Free - One Marine speaks his mind

This guy is truly awesome! He is a Marine and this is his slam. For those of you who don't know what slam is it's style of poetry that is "kind of" like rap.

What this Marine says is so true. I have posted to words to this below the video

Thank you to all who fight for the freedoms that we enjoy and who sacrifice to keep us safe. You have my undying, never ending gratitide and appreciation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

~ Nicole B



Free

and She called...
Blacks, Whites...wait
African Americans and Caucasians, Asians, excuse me.
Vietnamese, Philipenes, Koreans and Jamaicans or
Haitans, waitin' Hispanics y'all.

Please be paitent
Mexican, Puerto Ricans, Venezualean, Cuban, v Dominican, Panamanian Democrats
I beg your pardon, you partied with the late, great Reagan?
Republican, Independent, Christian, Catholic,
Methodist, Baptist, 7th Day Adventist, 5 Percenters,
Hindu, Sunii Muslim, Brothers and Sisters who never seen the New York city
skyline when the twin towers still existed.
But still She called.

From the bowels of Ground Zero she sent this 911 distress signal.
Because She was in desperate need of a hero,
and didn't have time to decipher what to call 'em,
so she called 'em all Her children.
The children of the stars and bars who needed to know nothing more than the fact that she called.
The fact that someone attempted to harm us
this daughter who covered us all with her loving arms.
And now these arms are sprawled across New York City streets.
A smoke filled lung, a silt covered faced,
and a solitary tear poured out of her cheek.
Her singed garments carpets Pennsylvania Avenue and the Pentagon was under her feet.
As she began to talk, she began to cough up small particles of debris
and said, "I am America, and I'm calling on the land of the free."
So they answered.

All personal differences set to the side
because right now there was no time to decide which state building the Confederate flag should fly over,
and which trimester the embryo is considered alive,
or on our monetary units, and which God we should confide.
You see, someone attempted to choke the voice
of the one who gave us the right for choice,
and now she was callin.
And somebody had to answer.
Who was going to answer?

So they did.
Stern faces and chisled chins.
Devoted women and disciplined men,
who rose from the ashes like a pheonix
and said "don't worry, we'll stand in your defense."
They tightened up their bootlaces
and said goodbye to loved ones, family and friends.
They tried to bombard them with the "hold on", "wait-a-minute's", and "what-if's".
And "Daddy, where you goin?".
And, "Mommy, why you leavin?".
And they merely kissed them on their foreheads and said "Don't worry, I have my reasons.
You see, to this country I pledged my allegience
to defend it against all enemies foreign and domestic.
So as long as I'm breathin, I'll run though hell-fire,
meet the enemy on the front lines,
look him directly in his face,
stare directly in his eyes and scream,
"I AM AMERICA! WE WILL NOT BE TERRORIZED!
WE WILL NOT BE TERRORIZED!
I REFUSE TO BE AFRAID!
I'LL FIGHT YOU ANY COUNTRY, ANY CONTINENT, ANY TERRAIN.
I'LL FIGHT TO MY LAST BREATH!"

And if by chance death is my fate,
pin my medals upon my chest,
and throw Old Glory on my grave.
But, don't y'all cry for me.
You see, my Father's prepared a place.
I'll be a part of his Holy army standing a watch at the Pearly Gates.
Because freedom was never free.
POW's, and fallen soldiers
all paid the ultimate sacrafice
along side veterans who put themselves in harms way.
Risking their lives and limbs just to hold up democracy's weight,
but still standing on them broken appendages anytime the National Anthem was played.
You see, these were the brave warriors that gave me the right
to say that I'm Black. Or white.

Or

African American or Caucasian,
I'm Asian, excuse me.
I'm Vietnamese, Philipene, Korean, or Jamaican.
I'm Haitan, Hispanic

Y'all, Please be paitent.
I'm Mexican, Puerto Rican, Venezualean, Cuban,
Dominican, Panamanian, Democrat
I beg your pardon, you see I partied with the late, great Reagan.
I'm Republican, Independent, Christian, Catholic,
Methodist, Baptist, 7th Day Adventist, 5 Percenters,
Hindu, Sunii Muslim,

Brothers and Sisters We're just Americans.
So with that I say
"Thank You" to the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines,
for preserving my rights
to live and die for this life
and paying the ultimate price for me to be...FREE!

Why Friday the 13th SUCKS!

So, some of you may know that I work for a defense contractor, well . . . we had a contract worth over 1 Billion dollars. Yes, that's right – 1 BILLION. We went for a re-bid last year on it and lost. It was a total Charlie Foxtrot situation. You in the military know what that is. So, there was a good possibility that my job was ending when our contract with the State of Texas was up. I and the people I work with have known this for a while. But still, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Well, the worst came today. On Friday the 13th.

Around 2:30 I was the first one out of about 80% of our office who was/will be told that they will no longer be employed as of 8/31. They're waiting to tell most everyone else next week. After being told, I did the mature thing. I held my head up and stayed until 5:00. Never let them see you sweat. Stay strong on the outside even when you're cracking on the inside. It was not completely unexpected, but still, so many things come into play. I am a single mom, getting no child support. My daughter goes to private school b/c I refuse to have her in the Austin school system. I used to work in it when I was in college and I vowed then and there that no child of mine would ever be part of the AISD. So I'm a little freaked out. Ok, a lot freaked out.

