In Other Words for November 30

This week's quote:
"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way”.
~ C.S. Lewis
Which one are you?

Honestly, I've been both. I've struggled to be the person who says "Thy will be done". I WANT to be that person. I yearn to be able to just turn everything over to God without hesitation or reservation, without conditions or stipulations.

In reality I find myself saying, "Ok, God, but only if..." or "Thy will be done, Lord, as long as it's..." and I've clung so tightly to the problem I've been trying to hand over to God, like a kid with a piece of candy that's fallen in the dirt, but they still don't want to give it up. How pleasing is that to God? It's like I'm telling Him, "Ok, God, I'm going to let You have this...welllll, maybe not...ummmm, I know I can't handle this on my own and I need Your help, but I don't trust You to do what's best for me – or at least what I think is best for me."

I have to laugh at that! Not trusting God to give us what WE think is best for us...how arrogant and ungrateful is that? God wants nothing more than to give us THE best – HIS best, but we so often spit in His eye and turn our backs like a petulant little child, so He often gives us what we want at that moment in order to teach us a lesson.

We find out sooner or later that what we thought we wanted is the worst thing for us. It turns out to be like a child getting a bad stomach ache after eating too much candy. We wail and moan and cry out in agony, "WHY did You let this happen, God?" and then we're reminded that it's because it's what WE wanted, and suddenly what WE wanted isn't so sweet any more. Often times, God gives us what we WANT in order to see that it's nowhere near what we need.

God teaches us through our hubris and folly and selfish desires that what WE want is not always what is best for us, especially if it falls outside of the realm of God's blessings and the path that God has set before us. Stray just a little and get caught in the powerful snares, brambles and sticker patches of the not so pleasant aspects of the world. You think that you can find something else outside of God to fulfill you and that just isn't the case. It's far from the case, in fact. You usually end up hollow, empty, looking for purpose and meaning and wondering where the life is that you wanted and how you can feel successful, be successful, have everything you thought you wanted and still end up being the most unfulfilled you have ever been.

I've been on the receiving end of "All right, then, have it your way" far too often and I found out that I don't like to be there. It's never what I thought it would be, kind of a letdown really. A major letdown.

So why go looking for a "letdown" when you can have everything amazing that God wants to give to you?

All you have to do is just say "Thy will be done" to God and MEAN it! No half measures. No "ifs, ands or buts" when it comes to God. Just let go...and let God take care of it all.

Thy will be done, Lord...

I'm trying...

I still have a ways to go, but I'm working hard to get there.

THY will, Lord...NOT my will...

To view other perspectives on this In Other Words quote, please visit our hostess this week Esthermay @ The Heart of a Pastor's Wife.

There is no ME in Christmas

Many, many years ago, back when I was young, single and, I admit it, a little full of myself, I remember my mom asking me to go to the grocery store to get some last minute food items on Christmas Eve, before we left to go to our church's candlelight service and before the store closed. Since the store was just a few blocks away, I said, "Sure, I'd be happy to".

When I was in the store, I saw a sign that said "Full Whole Chicken Meal: Whole roasted chicken, choice of 3 quart sides & a package of rolls - $4.99!" Wow! What a deal. Too bad, I didn't know anyone or have the need myself for that because that store had some really yummy stuff in their deli section. No, best just get that stuff mom wanted and go back to her house.

Well I stopped at the stop light and wouldn't you know it, right there on the median, next to the grocery store, was a very popular place for panhandlers. You know, the people we all tend to avoid for the most part. Standing there that late afternoon were two men in worn winter wear, grubby, unshaven, kind of standing together to keep warm against the wind. In Central Texas it doesn't often get COLD-cold, but I remember that this Christmas Eve it was nippy and the wind had a strong bite to it, as well as being quite strong and gusty. There were absolutely zero other cars around that particular afternoon. I had also been the only person in the grocery store – aside from the workers. It was just me and those panhandlers there at the light.

I can still remember the face of the man who caught my eye and he offered me a genuine, if somewhat shamed, smile. His dirty blonde hair ruffled in the breeze under a well worn knit cap. His fingers looked stiff and cold as he held a small sign against the battering of the wind.

