Ask Nic Answers

What a beautiful day! After a lovely rain last night the temperatures stayed in the mid-60's for half the day, then slowly rose to the mid-80's with crystal clear blue skies and a lovely cool breeze! Life is good today. Dan is doing really well, Emily's party is coming up and things are coming along like "buttah" (although how do you get parents to RSVP as requested and not just show up?), I'm planning a huge gathering on short notice – 11 days from today – of people from all over Texas, work is great (I really enjoy the people I work with). Today is just a great day!

I really love my readers – especially my regular readers. They are a bunch of fun and come up with varied, interesting and introspective questions for my AskNic sessions!

So, let's just jump right in, shall we?

The ever interesting, always fun Uisce had the first question. I can honestly say that I have not had a question like this one before, but I really like the difference!

What brand of peanut butter do you like best?

Well, I have two brands that I like the best. I like the creamy Jiff – yum, yum…'cause you know "choosy mothers choose Jiff". I also like Peter Pan Honey Peanut Butter. If I don't have any around I will mix honey with the Jiff peanut butter, but I really like the sweet taste of the honey in this peanut butter! I'm not a crunchy peanut butter fan.
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My very dear blogfriend CMHL AKA Crouching Mommy Hidden Laundry (isn't that the cutest name?!) had this thought provoking question to ask.

What challenges/joys/likes/dislikes do you find when you are getting to know someone (i.e.-- Dan) in an "online" relationship? Do you think this venue really allows you to get to know someone much better and sets a firm foundation for the future?

Well, that is a great question. I've never had an "online" relationship before so this is a first for me.

Challenges: not being able to spend time together; different schedules (though granted that is from the time difference); sometimes just wanting to be held after a tough day or just in general and not being able to be held by that person; wishing to share normal day to day things and not being able to other than online or over the phone.

Joys: getting to connect with him! Being over in Iraq, or at least having someone over there can be nerve wracking for the ones left behind here so any time I can talk to Dan lets me know that he is doing ok and that he's still coming back home safe and healthy. I really enjoy the being able to be silly online with him that translates well on chat that might not translate so well in real life. LOL!

Likes: I like that we have been able to share so much online that we might not have shared yet in person. I think that being online kind of gives that bit of protection when you're talking about something serious, not being able to see the other person's reaction and giving them time to process what was discussed first. Does that make any sense? We listen to streaming country radio from time to time and can listen to the same songs together. We listen to radio broadcasts of people like Charles Swindoll and James Dobson and it has really brought us closer being able to listen to those together and comment on them as we're listening without interrupting the broadcast to "talk" our comments. We also pray at the end of our online chats and that is something very special as well that has helped to draw us closer, being able to pray for each other and with each other.

Dislikes: Same as the challenges…not being able to spend time in the same proximity together, not being able to hold hands or go to a movie or go out dancing, etc.

Do I think this venue allows me to get to know someone much better and set a firm foundation for the future? Yes. Let me explain. It is easier to get to know Dan by online emails and chat and on the phone without the physical getting in the way. My mom mentioned one time that just walking down the street, Dan isn't someone I would have chosen for myself. And admittedly she is right. But because I have gotten to know Dan online – I have gotten to know his heart first without the physical being a factor and that makes him all the more special to me and the BEST part is coming to know that, in person, he is the same as he is online. Though I do very strongly believe that proximity is what ultimately makes or breaks a relationship – meaning that you get to know who they are all the time when they can't hide behind a computer. You get to see how they handle certain situations, rather than read about how they say they handle them. You get to see the not so lovely parts about their personality and you get to make that decision as to whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with them based upon what you see – not what you read. However, that being said, there is something to be said for knowing the heart of a person first before letting all the physical factors get in the way. The physical factors can blind some to faults and flaws not readily apparent at first.
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And lastly, my dear intergalactic friend Captain Picard, a true encourager and supporter, asked:

I remember you saying you met Dan through EHarmony; why did you choose this one?

Now, I'm going to assume that he meant why did I choose eHarmony and not why did I choose Dan. LOL! Though I will tell you that too.

I chose eHarmony because all the other sites don't seem to screen very well for their matches. There are married people on most other sites who are looking for a fling or affair and I refuse to do business with anyone who would not screen for that. EHarmony allows you to do an extremely in-depth analysis of yourself – well over 400 questions to answer – and based on your response they match you with who they think you are compatible with (based on their answers) and you can choose to accept or decline that match. For some people it takes months to find that one match that really lights their fire and they get discouraged, some people – like Dan and me – it takes weeks or even days to find that match. Dan was online for 2 weeks. I had been online for 2 days. I actually was the one to initiate the contact with Dan – GASP! Yes, I admit it. Before I looked at Dan's picture, I read his profile and I really, REALLY liked what I read. It gave me a really good idea of what he was about. (Some of the other profiles I'd read gave me good ideas of what they were about too – money, narcisstic, immature – though not all were like that). I like that Dan KNEW who James Dobson was and counted him as an influence in his life. That's the kind of person I want to end up with. When I saw Dan's picture it was literally like something in my chest went THUMP! Seriously. I don't know what it was about his picture, but it just drew me to him. There were other guys who were almost beautiful b/c they were so good looking, but their pictures did nothing for me, but Dan's picture? Dan's just made my heart pitter-patter.

EHarmony allows you to choose the limits of what you are looking for and will not give you matches that fall outside of your parameters. Does it cost more than the other sites – yes, but I figure that someone who wasn't serious about finding a partner, someone to commit to, won't spend the money to join.

Thank you guys for participating. I really enjoy answering your questions! I will have another AskNic up this week! :)