I had really hoped to go out with a friend tonight b/c they've just really become a good friend (though sometimes I want to wring his neck – I still just think he's pretty darn awesome) and I'm extremely comfortable around him and just needed the distraction, which would have been a good one. We had tentatively made plans yesterday for me to drive out and pick him up but those fell through late today after I found out this news so here I am, sitting at home, going, "OH CRAP! What the HELL am I going to do?" I have 6 weeks to find a job. I can't afford to make less than what I am right now and I need insurance. I really need some distraction and a drink or ten. I know I'll definitely go out tomorrow, but really would like to get away tonight. It's the whole being alone factor. Sitting here, my mind on this crap. Fully freaking.

I have a resume in with a friend of mine for a job that they have. I put that in a good two weeks ago. That job doesn't start until the end of September with the possibility of being there a month ahead of time to train under the person leaving. Not only is it a job I could do with my hands tied behind my back and blindfolded, but it's higher pay, same benefits and better vacation time than I have after having been with my current job for over 2 years. I'd really like to get that job, but if I don't there's something else out there for me. I just want and need to find it soon.

That and a few drinkies. Though, don't know where I'll go tonight for that. My usual place has a concert tonight so pretty high cover at the door. I know I should be saving my money like Scrooge right now, but really, in the stress factor of it all, a few drinks are very much needed right now.

Deep breath, Deep Breath, DEEP BREATH! Just don't forget to exhale or I'll pass out.

You can't handle the truth . . . or can you?

Does anyone value honesty anymore?

Seriously. I'd like to know. I'm not talking about the "does my rear look fat in this outfit" honesty. I'm talking about the kind of honesty that should be shared between people ranging from the "you're really screwing up and though I know YOU know it someone really needs to tell you anyway and that person is me because I care deeply about you and want to see you be the person I know you can be. I want you to know I care enough to say something." to the "I like you but I still have feelings for my ex who broke my heart so no, I'm not going to try and lead you on to make myself feel better, even though I really like you, because I need to straighten things out for myself first" kind of honesty. The one that lets others know that you really do care, that you want the best for the other person. The kind of honesty that lets someone know that you're not interested in playing games but in being real, in being a grown up.

How hard is it to say what's on your mind? True friends are honest even when it pisses the other person off, especially if there is concern over that person's behavior or the decisions they're making in their life. The other person might not like to hear what's being said but if someone genuinely cares about the other person then they'll risk making the other person mad. The truth is not always easy to hear and yes, it can hurt, but better the sting of honesty from a true friend than the kiss of an enemy, right? Or do people prefer to go through life being lied to and losing friends?

So many people are afraid of making waves, making someone angry, afraid of losing someone that they'll avoid confrontation and ignore things until the issue becomes the technicolor elephant in the living room that everyone tiptoes around. Pretty soon though that elephant is going to start stinking up the place pretty bad and cause major damage that can never fully be repaired and can never be undone. You can never, un-see, un-hear, un-feel or un-do any action or inaction.

The longer you avoid an issue the bigger it gets until it blows up and hurts someone, usually always more than one person. Trust me, I am one of the biggest confrontation avoiders, or at least I used to be. After that ostrich head in the sand mentality partially caused the deterioration of my marriage I realized that avoidance of the issues does nobody any good and causes more damage than talking about it and working through it. Avoidance and intentional ignorance is a ticking time bomb.

If people were honest with those they truly cared about there would be a lot less hurt, anger and mistrust in the world. Oh, sure, they say the truth hurts, but that kind of hurt can be a helpful kind, if done with the right motive and caring. It can help others to see and recognize the mistakes they're making so they can avoid them in the future. It can help repair a friendship or relationship. It can build bridges instead of burn them, build lasting foundations instead of breaking them.

Is it only me that values true, real, caring honesty any more? Even if it stings a little, it's better a little sting now than a huge hurt later. Is it so wrong to want the same from someone else? Especially from people you consider friends? From people you care about who you hope care at least a little for you? Enough to be honest anyway.

Live or Die

I'm doing a lot of self-assessment lately and have also been spending a lot of my time on MySpace so I'm not posting as much anymore right now. This post is one that came out of a thorough self-assessment tonight.

My "other mother" sent me a list of "words to live by" earlier today that I posted in a bulletin and some of them particularly struck a chord with me, especially right now.

My best friend called it correctly before she left to fly out to Cali for a few days. (MC knows me better than I know myself sometimes) You wouldn't know it to look at me, to talk to me, to know me, but I'm unsettled. I'm dissatisfied. I look at myself and I'm not happy with where I am in life right now. I have amazing friends, family and a miracle of a daughter that I wouldn't trade for the world, but beyond that? Really, what do I have? I'm at a job that, while I enjoy it and the people I work with, it's not my passion. I don't want to be there forever. I can't see myself there in 5 years or 10 years. I'm nowhere where I thought I would be by now. Marriage should be a forever thing but I'm divorced even though I didn't believe in it. Of course, my ex didn't believe in keeping his wedding vows either – such as the part that says "FORESAKING ALL OTHERS".

So, where do I see myself?

That's just it, I DON'T know. I know that I'm not living my life to the fullest that it can be lived. I'm honest enough to admit to you that I've kind of half-assed it for so long and partly I think that it's a product of trying to keep an even keel in my life b/c my life has been a series of extreme stresses over the past several years - trust me on that one. If I trust you and know you well enough I'll tell you about it someday. Sometimes I think that just one more punch and I'll stay down, but I never do. I guess I'm too stubborn and strong-willed to let someone else or something else get the best of me. Oh, sure, I'll stay down for a little while, licking my wounds, but I'm an eternal optimist in spite of everything. Frankly, I don't know any other way to be, though I admittedly find myself becoming more cynical where love or lack thereof lately. But a growing cynic about relationships can still be an optimist in life right? It'll be a really cold day in hell when I let my circumstances get me down but I've been living in status quo for so long that I'm not sure I know how to take that first step.