The light turned green and I drove off, on my way to drop the requested food off at my mom's. For some reason I just couldn't get those two men off my mind. I looked at the clock at my mom's and only a few minutes had passed, a few minutes closer to when the grocery store closed and when we had to leave to go to the candlelight service. I had an ever increasing NEED to go back to the store and get them that meal. Really, cost of the meal and a couple of drinks to go with it were negligible compared to the urgency I had burning inside of me to provide a meal for those men.

I told my mom what I felt I needed to do and with her blessing to go ahead, I rushed back those few blocks to the store. The men were still there when I drove by. I hurried to the deli area and said, "I'll take one of the Chicken Meals, please". I got the meal with the sides, plus a couple of bottled cokes for them to drink.

I walked out of the store, feeling so full of warmth and happiness to be doing this – a first for sure – that I felt like I might burst from the inside out. As I drove up to that street corner, that bubble of good feelings deflated. They were no longer there. In the few minutes I was in the store, they had left. It was now 5:55.

I wanted to cry. The feeling of utter sadness and disappointment washed over me and I sat there through a green light, still the only car on the road, wondering what to do now. I had to get back to my mom's but I HAD to find those men!

So I slowly canvassed the cross roads and after a few minutes of increasing sadness from failing to find those men, I came upon a partially sheltered bus stop, just about 100 feet from the original median spot where the men had been standing. There were two men sitting there, huddled against the increased gusts of chilly wind.

I stopped right there in the middle of the street and rolled down my passenger window and asked them if they were the men that had been standing there at the median. The blonde man walked over and said, "Yes, ma'am, we were standing there". I breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, "I have been looking all over for y'all!" and handed over the bag with the food and drinks.

"Here, these are for y'all. I just really felt a need to get this for y'all...oh shoot! I'm so sorry, I forgot forks and stuff for y'all to eat with!" I started tearing up and the man smiled and said, "Well, that's ok, ma'am, we're used to not having things like that to eat with. We really thank you for thinking of us and giving this to us. Really, thank you, ma'am."

He and the smaller, brunette man attacked the chicken with gusto and then, mid bite, the smaller man looked up at me and nodded his head and offered a shy smile. I told them that I hoped that they did have a Merry Christmas and the blonde man paused and said, "Ma'am, this is the only Christmas we're getting this year, thanks to you. This is our Christmas."

I nodded and smiled and drove away before the tears spilled over and down my face. I couldn't contain them as I cried in my car back to my mom's and sat in the driveway, trying to compose myself before going inside.

Here was I, a bit spoiled for a middle class young adult, truly realizing with crystal clarity that there was MORE to life out there than what I want and what's important in MY world. Oh, I wasn't a selfish person, just one who was more secure in making sure my own needs and wants were fulfilled, and I had been brought to my proverbial knees with emotion over helping someone less fortunate than me. I felt so small and insignificant in light of the magnitude of doing for others and giving these men the only Christmas they were going to have that year.

I never saw them again at that corner, but every single Christmas they are at the forefront of my memory of the heaviness and sadness at realizing the hardship of the life of others and the fullness and joy of how it felt to think of others before myself and provide for them and I have tried to live that giving experience ever since.

That truly was the most moving Christmas experience I've ever had, all thanks to two homeless men on a median in the middle of the street on Christmas Eve.

After all, it really isn't about me, especially at Christmas time.

The birthday of a miraculous angel baby...

I never imagined I would be a mother again. It was always my dream to have a house full of children and I was going to be the "perfect" mother. My life as a mother was going to be like a Disney movie! Everyone happy, birds singing, daily activities, etc. were going to be scheduled perfectly and life was going to be just GRAND!

Oh, how vastly different life actually is!

After my beautiful Emily was born 9 years ago, I was told that the chances of me getting pregnant again would be the equivalent of lightening striking twice or winning the lottery. I was told that she was a miracle child who I shouldn't have been able to get pregnant with in the first place. So I lived for 8 years with the knowledge that she would be the only child of mine grown in and born from my body.

Imagine my surprise when, March 27 of 2009, I took a test and H-E-L-L-O-O-O-O-O pregnancy! I never could have imagined that at the age of 35 I would have gotten pregnant again. Nathaniel's pregnancy was rough as far as my health was concerned. Diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension and, shockingly enough, a previously undiagnosed Type 2 diabetes that I had to take insulin for during the pregnancy...not to mention there was a real chance of miscarriage those first 3 months b/c I didn't have enough progesterone to sustain the pregnancy and had to go on progesterone supplements and experienced several bouts of spotting and bleeding during those first touch and go months. But through it all, we prayed for that little, yet to be born baby. We prayed for that miracle and loved that tiny little life growing inside of me with all of our hearts.

