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"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14

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Monday, March 13, 2006

A mother’s heartbreak for her beloved child

Emily had her first taste of true rejection this weekend, not once but twice. The kind of rejection that she shouldn’t have at the age of 4 – or ever.

On Friday, one of her friends that she talks about a lot from her school told Emily that she had a new friend and didn’t want to be friends anymore. Emily was so sad when I picked her up after work. Her little face was just dejected and I thought "Who would ever reject a child as big-hearted and kind as Emily?" I comforted her and we talked about it and she felt better about it after.

Then yesterday I just about went ballistic. There is another little girl whose backyard kind of backs up to ours but only a part of it. There is a 6 ft. privacy fence that separates them but there is a loose board so my Emily and this other girl (whose name is Emily as well) talk through the boards. They pass little things through the boards to each other and talk. However, the parents of this girl are somewhat "questionable" in character. The mother is usually yelling at the kids and saying things that can be damaging to a kids psyche. Well, yesterday after church, Emily was playing outside and this other Emily had a friend over. Let me clarify something before I go any further...this other Emily is older than my Emily. She’s probably 7 or 8. My Emily tried to be nice and passed two sticks through the fence (don’t ask me “why sticks?” b/c I don’t know) – one for the other Emily and one for her friend. My Emily was thinking “Great! A new person to talk to!” Well, this other little…brat (for lack of a kinder word) decided that she didn’t like my Emily and didn’t want anything to do with her – which in turn caused the other Emily, who my daughter has been talking to for months, to tell my Emily that she didn’t want to be friends anymore either and basically told my Emily that her “gift” of the sticks was stupid.

Emily came running in the house just crying her little eyes out and just heart broken, and as a mommy with a huge soft heart who went through the same thing, but in jr. high, I cried with her. Though I tried to keep it a commiserating, empathetic mommy cry and keep it short. My heart just broke for her b/c Emily doesn’t see age, she doesn’t see color or race or religion or handicap, she sees friends to be made and she doesn’t have any close friends really and I hurt for her very much. She so desperately wants a friend her age to do things with and to just be a friend with. After she was done crying and I was done explaining to her that most children don’t understand what it really means to be a friend and have a friend like Emily does and that if they don’t want to be her friend then they’re not worthy of being her friend, she looked up at me with her huge, beautiful, teary brown eyes and said “At least I have you mommy. I know you’re my friend.”

Oh my heart just aches for one sweet little girl who so desperately wants a friend and who, though outgoing in so many ways, gets her feelings and her heart hurt so easily b/c she doesn’t understand that not everyone is going to be as kind and generous and soft-hearted as her. She tries so hard and longs so much for a friend and I pray that God brings just the right friend to her so that she will have a true friend worthy of her at last.

I told my friend MC about it yesterday and she went through the roof! Had several choice things to say about the situation and older kids saying and doing that to younger kids. Yeah, Emily has a lot of people who have her back and love her completely – just none of them are friends her age.

Remember when you were a kid and had that one special friend that you loved completely and shared everything with and who loved you completely in return? Yeah, that’s what I want for my Emily.

After all, who could say “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” to this precious face?

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Em with her beloved Aunt Sarah (Matt’s sister whom I just adore)
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Em with Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jeremy (Sarah’s husband who is absolutely wonderful)

9 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Emily looks such a sweet girl as well, Nic.

lawbrat said...

What a sweet little face!

I'm so sorry she has had to learn about hearbreak at such a early age. I just wanna give her a big 'o hug!!

cmhl said...

she is a doll... that is SO hard.. my daughter is 4, and at her preschool it is all "you're not in my CLUB, and you're NOT invited to my birthday party!!!"

it is so hard.. she is gorgeous. and her auntie & uncle look sweet too!

no_average_girl said...

aww, how precious! it's wonderful she has a mother like you to love her and teach her what is right vs. wrong! the other girls probably were "bullied" when they were younger, and it's likely the only way they know how to act because their parents didn't care enough to sit down and talk them through it and teach them not to do it to others.

thankfully, the world will have another great example in little emily because her mother was willing to listen and talk to her!

greatwhitebear said...

It always amazes me how cruel children can be, and what an early stage it starts at. What's worse, it's always the sensitive kids that get treated the worst. Those are the kids who can be counted on for a reaction.

Sadly, humans are just glorified pack animals. It is amazing how early we start defining the social order of the pack.

But Emily IS lucky! She has such a kind, loving mother!

Duke_of_Earle said...

Nic,

Romans 3:12 -- "All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; there is no one who shows kindness, there is not even one." (New RSV)

What a sad comment on even little children. I'm glad your Emily is being taught understanding and kindness.

John

Michael said...

Wow !! How heartbroken you must have been as a parent, as you had to comfort your daughter, while in your own mind and heart you searched for answers for such cruel behavior from the other children. Hopefully, she will never experience such behavior and rejection from her classmates at Church. From the times I ventured to your blog, for some sanity relief I guees from the cruelity of the real world I have come to realize that you are and strive to be 'the best parent'. I see in you and in the things you share to be the 'biblical' RUTH in your daughter's life. To be the best 'James Dobson" role model adopting all the right things at all the right times.

May God bless you in all you do and may He give you the strength and compassion you need in your life as a single parent.

Bill Scott, Sr. said...

This breaks my heart. Its all a part of living in a fallen world. That is why we need Jesus so much so. He is the friend that will never reject us. And that is why it is so important to take His word to the world so that they can encounter him and be changed by him sothat they can become true friends.

My heart breaks with you for your daughter. I hate rejection; it is so painful.

Madi's mom said...

I have had these types of things done to my child and it is heartbreaking especially because I have taught her to be kind and loving towards others. I explain to her that some mommys and daddys teach their children differently. What more can I say? I just pray for guidance and strength for her and myself.