Farewell Angel

Last night was a particularly wonderful and beautiful night. Bittersweet in the reasoning behind it. As you may have read, my dear friend Amberlyn passed away back in November. FULL of life, full of love, full of spirit and goodness and generosity. She was one of a kind, my Amberlyn.

Amberlyn left behind a legacy of love, of caring for others more than herself. Last night was her memorial/benefit concert to help out her family and her special charity, Amber's Angels, which is for kids in Dell Children's and one other hospital in San Antonio who are stuck in the hospitals at Christmas. She personally touched all the musicians who were there last night. And there were some SUPER big names! If you know Texas Country, you'll recognize the following:

Granger Smith
Curtis Grimes
Ryan Beaver
Bart Crow
Ray Wylie Hubbard
Casey Donahew
Wade Bowen
Brandon Rhyder
Josh Abbott
Cory Morrow
Roger Creager
Randy Rogers

...and many more!

4 sets of 4 musicians for each set (and associated fiddle players, etc.) for an unprecedented acoustic show. Each played 4 songs in their respective sets. And it was PACKED!

Amberlyn always wanted a party when she left this world and, trust me, though this party in honor of her memory was STELLAR, I guarantee you that it is NOTHING compared to the party that Heaven threw when she was called home.

Oh, my sweet Amberlyn. I miss you and I love you. And I rejoice, not only because you no longer struggle daily to breathe, but because I KNOW that I will see you again on the other side.

One of the things that was really driven home to me last night at my Amberlyn's concert is that we never truly know how much time we have left on this earth. Don't save things for "someday" b/c that day might never come. Don't ever pass up a chance to tell those important to you that you love them and let them know how important they are in your life. Never turn down a hug or kiss or a chance to hold hands with those who matter most b/c you don't know if that will be the last time. Live LIFE without hesitation! Laugh freely...love completely. What last memory do you want to have of others...what last memory do you want them to have of you? Let it be one of love. ♥

I will post more pictures as I have them, but for now, here are a few...

These first 2 pics are of us in the beautiful shirts that my amazing, thoughtful and caring sisterfriend, Leigh, had made for us...

Back Row: Jordan, MJ, Leigh, Colleen, Me
Front Row: Misty, Christy, Taryn and Jen




Me and the beautiful Samantha:


A little later in the night:

Back Row: Colleen, Leigh, Jordan, Jen, Taryn, Me
Front Row: Misty (LOL!)


Back Row: Jordan, MJ, Leigh, Christy, Me, Colleen and Jen
Front Row: Misty, Amberlyn's sweet and lovely mom (Debbie) and Taryn

God's 10%

Have you ever thought, I mean REALLY thought, about the 10% thing? Not just in a financial sense, but in a sense of our daily lives?

There are 24 hours in a day. 10% of that is 2.4 hours, but how many of us actually spend 2.4 hours out of the day with God? Kind of a difficult concept to imagine with our busy lives full of activities, work, family...especially if you have kids who have homework, participate in after-school activities, such a sports, etc. Then, speaking from a mother's POV, there's the dinners to get ready, the baths/showers to supervise, the clothes/dishes to wash, house to clean/pick up, the preparation of everything for everyone for the next day...and that's just for everyone else, not to mention the things you need to do for yourself, especially if you work! And what if you're a single mother like me with an emotionally charged pre-pubescent tween girl and a son who is in his adorable, yet terrible, twos?

Where in the world are we supposed to find the 10% out of our day for God?

This is a question that I wrestle with. I believe in applying that 10% to my life, but how? Sleep is at a premium as it is and lately, with the allergies being in FULL force, it's a struggle to get out of bed on a daily basis, get everyone up and ready and out the door and I can't even fathom waking up an hour or two earlier to squeeze more time in with God than the sad little amount I already spend on Him.