MC told me to take these next three weeks that I'm without my daughter to try and figure out myself. Try and find and set a goal for myself. Be good to myself – you know, 'cuz you might be the only one who is. Right?

So, here I am, currently feeling like I am floundering. Wondering what in the world is going to be the next step in my life. Some of the "words of advice" were Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present and also Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

So what's it going to be? Letting my past behavior, failures, screwups, folly's, etc. dictate my future and keep me down? Or am I going to take responsibility for myself in order to make my life better than where it is right now? Is it going to be getting my life together and in order and be busy living or is it going to be sitting there, living the status quo, feeling sorry for myself and where I'm not at right now, not ever taking the next step to give myself and my daughter a better life, and just slowly dying . . . inside, outside, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally?

I'd rather live.

What about you?

Stick a fork

So, recently, last night in fact, I was compared by someone to the woman in Pure Country. No, no, not the bitchy manager one, the other one. The feisty one who closed herself off to George Strait's character at first b/c she'd been hurt really badly and didn't want to go through that pain again. She didn't want anyone to get close so she built these walls and barriers and then when she allowed herself to start to open up she gets smacked in the face by having her fears seemingly come true – right as she makes that decision to allow herself to be optimistic.

Yeah, they were right, that's me. It seems like when one starts to let one's guard down, invariably, usually sooner than later, that person gets sucker punched, disappointed and when it happens more than once that person stops hoping, stops dreaming, stops being optimistic b/c the adage "if it seems too good to be true, it usually is" seems really to be true. Just when you meet someone you think is interesting, funny, who you seem to have a lot in common with, who you enjoyed being around and who seems NORMAL with no apparent issues, someone that you'd like to hang out with and see where, IF anywhere, it might lead . . . yeah, whatever. Trust issues? Yeah, I have them in spades. They were right.

There comes a time when someone can only go so far, so many times, when they just have to stop. Stop putting themselves out there. It's easier to stay behind the ever increasing walls than it is to keep hoping, keep being optimistic b/c, truthfully, right now the glass isn't half empty. It's just plain empty with nothing left in it. I'm tapped. I'm drained. And as much as I want to continue to be optimistic and eternally hopeful, it's too wearing and the continual emotional price isn't worth it. So up go more walls and barriers and maybe some day, someone out there will think I am worth it enough to work on breaking those down to get to know me, someone who will actually look forward to seeing me and not flake, someone who will actually stick for once. There's a reason I don't let new people get in beyond the surface. They always let me down. Or maybe it's the other way around. Hell if I know anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know – blah, blah, blah.

Stick a fork in me b/c I'm freaking done and, frankly, I am just too tired to care right now.

Freaky Friday

I’m preparing to send my daughter off to be with her dad for 3 weeks and hope that he lets me see her during that time, especially since he sees her almost every day during the week. He still hasn’t answered my question regarding that though. GRRRRRR! I want to take Em to the circus b/c it’s a tradition. I don’t know if you remember last year she was chosen to help the Ring Master sing the National Anthem.

I’ve taken her since she was 3 so I’m really hoping to continue that tradition!

So, the time has come for Friday’s Feast once again. Here are my answers

Appetizer
Fill in the blank: The best thing about where I live is that my closest friends are here.

Soup
Create a new name for a deodorant (like "Flower Fresh" or "Shower Scent").
Ummmm, I have no idea.

Salad
What was the last piece of software you installed onto your computer?
eSword

Main Course
If you were to receive a superlative award today beginning with the words "Most likely to...", what would the rest of the phrase say?
"Most likely to continue to choose the wrong men and have her heart continually broken while striving to remain ever optimistic"

No?

How about "Most likely to continue smiling through the rain"

"Most likely to be the person others come to for advice or to talk to"

Dessert
What two colors do you like to wear together?
Black and any color of blue

Now for a Friday Funny:

The Rules of BBQing
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity as it is the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. Probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine . . .

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lunging beside the grill – beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine . . .
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine . . .
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off”, and upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women . . .

Crape Diem

YES, that is NOT a misspelling in the title. UGH! Life seems to be too complicated right now. Too much going on. Too much confusion. Too much not knowing where my path is going.

Just once I’d like to have a stress free, confusion free, drama free year. Is that too much to ask?

So, I genuinely like this guy. This friend from the last post. I don’t know what to do about that. We’re like two magnets – you know, drawn to each other, against our will? Nah, that’s not the right phrase but close.

As I said before, at this point, I don’t see a long term relationship with this guy but, in spite of that he intrigues me, he surprises me, he makes me laugh, he makes me look forward to spending time with him, he makes me nervous, he frustrates me and he baffles me.

We talk, I mean really talk and last night we were saying some of the exact same things at the same time. How weird is that?

We had a little chat Friday night and apparently, according to him, I scare him and he doesn’t quite know what to do with that. I scare him b/c I know what I want. (In whose world?) I have it together. (HA! Good one!) He said on Friday that was the reason that he hadn’t emailed or called me until that night was b/c he didn’t know how to handle his thoughts about me. (I say “whatever” to that.) He said that he wants a wife and children someday but not right now. I told him that was such a coincidence b/c I’m not looking for a relationship with him.

And yet, regardless of that, I’m drawn.