Nate was born about 3½ weeks "early" at 8 pounds, 10 oz and 20" long at 12:11 in the morning on November 19. His birth was no less traumatic than my pregnancy.

When one is pregnant there are so many hopes and dreams and visions of the future that enters into your mind for that child. I had longed for a son and now we were going to have one. I went into labor early and after two days of labor they went ahead and put me in the hospital due to high blood pressure, he hadn't turned the direction they neeed him to yet (from front to back or back to front, I can't remember) and he wasn't descending with the contractions like he was supposed to so the option of a c-section was still on the table, which I did NOT want. Finally close to the end of the third day of labor he turned and they gave me the lovely epidural then they broke my water. Six hours later, starting my fourth day of labor, I was at 10cm and then he came fast. Thank God he did with what happened next.

My contractions had slowed to 2-3 minutes apart once he started to come down and I only pushed a total of about 15 or so times. About 3 different "sets" of pushing. After only 10 minutes of pushing he was "right there" but not out and the last contraction just wouldn't stop coming. My OB told me that with a small snip he would be here on the next push so I said ok.

Through the noise I heard something about the cord being wrapped around his neck and they couldn't get him all the way out without cutting it first. He was only out about to his chest at this time. After cutting the cord, they got him out and I looked up and he was bluisn-purple. Limp. Ragdoll-like. Not breathing. Not moving. Nothing they tried could revive him. Not chest rubs. Not oxygen. Not anything. My heart skipped a beat. Then another. It was like time had stopped and with it, my world.

And all I could think of was seeing him flop around. That horrible, ugly color of death and completely unresponsive. All I could do was mentally stutter out a half formed prayer of "Please, God, please". To have come so far and through so much with this child, it just wasn't fair to have it end this way. The room was crowded with my OB, the nurses and several people from NICU. Oscar couldn't handle it and had to go out into the anteroom of my hospital room because he couldn't bear to see Nate like that and he was only getting in the NICU team's way.

It seemed like forever, but in reality maybe only about 4-5 minutes and then I heard the precious sound of Nathaniel's weak cry which grew to a steady howl and I could breathe again. The pain and pressure in my chest lifted and the panic went away and peace came in. Such a flood of love and joy and relief as I held my son and heard his breathing. I thought of what could have happened had I opted to wait until the next set of contractions to try and get him out. How much longer he would have been without breathing. How incredibly thankful I am that my OB suggested the episiotomy that got him out in one last push - and that I completely trusted her judgment to do that.

I think it's why those first couple of weeks I couldn't put him down or be away from him for more than just a couple of minutes. I think that it made me realize just in the span of a heartbeat it could have all gone so much differently. I could have had empty arms instead of arms that were holding my second miracle child. I couldn't stop crying the afternoon the 3rd day after Nathaniel's birth as a wave of panic swept over me. Traditionally the 3rd day after death is the burial day after someone dies. Holding Nathaniel instead of standing at a tiny graveside made me realize how very blessed and lucky I was, how much God had graced me with Nate's life. How much I owe that I can't repay. I can never ever take his precious life for granted b/c I almost didn't have him to begin with.

Sadly, a few months later, I did miscarry a third child – on Mother's Day. It made me that much more appreciative and thankful for the life of my son, my little angel baby. The second life I wasn't supposed to have been able to get pregnant with. The infinitely precious life that I thank God every day for and who is a miraculous ONE YEAR OLD today!

Nathaniel, my precious and much loved child...your name was chosen by us because you ARE a gift from God. You make our lives richer and better and more blessed by being in them. My prayer for you as you grow from a toddler to adulthood is that you grow in the grace and admonition of the Lord, the one who knitted and formed you in my body; that you grow to love Him completely and follow the path He has laid out for your life and that you look to Him to help you with your problems instead of the world...for GREATER is HE that is in YOU than he that is in the world. I pray that you come to know him as your Savior at an early age and that you have the characteristics of wisdom, compassion, understanding, self-control, respect for yourself and for others, a peaceful spirit, a generous and loving heart and the strength to stand up for what is right to protect the innocent and those weaker than you and to always have a kind word and a smile for others.

