result, but ultimately he is more concerned with who you are than what you look like. Friends and family know him as someone who is handsome but who doesn't spend hours in front of the mirror.

    Physical Energy: You are best suited to someone who likes to stay active, but also enjoys spending quiet time at home. You are most compatible with someone who makes staying healthy and exercising a normal part of their life, but also enjoys kicking back and relaxing when the time is right. Friends probably describe him as someone who enjoys getting his heart rate up but who's also content to spend a Sunday afternoon on the couch watching football or a favorite movie on TV.

    Goal Orientation refers to the drive to plan for the future versus the urge to live in the moment. People who score low on Goal Orientation are generally spontaneous and free spirited. They are likely to act on their first impulse and worry about the consequences afterwards and place a high value on being clever and lucky. People who score high on Goal Orientation, on the other hand, are more driven to think about future consequences before acting, place a high value on being wise and cautious, and like to always put their best foot forward. The dimensions of your profile that relate to your Goal Orientation are Industry, Ambition, Organization and Education.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Industry: You are most compatible with someone who works hard at the office or jobsite, but avoids bringing too much stress and worry home. He likes to stay busy, but doesn't feel the need to fill every moment of every day with some task or chore. He's generally efficient, persistent and productive, but doesn't obsess over making lists of things to do or accomplish. He will appreciate your work ethic and your ability to enjoy the relaxation of downtime as well.

    Organization: Your ideal mate is probably more interested in having fun and enjoying the "here and now" rather than constantly making extensive plans for how to get the most out of the future. He likes being organized enough to know where he's going and what he's doing on a given day, but planning every last detail of something like a camping trip or a visit to a new city would, frankly, take some of the fun out of the adventure as far as he's concerned.

    Some additional details about your ideal mate:

    Ambition: You will be happiest with a man who isn't obsessed with things like career advancement, money and power. He is content with his current status in life and isn't overly worried about working to change it. He cares about his performance professionally and wants to be popular socially, but he isn't comparing himself to everyone around him. Friends describe him as someone who doesn't care who got the fattest holiday bonus last year.

    Education: Your ideal mate isn't concerned with academic degrees. He won't care if he and his partner don't talk together about things like politics, religion, art or history. Others see him as someone who isn't concerned with such philosophical discussions. He's looking for compatibility in more important aspects of a relationship, like character, honesty, communication and romance. He shares your belief that formal education isn't necessary for success.

    While day-to-day events play a major role in our feelings, there are deep-seated patterns of emotion that underlie our personality and stretch across the span of our lives. These patterns are considered your Emotional Temperament. People who score high on Emotional Temperament are generally upbeat about life and are slow to get upset in the face of minor setbacks or disappointments. People who score low on Emotional Temperament are more likely to experience feelings such as anxiety, anger and depression on a regular basis. The dimensions of your profile that compose your Emotional Temperament are Mood Management, Self-Concept, Emotional Status, Anger Management and Obstreperousness.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Mood Management: You will be most satisfied with a man who avoids letting his bad moods affect others. When he is feeling down, he's conscious of his sour mood and makes sure to be considerate of others by avoiding them or being careful not to be unpleasant. When he's grouchy, he tries not to be hypersensitive and thinks twice before saying something hurtful if someone rubs him the wrong way.

    Anger Management: Your ideal mate rarely loses his temper because he is able to process his anger in a healthy way. He has the ability to think through a situation instead of reacting blindly to it. When he does get upset, he generally doesn't blame others or say things he later regrets.

    Some additional details about your ideal mate:

    Self-Concept: Your ideal match is someone who won't change himself just to fit in. Like you, he is resilient and self-confident. He's comfortable with who he is and doesn't feel the need to follow the crowd or be a slave to current fads. He believes in himself and doesn't look to others for approval. Other people see him as self-assured, caring and well adjusted.

    Emotional Status: You are best suited to a man who is stable and calm. He doesn't overreact when he faces challenges like financial setbacks or professional hurdles. He tends to maintain an even emotional keel. He rarely feels anxious, depressed or angry and always avoids taking his personal frustrations out on others. His friends probably describe him as the kind of person who can handle anything and never seems out of control or unable to cope. Like you, he is satisfied with his life, but is ready to find someone to share and grow with.

    Obstreperousness: Your ideal mate generally follows the adage: If you can't say something nice, it's better not to say anything at all. He may have strong beliefs, but he usually avoids stating them strongly if it would offend others. Your ideal mate is someone who cares about people and listens to them. He is rarely argumentative. His friends would describe him as a patient person who can generally tolerate almost anything.

