Walking Down Those Streets Made of Gold

♪♪Showing off her brand spanking new wings and her barbed wire halo♪♪

Amberlyn and I first met at an Aaron Watson concert at John T. Floore's in Helotes, TX...just outside of San Antionio. We'd been online friends for a while, but that was the first time we'd met in person. It was around the end of November, beginning of December a few years ago. From that moment on a fast friendship was forged.

In the Spring of the next year I invited her to go on a tubing trip with my group of friends and she was so worried about if everyone would like her or think her the “strange girl” for having a feeding tube in her stomach that showed in her two piece. She needn’t have worried. She was an angel then as she is now. Everyone loved her and she quickly became a central part of our group of friends. We rallied around her and worked at benefits for her and donated time and money to her charity, Amber’s Angels.

It was so very hard in the fall of 2009 when she was put into a coma and the prognosis was grim for her receiving a pair of lungs due to her condition, even though she was at the top of the national transplant list. It was a razor’s edge that she balanced on, separating the viable from the unviable. Miraculously, no less or more than 24 hours before she would have been taken off the transplant list, and deemed no longer a candidate, the call came in. Amberlyn had a set of lungs.

Sometimes God’s answer is “yes”.

We rejoiced with her. We prayed for her. We loved her. We supported and encouraged her. Amberlyn had a new lease on life. There were several things that she would no longer be able to do, such as go out to the rodeo to listen to her favorite musicians. Horses apparently carry something that can be fatal to lung transplant patients. She could no longer go to concerts where anyone smoked indoors, such as in San Antonio, where there isn’t an indoor smoking ban. But she was happy to be alive and determined to make the best of it. She did so much for her little angels in the hospitals. She made sure to get the awareness about Cystic Fibrosis out there.

She was a champion and a fighter.

I remember the last time we were out together, at Salt Lick for BBQ and then out to dance after. She was laughing, full of life and joy and the world was open to her. This was in July. In August she started having problems again with her lungs and was in and out of the hospitals from then on out.

A couple of months ago we had a conversation about how she wanted to go to Floore’s again to see Aaron on November 26. A group of us were going to go and she was excited about the possibility of going...if her lungs would cooperate. It was going to be a fun time and a good remembrance of how our friendship started out. And she was really looking forward to meeting someone very special to me who was going to be there.

Sometimes God’s answer is “no”.

Amberlyn left us this morning at 8 AM. My heart is broken. She was more like a little sister to me than just a friend. But she is free to fly and soar now as she never was able to here on earth.

November 26 is going to be very hard for me. We are still going to the concert. The person she wanted to meet will still be there. I will have Amberlyn there with me in my heart and will be wishing that she were able to be there as we had planned and hoped she would be able to be. I’ve asked Aaron to play a song for her at the concert. It will be a bittersweet memory to be made this year. I’m not sure how we women, who were very close to her, will handle a couple of songs that Aaron sings that will undoubtedly remind us of Amberlyn and have us wish more than ever that she were with us. I must remember to bring tissues along. It's not going to be a pretty sight, I'm sure.

Amberlyn fought long and hard...now she is at rest. She is loved and missed terribly already and it will be a day of rejoicing and celebration when we meet again, for we know...death is not the end.

Godspeed, my lovely friend...until the next time we meet. I love you, my dear friend.

"Fly"

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

~ Celine Dion

Hearts Are Breaking Across Texas Tonight

My very dear friend, Amberlyn Fett, has been facing an uphill battle, but we know Who holds the future. She is my beautiful friend, young and old at the age of 22. Full of life, but also has gone through so much in her short life. You see, Amberlyn has Cystic Fibrosis and saw far too many others with the same disease lose their battle with it at far younger ages. She is the recipient of a double lung transfer two years ago. Things were going great for her. New lease on life and all that.

Three months ago her lungs started showing signs of rejection. Just little spots here and there of infection. Intensive antibiotic therapy and meds and all sorts of stuff couldn’t take it away. But at least it didn’t get worse...then. Spending most of her time in the hospital the last three months was not where she wanted to be.

Last Thursday they let her out of the hospital and she was able to come home. Things were looking up, but then on Sunday she was rushed back into the hospital and put in ICU...unconscious. Her new, precious lungs had had enough and full rejection set in. Sadly she is not a candidate for another transplant due to the infection in her lungs that come from nowhere and didn’t respond to the meds and antibiotic therapies that they put her through.

They were going to take her off the ventilator this morning. We’ve not heard any word since then. A large group of us stopped and prayed wherever we were at 9 this morning for her, for her family and for her doctors. Patience is not my virtue. The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. We're not sure if no news is good news and God has blessed her with a miracle or if no news means that our worst fears have come true and that they're just trying to cope with everything right now. I’ve been battling tears off and on this gorgeous day.

What really hurts is that she was hoping to go to the same concert I am going to next week Saturday. The concert of a mutual friend, same place where we met a few years ago and our friendship was born. Now, knowing that, unless God bestows a miracle to her, she will never have that chance again, it breaks my heart and each time I think about it, I start to tear up.

She has been such a fighter. So strong. So giving to the kids in her charity, Amber’s Angels.

We KNOW that God’s will is always done. We’ve been praying for a miracle for Amberlyn. We’ve also been praying that whatever God’s answer is for our prayers, that we are given the grace and the wisdom to accept the answer if it is “no” or “not yet”. Being only human we can’t help but be selfish and want her to stay with us, but the knowledge that the opposite means that she is finally at peace, out of pain, with no more struggles to breathe and in the full Glory of God helps to temper that pain that we feel and the possibility of her loss. The knowledge that death is not the end and we WILL see her again also gives a measure of comfort and peace. But we still can’t help but plead for that miracle.

You can learn more about what she’s been through by watching this video on her benefit site, My Breath of Life.


With all that is going on, it really brings home how fragile and fleeting life is. How we should never take the time we have with others for granted and how we should let those that we love know how much they matter to us. You never know when the last kiss, the last hug, the last "I love you" or the last laugh together will be. Never let the last words you say to someone you love be in anger. Those may be the last words you ever get to say to them. Always let those who are in your heart know that you love them. The most regrettable words are those that are left unspoken and never get a chance to be said.

Thinking about everything she is going through right now and what she has gone through, I got an idea for a song and in about 5 minutes, I had the lyrics to this song, not just for my Amberlyn, but for all of us who are going through the toughest times of their lives. Maybe some day I'll have the music to go with it...but in the meantime, here is Amberlyn's song from me to her and you.

We're praying for you, sweet girl, and we love you!

Hold Me Together

When the road of life
Becomes too much to bear
And I can’t seem to take my next step
When doubts come crashing down
And despair is all around
How I long to know You’re there
So even when I can’t feel You
When the only thing left to do is crumble

Chorus:

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

When all round me there is fear
And all I can feel is scared
When the pain is crushing me
When the future is unclear
And I don’t know here to turn
That’s when I need You to help me see

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

Though these changes in life are not what I had planned
I can know You are there
And I hold out my hand
To steady myself
In Your gentle embrace
To trust You once more
With the test of all I face

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

Just hold me together