Nate, you are my angel baby. Delivered from death into the loving arms of your mommy, daddy and family by a compassionate and loving God. I thank God every day for you. You were created for great and wonderful things...beautiful things...things of God.

Mommy loves you, little man. May you always feel the love we have for you and know that you are blessed as much as you are a blessing.

Happy First Birthday!

With all the love in my heart,

Mommy!

Nathaniel Lawrence Kelso
November 19, 2009
Your birth:










One Year Later:

Nathaniel Lawrence Kelso
November 19, 2010

When the blessings are stressing me out...

Have you ever had one of "those" days? I mean one of THOSE days where it seems almost everything is going wrong. Where all the drivers out there are being jerks and you barely avoid multiple accidents. Where you're really feeling under the weather but know that you're not sick enough to go home, and besides there's tons of stuff to do at work. Where you're the one doing everything around the house AND dealing with sick and/or cranky kids AND dealing with not having enough money to pay the bills b/c you're operating on one paycheck for several weeks or months instead of two AND dealing with not having a few spare moments to yourself, unless it's right before bed it seems, AND dealing with feeling like you're on the verge of an emotional and/or mental breakdown b/c you're overly stressed with seeing no end in sight to the messes that keep piling up from everyone else not picking up their stuff and you just want to throw in the towel and say, "I QUIT!" (At least for the night)



I'm right there with ya. There are days I feel too stressed to feel blessed. That's my own little rendition of the cutesy little quote "Too blessed to be stressed". 'Cause I tell ya, that's so not the truth. There are days when you are too stressed to feel the blessings in your life and it's ok. You are, after all, "only human". As much as you try and be "SuperMom" and "SuperSpouse", there are days when you just feel like a super grump. It happens. More often than we'd like to admit. Especially to those moms/wives, like me, who work a full time job and then come home to another full time job.

There are times where I want to know where my "Easy Button" is!!! Chianti? Calgon? Margarita? Massage? Anything? Somebody? Hello? Hello-o-o-o-o?


In search of:


It's tough some days. Often, a lot tougher than we want it to be. As stressed as I get and some days as much as I am unable to FEEL the blessings God has graced me with, I still know they are there and I am thankful b/c I know it could be so much worse.

My family is alive and well, relatively speaking. I don't know what I would do if Emily or Nate were taken from me and I could no longer hold them and love on them. They are my life! I don't know what I would do if Oscar were not there to give me the peace and comfort I receive from just being next to him. I don't know what I would do if my mom were not there to be such a bastion of support for me. I don't know what I would do were I not sure of where I am going when I die.

All of those, except the last one, are also huge stressors for me, but as much as they can stress me, they also bless me.

For as much as Emily can stress me with her 9 going on 16 attitude lately, for as much as Nate exhibiting a pretty strong temper and independence already, for as much as Oscar doesn't pick up his stuff and leaves trash just laying there instead of throwing it away, for as much as my mom and I can disagree about something to the point we're almost yelling at each other...the blessings I receive from them far outweigh the stresses.

Emily has such a desire to help and such a tender heart and still is very much a cuddle bug. I crave her sweetness, her hugs and her desire to just spend time with me. Whether it's watching a movie, or reading or knitting, that time spent together is so precious to me.

Nate is learning so much, so quickly, and yet he gives the sweetest smiles and kisses and has such an enthusiastic desire to get a "Yayyyyy, Nate!" It makes my heart swell when he looks at me in a room full of people and practically yells out "MY ma-ma!" and crawls over to me as fast as he can and then stretches his arms up to me to be picked up and then lays his little head on my shoulder and pats me with his hands and says, "I you" (I love you).

Oscar loves me and puts up with my little quirks and stress outlets and that means so much.

My mom, well, I don't know what I would do without my mom in my life. She is my voice of reason, my anchor, the first person I tell a lot of stuff to in order to get a better perspective on what's going on. She IS among my biggest blessings b/c she is also one of my very best friends. She sees me for who I am and loves me anyway. LOL! Many is the time she has "talked me down" from the ledge.

So even though some of my biggest stressors in my life are my family, they are also my biggest blessings and I wouldn't trade them for all of the stress-free moments in the world.

Though I still would like access to an "Easy Button" for the messes in the house. Can anyone help a sister out? Anyone? Hello? Hello-o-o-o-o?

Veteran's Day 2010

Thank You!

This Veteran's Day, we honor those who have so bravely served this country.