    Many significant ingredients, like upbringing, family goals and spirituality combine to form a person's values and beliefs. Whatever form they take, your values are one of the most powerful determinants of your behavior. Values also play a large role in who we feel comfortable being around and who we find attractive. Dissimilarity in values generally causes discomfort or awkwardness in social situations. Although close friends, family and loved ones can often have one or two stark contrasts in their values, this is made possible by a greater number of shared values, backgrounds and experiences that provide a framework of comfort and similarity. When building an intimate relationship, establishing shared values early on is key to long-term success. The dimensions that we consider as part of your Personal Values are Traditionalism, Spirituality, Family Goals and Altruism.

    Based on your profile, you are most compatible with men who fit the following descriptions:

    Family Goals: Your ideal mate is someone who is looking for a woman who shares similar ideas about parenting. He likes kids and probably has clear ideas about raising them. He feels that a couple will be much better parents if they are like-minded in their approach to things like discipline and communication with children. They will also experience more harmony and unity as parents, something he values.

    Family Background: Your ideal mate generally feels close to his family and talks to them regularly. He looks forward to family gatherings like holidays and reunions because his relatives are generally harmonious and supportive of his goals. When conflict does arise, it's dealt with in a healthy way. Friends say his family closet probably doesn't have any skeletons, because there haven't been layers of unresolved conflict building up over the generations.

    Some additional details about your ideal mate:

    Spirituality: Your ideal mate's spiritual beliefs are the foundation of his character and affect his everyday life. He sets aside time for things like reading the Scriptures, praying or seeking a higher guidance for his life. He wants to find a woman who shares his beliefs. He demonstrates his spirituality by example and by exemplifying his values in his life.

    Traditionalism: You'll be happiest with a man who worries about the values society promotes and therefore takes a cautious approach toward popular culture. He believes many types of artistic expression like films, television or drama can be subtly subversive or downright immoral. Your ideal mate cares about moral values and tries to avoid art or entertainment that worsen society or tears down family values.

    Altruism: Your ideal mate is the kind of person who cares about helping strangers but who might not spend a lot of his time doing so. He is someone who generally takes care of his friends when they're in need and who might feel a pang of guilt when he doesn't reach out to assist strangers. Others see him as someone who, with a little encouragement, will join efforts to help, whether it's a canned food drive or a charity fundraiser.
    So, what do y'all think? Is there someone out there like that? Will I be able to find that diamond in the rough, even if it takes a couple or even a few years? I've been praying for specific things that God will provide for me in a potential future spouse - but this list is exactly what I want.

    Jean-Luc Picard said...

    Nic, as a friend of yours, I think there are many people that are like that. They just haven't joined EHarmony or something like that. The type of man you want won't be on a 'free site'. Good luck.

    Velvet Cowboy said...

    Whew... (wiping the sweat from my forehead), that was a long post.

    You sound like a really good lady who deserves the same in a man...

    The guy with no teeth wasn't from Ft Worth, was he? I think he sits next to at work! Lol!

    ChristianCafe.com is also a good site that I used before I was married. It's been some time, but it was free when I used it.

    Good luck on your EHarmony endeavor.

    one4JC said...

    As I looked over the personal appearance portion I scrolled back to the top to reread your "introductory" matches...I then scratched my head in bewilderment...

    no_average_girl said...

    hey girl...I agree with Jean-luc - that type of man won't be on a "free site!"

    I did the eharmoney profiling thing (some Christian radio or something said it was a good way to find out things about yourself) and at the end, out of curiosity, I looked to see what my matches would be. It said that none were found for me...at least you had matches! LOL

    I do have a girlfriend who met her husband that way, they've been married for about two years now, I think.

    Don't settle for anything less than that diamond - and when you do find him, ask him if he has a younger brother just like him for your little sis! hehe Love you, girl!

    averagedrinker said...

    it reminds me of the time i started dating. there was gender consciousness and i was slowly getting the hang of it. now i found my sister chatting on webdatedotcom and i just find it cute. she's turned legal just last year and she couldn't get enough of guys.lol!

    Plaxibo said...

    You won't find anyone that is meant for you on the net. God will lead you to your perfect mate. And he won't be perfectly matched since that's impossible.

    Oh and just because someone is missing teeth doesn't make them unworthy. I am missing alot of teeth and I can guarantee you I am a great guy.

    To bad we don't live closer together ;-)

    dianne_lone said...

    it also reminds me of my brother. He dated in a young age. I dated when I was already 16 and it was not much of a pleasant experience. I caught my brother in webdatedotcom. hahah.. Kids today start early. =)

    steller said...

    apprently webdatedotcom is not just for teenagers i tried going there and most of the people there are actually much older..

    Cassandra3383 said...

    Everyone kept mentioning wendate_dot_com and now I got curious...I checked the site and well, I was impressed with their massive collection of profiles of cute men... Now I know what the hype is all about.