I asked him why me? He’s a super good looking guy and he knows it. He could be with just about anyone. He has a genuine enthusiasm for people and treats everyone equally regardless of ability, size, shape, looks, etc. – I’ve seen it first hand. People are drawn to him. He said “Why YOU? Look at you. You’re a complete pain in my a$$...(he was smiling as he said that and according to him I’m a pain in his a$$ b/c I push back and don’t let him get away with anything). You’re sexy... really sexy. I don’t think you see it but you absolutely are. (Wow, hello there...) I like talking to you. I could talk to you for a long time. I enjoy YOU.”

He said that he tried to stay away b/c he’s not looking for a relationship and yet there I am (whatever that meant). I told him I’m not looking for a relationship either. But then he countered that by saying that he thinks I’m scared to find a good guy. (Has he been talking to MC b/c she says the same thing?) I had to digest that one and emailed him later that he’s scared to find a nice girl. I think that he thinks he doesn’t deserve a truly nice girl right now.

What I didn't haven’t explained yet is that he scares me too, quite a lot, not b/c he knows what he wants - he doesn't, and not b/c he has it together - I think he’s working on that but isn't there yet, no, he scares me b/c he is quite unlike anyone I've been attracted to in a lot of ways and I will admit that I am really quite powerfully attracted. I don't want to be but I am. I'm not quite sure what to do or not do about him. I’m scared silly of allowing myself to feel anything for anyone again and frankly, I’d like it to be with someone a wee bit safer than this guy. This guy is anything but safe or tame, especially for me.

That being said, I enjoy him, I enjoy spending time with him, I enjoy his friendship, I enjoy the laughs and the honesty and the kisses but I don’t know exactly how to react when we’re around others. I pretty much ignore that there's anything between us and keep him at arm's length. I really don’t think either one of us are ready to have to explain anything to any of the gang we’re friends with. I know I'm not. And, if it came down to it, I’d rather have his friendship than lose it.

As of right now, I have no expectations and I am just taking it as it comes or not.

I could be wrong and things could change, he could really surprise me and things could progress but for now, as previously stated, I’m just enjoying living in the moment for once. It’s weird b/c I feel like this time I’m experiencing those “typical guy emotions”. You know, the ones where they’re not sure and they aren’t looking for any pressure, any expectations, or any emotional entanglements but at the same time they like the other person and don’t want to shut down any possibilities that may or may not be there? Or is that just me? I’m a little confused b/c I don’t think I’ve ever quite been in a situation like this.

SIGH! MC says that if I blow it by automatically putting up walls and barriers from the start then I might end up with some real regrets. I hate to say that she just might be right on that one.

Wacky Wednesday

Ok, I know, I know, I haven't posted in a while. Been busy. So, today there is a variety of things I'm posting and later tonight when I can get the pics off of my camera, I'll post them on here as well. I have a meme, a poem and some stream of consciousness writing to post. I've never really been into stream of consciousness writing, but I have had so much going on that it's really the only way to put it down without writing a freaking novel.

Favorites Meme

Stolen BORROWED from UISCE

TIME OF DAY: 20:00 or – on the 12 hour clock – 8:00 PM. Em is usually in bed by that time, on Thursday's Grey's Anatomy is on and usually, when Em is with her dad, that is the anticipatory time right before I step out the door to go out dancing or out with friends.
DAY OF THE WEEK: Saturday. I don't have to get ready for work, I can stay out late at night since church starts at 11:00 the next morning, be lazy during the day if I want, watch movies, lounge in my PJ's and have, in general – USUALLY – no expectations for myself on that day.
SEASON: Fall. The crispness and the colors, the warmish days where one can still wear shorts usually and the cool nights where usually a jacket or sweatshirt is required. Perfect camping weather, perfect bonfire weather...oh, and it's FOOTBALL season!!!
HOLIDAY: Christmas – all the lights, the celebrations, the decorations, the music/carols/songs, the lift in people's spirits to be nicer, the anticipation and excitement of children as they count down to Christmas and, most important of all the others, the birth of Jesus is celebrated.
BEACHES: Never been to a good beach, just the Texas ones and they're kinda dirty though the pictures that I've seen of islands in the Pacific that are stunning. It's kind of irrelevant though b/c I'm a mountain girl. I love the snowy mountains in the winter and the snow capped mountains dotted with trees and flowers in the summer.
FLOWER: White and yellow daisies. They're such a cheery flower!
TALK SHOW: Hand's down – Glenn Beck. He tells it as it is and makes no apologies or excuses – even though he is on the Communist News Network. Pretty much is their "token" conservative.
MOVIE: All-time favorite? The Princess Bride
SOAPS: Right now I'm in the Bath and Body Work's Coconut Lime Verbena stage. Crisp and cool with a hint of the tropics.
BEVERAGE: Liquor: Tequila; Beer: Guinness or Lambic Frambois; Wine: Clos du Bois Merlot or a good, chilled Café Zinfandel; Soda: Sonic's Route 44 Cherry Limeade.
FRUIT: Hmmmmm, watermelon, mango or pineapple. I can't choose just one!
SNACK: I'm not such a snack-y person but maybe I'd have to say honey roasted cashews or Ruffles potato chips with Kraft's French Onion dip.
FOOD: A center cut buffalo filet cooked medium rare/medium with my mashed potatoes. That NEVER will change
RESTAURANT: In Austin: Austin Land & Cattle (NOT affiliated with Texas Land and Cattle, which is an abomination to steak everywhere); In Dallas: YO Steakhouse; Chain restaurant: Pappasito's for their chicken fajitas.
http://www.whiskeytalking.com/

Also, stolen BORROWED from Uisce is this poem that I really like and it spoke so much to me and in a way it fits partly with my stream of consciousness stuff. I wish I had someone to anticipate this with.

will today be the day
heart bursting open
secrets hidden
too much to hide
treasures buried
how many lifetimes
waiting and saving
will today be the day
heart broken open
feelings revealed
nothing to hide
given away
will today be the day

Ok, and now with the SOC stuff. This may or may not be in order of events, though probably not. I've never really done SOC so this probably is nothing like it. LOL!