America is founded on the principle of freedom, justice, and liberty for all. Our nation's soldiers serve every day to protect our country and its ideals.

On Veteran's Day, take a sacred moment to remember the those who sacrifice their lives ev...ery moment to achieve peace and democracy. Let us remember the service of our veterans, and let us renew our national promise to fulfill our sacred obligations to our veterans and their families who have sacrificed so much so that we can live free.

"America's veterans have served their country with the belief that democracy and freedom are ideals to be upheld around the world." - John Doolittle

Simply put...thank you... ♥

HAPPY NOVEMBER 2010!

Well, October went out with a bang and November flew in with a "BUSY!"

I'm not a fan of trick or treating. I never really have been, though there were a couple years in my mid-20's that I got into it, but nothing really before or after that. I'm NOT a fan of being scared and I have a hard time celebrating something that I don't believe in celebrating. Emily got to trick or treat at school on Thursday, both the girls got to go to Em's school carnival on Friday and then there was the really cool church Fall Festival on Saturday – complete with bounce houses/moonwalks, games, pony rides and hay rides around the massive parking lot on a John Deere tractor!

I was relieved when Emily approached me after school on Friday and begged me to do a family movie night instead of trick or treating on Halloween and I jumped on that opportunity. So, I got a mixed bag of candy that everyone liked (not just mommy – LOL!), just in case they were going through candy withdrawals (I should have known better b/c it was barely touched) and on Sunday I made my totally yummy and easy homemade caramel dip with toffee nut topping and sliced Honeycrisp apples thin and we got in our PJ's and cuddled up on the couches to watch Beetlejuice, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Hocus Pocus and eat those apples with the dip and topping and drink hot chocolate.

The kids enjoyed Beetlejuice, laughed like crazy at Charlie Brown and Em's favorite line is now "Amok, amok, amok, amok...uhhhhh" from Hocus Pocus. Hahahaha! Several times both Patty and Em commented how much better this was than trick or treating and Em remarked at one point, "This is way better than walking around, going house to house and doing the whole, 'ding dong, trick or treat, next house...ding dong, trick or treat, next house...ding dong, trick or treat, next house...'" I've always thought that trick or treating is a lot like being a door to door salesman or Jehovah's Witness or something like that. LOL! Both of the girls said that they wanted to do the same thing next year with the family instead of trick or treating. I could definitely do that!

So, here are some pictures of my kids all dressed up for Friday and Saturday. Despite the lack of smile in the first picture (she didn't put on her wings for it), Patty liked her costume but admitted afterward that she was too cold in it, even with a sweater over it, and getting a picture of a non-blurry Nate was difficult b/c that little bugger moves EVERYWHERE! Thankfully I got lucky on a couple of them. I just need to find my regular camera instead of relying on my phone camera – which has vastly reduced reaction/capture times, even though it's an 8MP camera.

Patty as an Autumn fairy (without the wings):


Em and Nate as a UT cheerleader and Astronaut Commander Nathaniel Kelso (too cute!!!):


Nate being adorable:


Emily and Patty diving for gummy worms in plates full of whipped cream:


Nate started a new classroom today. He's with the "big kids" now (12-18 months) and is a total little social butterfly. Imagine that! LOL! Patty started off her day in the office b/c they needed updated immunization records before she could go to class and Em took her starter earrings out for the first time (which was a little traumatic b/c of the tightness of the earring back on the earring and the deep groove in the earring post) and switched them out for normal earrings. Everyone made it to where they needed to be on time though – including me! I was actually even a couple minutes early to work. PHEW!

Nate turns ONE YEAR OLD in just a short 18 days! I can't believe how fast time has gone by since he was born! Life certainly has changed with him in it! He is such a precious, rambunctious little one and he is ALL BOY! My little man is in to EVERYTHING! So different from Emily when she was a baby! Nate is all about open and close, crawl here, pull up there, scream with happiness and cry with anything that comes near his nose or medicine and he loves to hug when he's tired and gives GREAT BIG KISSES on shoulders. Four or five in a row sometimes. He'll press his little open mouth to your shirt and then go "WAH!" as he's giving the "kiss" and then lift his head up and then do it all over again. It really is the cutest thing! And he "sings" with me when I sing him to sleep.

