Wise Words

"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14


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Monday, April 30, 2007

When it rains it pours

It seems like when it rains it pours and lately it's been flooding. I found out last week Monday that I was one of 10 people not chosen to interview for transition to the companies that took over the major contract that we lost on that re-compete bid last year so I may be jobless on September 1, and I don't know if my work wants to keep me around or if I'm going to have to look for another job. It's scary as heck for me right now even though it is in God's hands. I haven't had child support from my ex since September and there are all these expenses associated with Emily's tuition, etc., though I can't withhold him from seeing her or I can get thrown in jail for contempt of court decree but the courts can't force him to get a job to pay child support so right now he gets all of the benefits and none of the responsibilities and that is really weighing on me.

Emily was really sick last week with viral tonsilitis and a fever of 104 for 3 days, but b/c it was viral there were no meds that they could give her and it just had to run its course so every day I was up with her around 4-4:30 b/c she was waking up at that time b/c her throat hurt her so bad – let me tell you, I'm exhausted today still from last week. And then on Friday something happend and my feelings about it are kinda petty but it really got to me. On Wednesday or Thursday one guy here asked the lead admin to go to lunch, which he does on a regular basis and that's fine, and then b/c they were standing right where the receptionist was, they asked her if she wanted to go too, I was standing right around the corner checking the fax machine and I walked up and not a word was mentioned to me. So then, not only was I NOT asked to go to lunch, I was also asked to cover for them while they went b/c the admin across the hall couldn't cover - so they had no intention of asking me in the first place, even if the person across the hall could have covered. I ended up getting a message and having to leave for the day and was glad to do so b/c I was about to snap and it was getting really difficult to hold my tongue. It's been going on like this for a few weeks now. Not these things in particular, but just little things that seem to really get under my skin.

Not only that but I was called last week by my insurance b/c the girl from the last post was filing an injury claim – I mean come ON! And then yesterday I was with my mom and Emily getting soil for my mom's plants and I either got stung or bit twice by something right on the crease where my rear meets my leg. It stung like FIRE, though curiously there is no real redness or bite marks, but every now and then I feel a bit of discomfort going down my right hamstring from the bite site and it really burns when something warm brushes up against it. Suckage. Seriously.

When it rains, it pours and I feel like I just want to cry, but I won't b/c that's not me. I'm the one who just sucks it up and pushes on, putting one foot in front of the other, but I'd really like to take a break. Have everything going really ok in my life with no work/life stress, no bickering, no worrying about money and how am I going to keep making ends meet, have someone for once who was afraid of losing me, who was happy to see me and who felt blessed that I was in their life. Is that too much to ask? Sometimes I feel like it is b/c I've been asking and I haven't seen anything yet. SIGH...

Yup, it's another Monday. :-P


Laurel Wreath said...

I wish I was there to give you a big hug, hang in there girl. When it is the darkest, the Lord gives us bright stars to see. Hang in there.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I really hope everything turns out for you, my friend. The uncertainty is no help at all. With Emily off sick, it was no help for you.

Wish I could help you more. You have my support.

Michael Manning said...

((HUGS)) to you and Emily. 104 is quite a high temperature and after I read this I thought,"This can and will get better for you". Thoughts and prayers coming your way on the job situation too!