I hate having acute bronchitis b/c it lingers and I'm hacking and coughing this crud up and when will it ever end? It takes time away from my being able to go to Krav Maga b/c I can't keep up with my lungs and coughing and hacking all over the place. The humidity and heat doesn't help either.

On Memorial Day I was kissed for the first time in almost a year. It was pretty hot! I liked it...a lot... I really kind of like the guy. Never thought I'd be attracted to someone who is almost my height, maybe an inch or so taller, but I realize how comfortable it is, really. No neck cricks and no back aches from reaching, stretching, bending, trying to get to the other person. I'm not expecting anything from him. I like his friendship, I really liked the kisses but he's not a long term relationship for me that I can see. He's someone I wouldn't mind casually dating though.

A different kind of date to remember – Emily was baptized on Sunday! She's been asking for over a year to be baptized. She made her decision to become a Christian three days before her 4th birthday and it was a surprising event for me b/c I didn't realize that she was doing it until she was half way through. It was a joyous moment for me as I have been praying since before she was born for her to make that decision early in life. Jack and Gayle were in town this weekend which is why the church allowed her to get baptized last Sunday instead of this coming Sunday. Jack spoke at my church to an unprecedented completely packed service both hours. Not one seat left empty in a 2,000 seat church for either service and it looked like even some standing room only stuff going on as well. His reception that afternoon was pretty packed as well. It's been good to see them. I'm their road tour coordinator and set up the speaking engagements for him across the US between April and October. I'll be seeing them this weekend to in San Antonio for another event. It's been nice to see them several times this year so far. And nice to have the meetings in places to stay that are cheap – as in free.

UGH! I'm so poor right now. I STILL haven't gotten my tickets to Kansas City for my birthday b/c of things coming up and the prices are doing nothing but rising. I wonder if God is trying to keep me from going, even though I really want to see my friends and really want to get back to Kansas City to just enjoy it and a live baseball game. I don't like baseball on TV, couldn't get into watching it in earnest on the tube, but live? Now that's hot!

Speaking of hot...yeah, that kiss was pretty smoking. Ok, kisses plural, yes, a few more than one. I wonder if he's thinking about them too. It's been about 10 months, according to him, since his last kiss. I don't understand why exactly. Man, he really has beautiful green/grey eyes that hold a hint of blue sometimes and a great smile and I can talk to him for hours on end. He's smart, articulate, funny and really, really laid back and down to earth. Yeah, even with the no expectations, I admit I'm kinda crushin'. He and his roommate live about 3 blocks from me. We met through a mutual friend who is the ex of my best friend, MC.

While we're on the subject of MC, she and I and another friend went to the Biker Parade this weekend and it was glorious and smelly and LOUD and awesome! Oh, and I rode on the back of a bike Friday night after the Biker Parade downtown. MC and I had a friend that was riding in it and we met up with him after. We hung around downtown for a while and then decided to go to this fun little dive bar about 5 or so miles away (it's clean, well lit, has old fashioned table Ms. Pac-Man and air-hockey, etc. and is one of the best kept secrets in South Austin). Well, our friend who was in the parade had never been there so MC said "Who's going to ride with Rob to tell him where to go?" My hand shot up before she was even finished. I was all "Is there REALLY any need for discussion on this? MC, you HATE motorcycles in theory and in practice though you like to look at them. Deb, you own a Harley and can ride anytime. I have not been on a bike since 1994. I WILL be riding with Rob." They all got a big kick out of that. I refused the helmet (NO COMMENTS ON THAT THEY WILL BE DELETED – IT WAS MY CHOICE) and rode with tears streaming out of my eyes from the wind and my hair flying back with this HUGE grin on my face the whole way. It was absolute FREEDOM! I loved, loved, loved it!

I've been cheated, been mistreated, when will I be loved? Good lands, ain't that the truth! That was the first song I ever sang karaoke on. Heck, I'd just settle for a date right now, though I did get those kisses. And, I admit, it was nice, really that he made the move. It was completely unexpected and took me by surprise...the first time. The second time I knew it was coming and dove in with both feet. SIGH! Yeah, I know I've talked a lot about the kissin' but when you're (as MC says I am) touch starved and there's this mutual attraction...or maybe it was the beer talking?...it just kind of stays on the forefront of your mind.

And beer. As Buffy would say "Beer Good!" and as good ol' Ben Franklin said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!" MC introduced me to this fantabulous beer that I immediately tumbled head over heels for. Of course it's a bit expensive at almost 5.00 per bottle, but the bottle is a pretty big one. It's called Lambic Frambois. It's a raspberry beer that tastes very unlike a beer and it super, duper tasty! Of course at the price, that's one beer that I won't be indulging in on a regular basis, but it'll definitely be enjoyed on the occasions I can. :)

Ok, so that's all for the rambling SOC, which I'm still not sure if I did it right. I have a lot left inside I could talk about but I won't right now.