Nate has a rather extensive vocabulary now for his age. He says:

• Hi
• Hey
• Boo
• MY ma-ma when he sees me and crawls to me to be picked up (along with ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma, which I'm sure is the precursor to "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy... ")
• MY beh-puh and crawls to her (What we call my mom instead of grandma: Beppe)
• Oops
• Da-da (Oscar got that one finally the day after his birthday – LOL!)
• "Nigh-Nigh" and "I nigh-nigh" (Night-night) and he'll point to the light when it's bed time or when he's tired and rubbing his eyes. Just the cutest thing! He KNOWS what it means. My baby is so smart!
• Nay-Nay (we THINK he's saying Nate-Nate)
• We have gotten "I wa" when he wants something and will reach for it so we figure that's "I want", especially when he is demanding about it. LOL!
• And we have gotten "I you" with a hug a couple of times so we think he's trying to say, "I love you" but it comes out as "I you".

My two precious miracle babies!



I was never supposed to be able to get pregnant with either one, so they're just such immense and amazing blessings, words can't even describe!

So, we're looking forward to heading to Midland for Thanksgiving! I love my in-laws! I've said it before and I'll say it again, they are just the best in-laws to have! Oscar's dad and step-mom and mom and step-dad are all so great and wonderful and I am looking forward to going to see them. I wish we were able to live closer to them, but as much as I love them, I do not want to live in Midland or Odessa. LOL!

I'm so glad that October is over and November is here! It's getting closer to the BEST part of the year where family and friends get together and there's much good food and good laughter to be had. This year, instead of buying tons of gifts for the kids that they barely even play with – seriously, ¾ of the "stuff" we got them last year that they "wanted" are just sitting there, we will be buying 3 gifts each for the girls, representing the 3 gifts of the Magi – one of my friends suggested that (Emily is getting an acoustic guitar as one of the gifts) and some learning toys for Nate and then pooling our money for a BIG family gift that we can all enjoy. I'd say a higher end karaoke machine, but Oscar would veto that so fast that I wouldn't even get the word out of my mouth. LOL! So, I'm thinking something for outside like a huge outdoor fire pit, outdoor beverage cooler and seating for around the pit that we could use year round – seeing as how we barely get a winter here. I think that would be fun! I don't know though. We'll have to discuss it.

I just think that Thanksgiving and Christmas has become so commercial. I think we will also end up volunteering, maybe at a homeless shelter or something, to teach the lesson that life is about what we do for others, not what we do for ourselves or what others do for us. Definitely also have family nights where we make ornaments for the tree and bake goodies and watch classic Christmas movies (A Christmas Story(!), It's a Wonderful Life, Frosty, Rudolph, Miracle on 34th Street, etc.), listen to Christmas music and focus on what this season of the year is REALLY about. HINT: Jesus is the REASON for the season. Just times where we grow together as a family instead of letting the stresses of the commercial aspect of this time of year get to us; talking and slowing down and enjoying being a family instead of running around in the rat maze of shopping and "BUY THIS...GET THAT...ONLY 40/30/12/5 MORE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS...SALE, SALE, SALE!!!...STUFF WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER". Ugh! Just reading that makes my blood pressure start to go up!

Like the song "Luckenbach" says, "Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of life..."

What are the basics in your life that you need to get back to?
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P.S. Your prayers are requested as Oscar is having a procedure on his back tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. Central Time to where they are going to put him under general anesthesia and give him a spinal block and then stick needles into his back to shoot radio waves toward the nerves they think are causing him the problems he's been dealing with. After 2 inconclusive MRI's and extensive doctor's visits, they think they've figured out that certain nerves have gotten "caught" in the joints between the vertebrae in his lower spine and they're getting pinched whenever he moves a certain way, causing him the pain that can literally drop him to his knees at times. They're hoping to "kill" those nerves with the radio waves and they also might be moving the nerves out from those joints with some really long needles they slide into his spinal area. They are hoping that this causes the problems with his back to be completely over and done with so that he can go back to work and go back to living a normal life without excruciating pain.

One thing is for sure, this has certainly taught us to trust in God and His provisions for our lives. Without the faith that we share, neither one of us would be able to get through this past year plus of everything we've been though without feeling hopeless and desperate and just unable to see anything positive about this. But God uses ALL things for good for those who love Him and it has only served to increase our faith in God and learn that God knows what is best for us, even when we can't see it. There is a good measure of peace in the middle of this stress and it's a peace that truly does pass all understanding.