Not to mention, now that Dave has moved here and we're getting used to actually NOT having a long distance relationship for the first time in 19 years, I'm kind of loathe to kick him out of the house early or to leave his place early on the nights my mom is generous enough to watch the kids so that he and I can spend a couple of hours together after I get the kids fed. Granted, I'm home by 10 or shortly after that and the kids love being around him when he's at the house or I bring them over to his apartment for a few hours on the weekend, etc., but it seems like there's just so much going on right now.

And what does one do in that 10% of the day? How do I fill that time? It's an awful long time for prayer. While I love to read, I can't see reading the Bible for that long each day, and what happens when I've read through the Bible? What then?

So here's my sort of solution...

I am going to start doing devotionals such as the "Power of a Praying..." series by Stormie Omartian. Those are very thought provoking and sometimes difficult devotionals, but ones that are eternally worth it as it teaches me HOW to pray for others, especially my children and my (potential) future spouse. In them I have also gotten the workbooks and prayer books and have started a journal to put the insights that God has given me while answering the questions or reading the chapters. I'm hoping to be able to go back when I am done with the series of different books and see how I've grown or changed from where I first started from in them.

I am also determined to read through the Bible, front to back, for the first time ever this year. I say I'm going to do it every year, and every year...I don't. I can spend the time I would normally spend at the end of a long day, in my bed, reading the Bible instead of a fiction novel or political book. It may be 5 minutes, it may be 30 minutes. I have no set schedule or time frame or chapter limit per day. Just that I want to get it done THIS year.

Lunch time can be spent reading my devotionals, reading the Bible, praying for whatever burdens God has placed on my heart, whether about my own life or for someone else.

In the grand scheme of things...2.4 hours out of a 24 hour day is such a small slice of the pie to give to God, when we spend so much time on other pursuits. Out of an entire year, that's only 876 hours out of the 8760 hours that we are all given. Small amount. But how much more could your life be enriched spiritually by just giving that 10% to God? How much more could you enrich other's lives from the truths and blessings you receive from that time spent with God?

How much more time do we spend on our own (worldly) leisurely pursuits that have nothing to do with God? Shouldn't He get just as much time, if not much more? What would happen if we pursued our outside interests FOR God instead of apart from God? What would happen if we pursued God with every bit as much interest as we pursue our outside interests? How much would our lives change? How much richer would they be in terms of what really matters?

Just a thought...

Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. Psalm 37:5

Commit yourself and all that you do to the LORD, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

Biblical Motherhood: Week Four/Day Three Who Gains?

(My apologies for being away from this for sooooo long! Life happens, but I will pick up where I left off and continue to post on this as I can. You can read the introduction to this 8 week study here. You can also click the tag at the bottom of this post and all of the Biblical Motherhood posts will be shown to you.)

Who Gains?

Today you may want to ask the Lord to do a special healing in your life! To do that, He must have access to your wound. It will be worth the cost to be close to Him.

"'For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds,' says the Lord,"
Jeremiah 30:17.

At times, as mothers we may wonder if our unrest is caused by our loved ones. We may feel bitterness toward them and not recognize it, or not know what to do with it. While it may be difficult to do so, we will uncover the end of the attitude of resentment in the life of a mother. Her condition may be related to the difficulty of raising children, even toward her husband for not supporting her in the way she would find most helpful. It may be that she has had hardship and feels that the Lord has abandoned her when she most needed Him; she doesn’t think He is predictable enough for her to trust Him. Maybe she sees her role as wife and mother from God as an unfair burden rather than a blessing. Whatever the case, the Word of God seems to slide right off of her heart, and she finds herself taking care of her own needs, or at least trying to, but not making a lot of headway.

We find some of the traits of this old nature described for us in the prophets. In the book of Lamentations, Jeremiah is writing to the people of God who have been afflicted by their own sin, yet they did not heed God’s warnings and finally were invaded and conquered by Babylon.

