Wise Words

"Wait on the Lord, be strong and of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...wait on the Lord. Psalms 27:14

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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

When the vows break...

So, how does one go on with being betrayed in the worst way by their spouse? Blissfully going on in life with the belief that my marriage was strong, that I’d finally found someone who was trustworthy...after all, hadn’t he proved it many times? Sure, we’d had a couple bumps in the road since he moved to Midland for work, but we were good.

Or so I thought.

Imagine my shock when I got a call from my husband the Wednesday before Easter letting me know that he’d been in the hospital the previous night because he’d broken his hand.

Imagine my total and complete surprise when I found out that the reason for the broken hand was because he’d not only been having an affair, but living with her and she finally found out he was married and broke up with him, resulting in his broken hand.

On top of that, he admitted to drug use for over two years that he was able to successfully hide from me and a growing disposition toward alcoholism.

It’s easy to hide those things when one acts no differently at home on the weekend visits. It’s easy when one’s spouse hasn’t had experience being around people on drugs and therefore has no idea what to look for and chalks it up to the stress of not having a job for a long time, injuries, having to move to find work, etc. It’s easy to lie when one has successfully lied to everyone most of their life and covered it up more than convincingly.

How could the man who had been such a great father to my daughter and our son, who had been the man I doted on and loved with all my heart, decide that he was done? Decide that he was going to be selfish and do what he wanted and just throw everything away?

There was nothing that I could say or do that would change his mind from the course of divorce. Even though I was willing to work on it. Wanted to work on it because he was my husband and I loved him. I was told that either I would file for divorce or he would because his heart wasn't in it, he had zero desire to even try to work things out. In order to keep the case here in Austin so I didn't have to travel and leave the kids here I got the papers prepared to file here.

Imagine the biggest shock of all when I found out one week later that I was pregnant! He was very unhappy about that because in the state of Texas there is no divorce when there is a pregnancy between the divorcing partners and this was thwarting HIS wants. I went to the perinatal doctor for an ultrasound and there was the teeny tiny baby and a very low heartbeat. Only 72 beats per minute. I still had hope that I would carry this baby to a safe, healthy birth, unlike the miscarriage I had on Mother’s Day the previous year.

Sadly, that was not to be. The weekend before Memorial Day Weekend I started the process of miscarrying and that Monday I did...the day before I started a new job after having been laid off for about 4 months. A couple weeks later I finally filed for divorce. At that point I’d heard next to nothing from my husband other than his problems and needs from trying to commit suicide and then wanting me to talk him down at 1:30 one morning and around 3 in the morning the next time around.

So, the question goes back to how does one deal with these compounding stresses?

Romans 8:28...For we know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.

It is ONLY because of God that I can get through everything that life has thrown at me. He has been my Deliverer, my Protector, my Fortress, my Strength and my Guide. He has been the one who kept me blessedly numb emotionally when all of this was hitting me, so that I could go on with my new job and continue to take care of my children. God is the ONLY reason that I have the strength that I do. That I can look forward to my future. That I can look forward to loving again when the right person comes along.

God has provided for me so far and I know He will continue to provide all of the needs that I and the kids have.

With God ALL things are possible, including a beautiful, bright future that is uncharted and lies ahead of me. Praise God for His tender mercies toward His children. Thank Him in ALL things because everything He does is for our benefit and growth and for His glory.

Hardest thing in the world to do is praise Him for the bad in your life, but you have to remember that nothing happens to you that hasn’t first been approved and ordained by God. Remember, it’s for our growth and maturity. The hard times show us if we will turn TOWARD God or turn FROM Him. It shows us and others the content of our character.

What do you want your character to say about you?

5 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I am truly, truly shocked, Nic. I thought you had a fine husband. How sad that we sometimes don't know that person we live with.

Afsoon and Shapour said...

Hello,

I have visited your blog and enjoyed it very much. It has a great inspiration.

Would you like to visit my weblog which I created about 8 months ago?

My wife and I are Iranian and live in the UK. We love Jesus and our weblog is mostly about our Lord. Since we are Iranian we have added some Persian topics to the weblog, but you can read and watch English ones.

Our weblog is http://creation-to-eternity.blogspot.com

God Bless,

Shapour.

Lynn Mitchell said...

I stumbled upon your blog and I know I don't actually "know" you, but wow, do I feel a kindred spirit with you. I was knocked off my feet the week before Easter in 1999 and my divorce was finalized in the fall of that year. My spirit cringed when I read your blog post because I could SO RELATE to what you are going through.

You seem to have such a good head on your shoulders. Continue to trust in God. He is a very present help...

I'll be praying for you, and I wanted you to know there indeed is life after divorce and after the kind of shock and betrayal you've experienced. God heals and He will bless your "after divorce" life abundantly.

Hang in there.

Thewomanhoodcause said...

Hello,

I read this story, and apparently the Lord needed me to read this right now in my life. My husband and I have been married 5 years now, and we're very committed to our marriage, but we've had lots of other things bring stress, worry, and doubt into our family and marriage...we're about to move for the 12th time in 5 years...anyways this brought me much comfort, thank you so much.

I would love to have share your inspirational story with my readers on my blog if you feel inclined. I focus on writing about all women everywhere, and how to encourage, and uplift, even when they're going through tough times. You have helped me and would love for you to help others too.
Please let me know
Thanks Wom Cau thewomanhoodcause@gmail.com
http://thewomanhoodcause.blogspot.com/

mamas*little*treasures said...

Nicole! Thank you for stopping by my blog yesterday for In Other Words . . . . that brought me here, which I've wanted to do for quite a while as I "followed" your journey on FB but did not understand everything (of course!) and feeling that I shouldn't intrude since we don't "know" each other. Now . . . . .
Your story is the story of many Christian women all across our country, and yet we feel we cannot "talk about IT" - and I know that if we will just be honest that God will use our heartache to bring inspiration and hope to other women who find themselves in this situation.

Can we talk sometime? I am in contact with a publishing agent from Thomas Nelson to put my story together, but what I have been praying about is that God would give me the opportunity to share the stories of other Christian women who have gone through this tragic situation. Let me know if you are ready to talk and we'll figure something out.

Congratulations on your new relationship - our situation was similar in that we connected very shortly after the "crash" and I believe that my sweet husband was truly a gift from God to give me the safety that I needed to escape from the situation in which I found myself.

OK enough for now ;o) just had to pop in to let you know how much I appreciate your honesty and your courage to put it right out there where God can use it to bring healing to other broken hearts. Big hugs and love, Nina @ mamas*little*treasures and Ruby for Women

PS won't you join us in the Ruby for Women community? There are lots of women there who also need to hear your story. Think about it! www.rubyforwomen.ning.com