Happy Wednesday! We're on the downhill slide to the weekend and I will be extremely happy for that! It's been a really, really busy past four weekends in a row. No rest for the weary. Hope your's is beautiful!

Memorial Day 2007

It is raining cats and dogs here, as has been usual for most Memorial Days here in Austin.

This is my annual Memorial Day post but first, how can you support the troops? Follow the link to a page I did last year that has A LOT of ways that YOU can support our men and women in uniform: SOS: Support Our Soldiers. God bless the troops, God bless America!

"A Nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces, but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.” These words were spoken by President John F. Kennedy in 1963. Throughout history brave men and women have risked their lives in service to our great country with courage, honor, and dedication.

God Bless our fighting men and women who put their lives on the line every day to protect us and bring freedom and democracy to nations who are under a dictator's thumb, to nations whose streets run red with the foul wind of genocide, to nations who are under the rule of fanatical regimes who believe in killing one's wife, sister, daughter, mother for some imagined "dishonor" to the family so that the families "honor" can be restored. These brave military men and women bring hope to those who have had none, bring justice to those who have been unjustly condemned, who sacrifice their lives so that others can have a life to live freely for the first time. Your efforts are not in vain. They do not go unnoticed. You are not unappreciated. Thank you for all that you do. May God bless you and your loved ones today and always for your willing sacrifices.

A friend of mine who is a military veteran wrote this and allowed me to re-post it here. Thanks James!

Many of you have seen war, many of us have family who have seen war, and many of us have lost family and/or friends to war. Yet, the flag continues to fly. Amidst the rejection that this war was necessary, the democrats weak and shameful discredit to our troops, and the critics who say we can't make a difference...the flag continues to fly. Even though the enemy can hide, even though our so called Allies turn tail and run...the continues to fly.

America defends herself valiantly with the most courageous of people, with the most courageous of hearts...that's why the flag continues to fly. Our young men and women know the truth of what it means to be free, and they know what it will mean if we end up like some of those "other" countries...that's why our flag continues to fly. The history of this nation began with soldiers making a stand; They fought and died to win our freedoms, and left a legacy of honor and integrity in a constitution guaranteeing human rights to every person in the US of A...that's why the flag still flies.

And so, as our polictical leaders often seek to make a name for themselves...as our children watch and wander what will happen next, and while we all stand amazed at the events of the world today...

Our flag will continue to fly. I dare anybody, to try and make her stop flying. Give us liberty of give us death, give us freedom...or take our lives.

Don't touch my flag.



The Music

Toby Keith - American Soldier:
Toby is a HUGE supporter of our military men and women. This song is one of the best one's I've heard from the country musicians in support of our American soldiers. Very blunt, very moving.



The second offering is the traditional bagpipe and drums verson of Amazing Grace. We had the color guard in church yesterday morning and they had a piper and drummer and it brought me to tears. Not just a little tears, but a lot of tears. There is nothing quite like hearing Amazing Grace on the bagpipes with a drum and remembering that other are out there putting their lives on the line so that I don't have to. Protecting the most precious part of my life, my daughter with their lives, sometimes leaving behind children of their own when they make that ultimate sacrifice. If it doesn't move you to tears the sacrifices they make for you and your family, you probably have a heart of stone.



Here is the best rendition of Taps I've heard, with a double trumpet solo. Beautiful!



The words to "Taps":
(Note: there are no "official" words to Taps, below are the most popular.)

Day is done,
gone the sun,
From the hills,
from the lake,
From the skies.
All is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.
Go to sleep,
peaceful sleep,
May the soldier
or sailor,
God keep.
On the land
or the deep,
Safe in sleep.

Love, good night,
Must thou go,
When the day,
And the night
Need thee so?
All is well.
Speedeth all
To their rest.

Fades the light;
And afar
Goeth day,
And the stars
Shineth bright,
Fare thee well;
Day has gone,
Night is on.

Thanks and praise,
For our days,
'Neath the sun,
Neath the stars,
'Neath the sky,
As we go,
This we know,
God is nigh.

Next up is the Tim McGraw song "If You're Reading This". Tim wrote this song as a tribute to the fallen soldiers and their families and he performed it beautifully at the ACM's - most people had never heard it before then. Fortunately there are a couple of videos of that song that I have found. The first one is a tribute to the soldiers that someone did to the song and the second one is from a TIVO that someone did of the ACM's and it's the original performance.

Remember to pray for our soldiers every night that God protects them and brings them home safely.

Godspeed, God bless and be safe!

If You're Reading This
If you're reading this, with my momma sitting there,
looks like I only got a one way ticket over here.
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss,
war was just a game we played when we were kids.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

Half way around the world,
I wont be there to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you...I hope she fights like me
and stands up for the innocent and the weak.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes.
So...lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

If you're reading this...there's going to come a day,
you'll move on and find someone else and that's ok.
Just remember this, I'm in a better place,
soldiers live in peace and angels sing Amazing Grace.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.







The above video is a song from Marine Mike Corrado called "My Watch". The words are beautiful and the music poignant. Enjoy the song and the pictures of life in Iraq for the soldiers.

The Trivia

Memorial Day was founded to honor military personnel who died in The Civil War and was first celebrated on May 5th, 1866 in Waterloo New York, though it was first widely celebrated two years alter on May 30, 1868. President Johnson declared in 1996 that Waterloo was the birthplace of Memorial Day because the town had made Memorial Day an annual, community-wide event during which businesses closed and residents decorated the graves of soldiers with flowers and flags. Today, Memorial Day is celebrated at Arlington National Cemetery with a ceremony in which a small American flag is placed on each grave. Also, it is customary for the President or Vice-President to give a speech honoring the contributions of the dead and lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. About 5,000 people attend the ceremony annually.