In Lamentations 2:9 we read of the city’s broken condition. Among the things listed, we find, “...the Law is no more,...” You may recall that as parents, a father is given the privilege by God of leading and teaching the family to know the Lord, and as a mother is a help meet for her husband, she is qualified by God to assist him in the work. This begins at infancy, holding, feeding, bathing and changing diapers, smiling and talking to a little baby, and grows in specifics as a child grows and has different needs. “No, no, honey, that isn’t yours,” is actually the teaching of God’s law of love. Setting the boundaries for a child and enforcing obedience when they cross them is the work of a mother. All the time, the Biblical mother’s goal is to reach their heart in Jesus’ name, and it is done while a child is young by teaching them right from wrong and the pleasure of choosing the right. But in Lamentations, we find that this training is gone from the people of Jerusalem; as it is written, “...the Law is no more,...”

Because of this, in Lamentations 2:12, what do the children ask for and from whom?


From this verse, what is happening to the life of the children?


Please find Matthew 26:26-28, and John 6:51,54. Jesus says that He, indeed, constitutes real nourishment! What is the meaning (in the realm of the spirit) of the nourishment for which the children are crying out?


See Lamentations 4:4, and also John 6:57. What might it mean to “break bread” for the young children?


In Lamentations 2:20, we read, “Should the women eat their offspring, the children they have cuddled?” Lamentations 4:10 says, “The hands of the compassionate women have cooked their own children; they became food for them in the destruction of the daughter of my people.” As their enemies sieged the cities of God’s people, the Israelites were starved to the point of such agony that they did the unthinkable, what they never would have entertained otherwise. These desperate women let their children’s lives be destroyed for their own attempt at survival. They devoured instead of sacrificing themselves, using their children’s lives to gain strength for themselves.

In this time and place, how might a mother’s struggle in her own life cause her to put her survival and well-being ahead of her child?


When we put the demands of this life as priority over giving the knowledge of God to our children, the devourer eats away in the unseen places of our souls. If our reputation means more to us than training up our children, we will be concerned with how we are coming across rather than what the Lord is showing us through them. If we are rushed, we won’t spend the time together, or hear the thoughts of our children in the midst of daily life. Yet it is often through those times together that the Lord would expose the place of hunger in the heart. Are you trusting someone else to give your child the ‘bread and wine’ of the knowledge of Jesus? Who will live His love before them in the daily goings on of this life? Who will teach them of His sacrifice and His resurrection power if you won’t?


And how will your life be healed if you decide to willingly follow society’s dictates and not hear the Lord?


It is never God’s heart to destroy His children, so when you read the prophets you must understand that He allows spiritual bondage in order to cause His own to cry out to Him and look at Him to save them. Fellowship with us is so precious to God that He died to gain it. So take to heart that He longs for His children and will go to great lengths to win us back. Eternal treasure is more valuable in His sight than temporal comfort.

If we will not come to Him, our lives will be tainted by waste, but not because of His lack of effort to turn us from our destructive ways. With this in mind, read Hosea 4:4-6.

A priest was to talk to God about the people; a prophet was to talk to the people from God, and mothers were to teach their children to know the Lord from infancy. What brought destruction into their lives (verse 6)?


Please read Hosea 4:5,6 with 5:7. “Pagan” is also translated “strange” from the original Hebrew. God says that it was the parents who dealt treacherously with Him by bringing up their children to be pagan, strange children. How did that happen? The things that God gave to them they began to use to exalt themselves. Their New Moon festival had been instituted by God Himself as celebration and worship to Him, but when people began to worship the ritual, or even the moon itself, they forfeited the peace and heritage that God would lavish on them. How do you think God feels as He says, “Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children”?


The Lord grieves over those who will not come to Him! He longs for us, and would gather us to Himself to love, protect and heal us!

From Hosea 7:13 we read, “Woe to them, for they have fled from Me! Destruction to them, because they have transgressed against Me! Though I redeemed them, yet they have spoken lies against Me. They did not cry out to Me with their heart when they wailed upon their beds.”