In reading the poem In Flander's Fields, themost asked question about it is: why poppies?

Wild poppies flower when other plants in their direct neighbourhood are dead. Their seeds can lie on the ground for years and years, but only when there are no more competing flowers or shrubs in the vicinity (for instance when someone firmly roots up the ground), these seeds will sprout.

There was enough rooted up soil on the battlefield of the Western Front; in fact the whole front consisted of churned up soil. So in May 1915, when McCrae wrote his poem, around him bloodred poppies blossomed like no one had ever seen before.

But in this poem the poppy plays one more role. The poppy is known as a symbol of sleep. The last line We shall not sleep, though poppies grow / In Flanders fields might point to this fact. Some kinds of poppies are used to derive opium from, from which morphine is made. Morphine is one of the strongest painkillers and was often used to put a wounded soldier to sleep. Sometimes medical doctors used it in a higher dose to put the incurable wounded out of their misery.

About the Poppies
Where did the idea of calling Memorial Day "Poppy Day"? Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day. Then in 1915, inspired by the poem "In Flanders Fields," Moina Michael replied with her own poem:

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

She then conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial Day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Later a Madam Guerin from France was visiting the United States and learned of this new custom started by Moina Michael and when she returned to France, made artificial red poppies to raise money for war orphaned children and widowed women.

This tradition spread to other countries. In 1921, the Franco-American Children's League sold poppies nationally to benefit war orphans of France and Belgium. The League disbanded a year later and Madam Guerin approached the VFW for help.

Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans' organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their "Buddy" Poppy program was selling artificial poppies made by disabled veterans. In 1948 the US Post Office honored Moina Michae for her role in founding the National Poppy movement by issuing a red 3 cent postage stamp with her likeness on it.

Since the late 1950's - on the Thursday before Memorial Day - the 1,200 soldiers of the 3d U.S. Infantry place small American flags at each of the more than 260,000 gravestones at Arlington National Cemetery. They then patrol 24 hours a day during the weekend to ensure that each flag remains standing.

The Poetry
Perhaps the most popular poem that is quoted or recited on memorial day is this one by Major John McCrae:

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Another tribute to our fighting men and women is from Walt Whitman entitled:
Dirge for Two Veterans
THE last sunbeam
Lightly falls from the finish'd Sabbath,
On the pavement here-and there beyond, it is looking,
Down a new-made double grave.

Lo! the moon ascending!
Up from the east, the silvery round moon;
Beautiful over the house tops, ghastly phantom moon;
Immense and silent moon.

I see a sad procession,
And I hear the sound of coming full-key'd bugles;
All the channels of the city streets they're flooding,
As with voices and with tears.

I hear the great drums pounding,
And the small drums steady whirring;
And every blow of the great convulsive drums,
Strikes me through and through.

For the son is brought with the father;
In the foremost ranks of the fierce assault they fell;
Two veterans, son and father, dropt together,
And the double grave awaits them.

Now nearer blow the bugles,
And the drums strike more convulsive;
And the day-light o'er the pavement quite has faded,
And the strong dead-march enwraps me.

In the eastern sky up-buoying,
The sorrowful vast phantom moves illumin'd;
('Tis some mother's large, transparent face,
In heaven brighter growing.)

O strong dead-march, you please me!
O moon immense, with your silvery face you soothe me!
O my soldiers twain! O my veterans, passing to burial!
What I have I also give you.

The moon gives you light,
And the bugles and the drums give you music;
And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,
My heart gives you love.

Eulogy for a Veteran
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the Gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

-Author Unknown

THEY SOFTLY WALK
a poem

They are not gone who pass
Beyond the clasp of hand,
Out from the stone embrace.
They are but come so close
We need not grope with hands,
Nor look to see, nor try
To catch the sound of feet.
They have put off their shoes
Softly to walk by day
Within our thoughts, to tread
At night our dream - led paths
Of sleep.
They are not lost who find
The sunset gate, the goal
Of all their faithful years.
Not lost are they who reach
The summit of their climb,
The peak above the clouds
And storms. They are not lost
Who find the light of sun
And stars and God.
They are not dead who live
In hearts they leave behind.
In those whom they have blessed
They live a life again,
And shall live through the years
Eternal life, and grow
Each day more beautiful
As time declares their good,
Forgets the rest, and proves
Their immortality.

By Hugh Robert Orr

Meme Theme

I have a couple of memes that I am participating in that are kind of fun and pretty easy! My thanks to my very dear blogfriends Captain Picard and One4JC for these memes. Also, I am going to do a fun little exercise that I think you will enjoy!

Here is the first meme:

Can you go to Google (the location may be slightly different to where you are in the world)? Type in your first name and the word 'needs'. For example 'John needs'. Let me know the results in the comments.

My answers are (pretty surprising on a couple):

...Nicole Needs a Boob Job (Thanks but not really, I have plenty already)

...Nicole needs a few good home-town friends to hang out with (I have some great ones!)

...Nicole needs to purge some aliens (Um, I'm sure I don't know what they're talking about here)

...Nicole needs to hit the glass harder (What glass would that be here?)

...Nicole needs to get her glow, charisma, and energy back (Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition on this one - they're right but how to go about doing it?)

...Nicole needs beers and hamburgers (Works for me!!!)

...Nicole needs a real man who is taller and bigger than her (I'd settle for just one please)

...Nicole needs is to know that there is someone in this world she can trust (With my heart you mean)

Now for the next one:

1. Go to Wikipedia and put in your birthday, without the year, in the search bar.

2. List on your blog 3 events, 2 births, 1 death and 1 holiday that happens(ed) on your birthday. 3. Then tag 5 more friends to do it!

July 5

3 Events:
1. 1865 - The Salvation Army is founded in the East End of London, England.
2. 1937 - Spam, the luncheon meat, was introduced into the market by the Hormel Foods Corporation.
3. 1989 - The sitcom Seinfeld aired its first episode. (For my many, many friends who are Seinfeld fans - though I don't know why)

2 Births:
1. 1810 - P.T. Barnum, American circus owner (d. 1891)
2. 1963 - Edie Falco, American actress

1 Death:
1. 2002 - Ted Williams, baseball player (b. 1918)

1 Holiday:
1. Isle of Man: Tynwald Day - 1266 (There weren't many and this was the most interesting one)

Now for the really fun stuff! Can you make up or do you know some book titles and authors that go together well? I had so much fun doing this one last year on Captain Picard's Journal! The below titles are examples of a collaboration between myself and someone else. Enjoy!

The Clifftop Accident by Eileen Dover
Elegant Cars by Iona Ferrari
Map Making by Easton West
Litigation Techniques by Sue Yu
A Risky Way To Earn Money by Robin Banks
The Long Journey To Paris by Francis Faraway
Hostile To Culture by Phyllis Tyne
Singing In Pubs by Carrie Okey
Ten-Pin by Bo Lingalley
A Study Of Mathematics by D. Vision & Ad Ishun
The Contingency Plan by Justin Case
My Crazy Life by Batsin D. Belfry
All About Occam by Ray Zorzedge
Anger Managment by Flip U. DeByrd
The New Existentialism by Toby Ornottoby
Inside The Bunny Ranch by Amanda Licknblow
Making Money by Bill Fold
Handling Sibling Rivalry by Sharon Sharalike
1001 Laughs A Minute by Joe Kerr
Your Heart And You by Angie O. Graham
How To Get Ahead In Life by Watt A. Nass
Trannylicious by Adam Sapple
The Wisdom of Baghdad Bob by Major Lee D. Feated
The Hollywood Diet by Annie Rexia
Superficial by Faye Slift
The Breakfast In Bed Cookbook by Hammond Eggs
Praise Him! by Hal E. Luya
The Art of Self-Defense by Holden McGroin
The Book of Party Etiquitte by Kay Ken Kofee
Which Meat To Choose? by B. Forlamb
Cooking Food Quickly by Mike Rowave
Bad Luck All Round by Des Astor & Cal Amity
Bogart: A Life In Film by Cassie Blanca
Memorization Techniques by Drew A. Blanc
The Vicar's Life by Hugh Morless
Famous Mishaps In History by Dee Zaster
Proper Sleeping Techniques by Payne N. DeNeque
Life Inside Windsor Palace by Roy L. Ball
Travel Games for Kids by Ari Deryet
A Look Inside Sapphic Society by Les Beahan
Burps, Farts and Other Rude Noises by X.Q. Schmee
Surprising Things You Never Knew by Al B. Dammd
Housebreaking Your Pet by P. Oliver DeFleur
Medicine By Any Other Name... by Jen Erick
Ten Easy Steps to Becoming A Morning Person by Eurasmus B. Draggin
Queen of the Double Wide by Iona Trailer
The Easy Guide to Family Traveling by Cara Van
Pop Psychology by Norm Al Gai
Sinking Ships by Lou Slipps
Tender Expressions by Olive Yu
How to Get More Back On Your Taxes by Lou Pole
Home On The Range by Barb Dwyer
He Said What? by Shirley Eugeste
Timeless Love Songs by Sam & Janet Evening
Semper Fi - My Life As A Military Wife by Maureen Core
The Films of Macaulay Culkin by Homer Lone
Coming Up With A Plan by Ivan Idea
A Life Down Under by Oz Tralia
Knocked Out by C. Ingstars
Help Me! by May Day
A Breeze Is Blowing by Wynne D. Weather
Sound Advice by Luke B. Foryouleep
A Substitute For Butter by Marge Areen
The Shortcut by D. Tour
Handling Hemherroids by Arsen Fyre
Plumbing For Dummies by Dwayne Pipe
The Game's Afoot by Hugh Dunitt
Manners Matter by Hugo First
Foot Fetishes by Iva Bunion
America, Land of Diversity by Mel Tingpot
The Life and Times of Snoop Dog and Willie Nelson by S. Moe Queed
Courage In the Face of Fear by Azheet Midrawrz
Robotics in the 21st Century by Anne Droid
The New Wee Willy Winky by Oliver Towne
So You're Single...Get Over It! by N. D. Nyle
The World Is My Oyster by Meg Alomaniack
The Irreverent School Boy by S. A. Creligious
All For One by Hugh Nanimus
The Flood Heard 'Round the World by Noah Zark
The Problem With Truancy by Marcus Abcent
Traveling the Orient on a Budget by Rick Shaw
From Weed to Feed - The New Salad Greens by Dan D. Lyons
I Have A Headache And Other Excuses by Yu No Funn
Huggable You by Ted D. Bear
The History of America by Lana DeFree and Homer DeBrave
The Heroes of 9/11 by Les Twee Forgett
Good Intentions by Helena Handbasket