The Lord watches over the responses of the people, and His grief is evident. He says that in fleeing from Him instead of to Him, there will be woe and destruction waiting for them. He says that He has already redeemed them, but they have rejected Him by speaking lies about Him. How does one speak lies against God? This is how: to say that God demands more than we are able to live up to. Living in a way to attempt to “appease an angry God” is a lie against God. It totally ignores the cross and the Way God has made. It looks only to human (self) effort. Often it is the case that the person who accuses God of anger is actually the one who is angry at God.

The “father of lies” is Satan, and he is continually accusing us before God, and he even accuses God before us. Can you identify any lie(s) he has wanted you to believe about God?


Note that the people “wailed upon their beds.” They were grieved and heartsick; they were broken in heart! But they didn’t cry out to God. To cry out to God requires humility, an acknowledgment that one who is needy is coming to The Answer. It is our natural born arrogance that keeps us from telling the truth about, or crying out to, God.

God knows that the eternal end of man is separation from Himself in hell except for the Way that He made Himself. Please also read Hosea 5:15. When you understand the loving heart of God better, these verses become a cry of warning! He is not angry because He’s not getting the attention He wants. He is God who shouts out across the span of all time with His agonizing, victorious cry, “It is finished!” He calls all men, “Come to Me! Come to Me and escape your certain future of destruction! Turn to Me; I will heal you!” Yet He will not force anyone to come.

1 Timothy 2:15 says, “Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.” The words “will be saved” in the Greek is sozo, pronounced “sode’-zo” meaning to save, deliver or protect: heal, preserve, save (self), do well, be (make) whole.”

How can God use your motherhood experience to protect, deliver, and heal you?


Please read Isaiah 48:18 and make note of the benefits of a mother’s obedience to God’s heart to bring up their children to know Him. (Keep in mind that waves are caused by wind, a picture of the Holy Spirit.)

There are promises from the Lord for those who build the walls of their house on the foundation of God’s Word. Please read Isaiah 54:11-14. What does He promise?


Please copy verse 13 here:





Remember that the Lord goes before you (Deuteronomy 31:6)! Wherever you go, He has already been there. He has won the essential battle, but the wage for territory still remains our training ground. This battle is for an area in our soul (life), delivered from the enemy’s purpose to the purpose of our King! We now fight from a position of rest, trust, in His victory.

If you find that you are afraid, decide where to place your trust, and by an act of will, tell Jesus you are giving Him your faith. Copy Psalm 56:3 to take courage!

For further encouragement, the Lord has given us Isaiah 51:12. It gives us His perspective on the matter. Please look it up and pray it in!

You have many promises from God; some you will find in this study, all you will find in God’s Word. Isaiah 49:15, 16 tells you that you are always on God’s mind.

Please write it here:




Not only will the Lord go before you and never forget you, but He also promises you that He will fight for you! Isaiah 49:25, “For I will contend with him who contends with you, and I will save your children.” He has issues with anyone who comes against you when you are His child, and your children have the attention of His heart! If you will walk in obedience with Him, He will meet you at that first step with all the power of heaven to see that you are able to do what He calls you to do. And He will use you to draw your children to Himself!

If you are encouraged, thank God! If you are heartsick, pray! Repentance must start with one who will humble herself before God and agree with Him. You will find healing there at the foot of the cross.

Please write James 4:10. (You don’t need to lift yourself up. God will!)



“Come, and let us return to the Lord; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth,” Hosea 6:1-3.

Please come with me to bring it all before the Lord:

Dear Father, Thank You that You intend healing for Your children, though it means that we be offended first. Your Word goes deep into the heart where everything is visible to You. Nothing is hidden from Your sight. Please cleanse me from my fear. Help me to care about my children, and their eternity. Give me strength to take a stand upon Your Word. Oh, Lord, I trust that You meet Your servants where we are needy, where we choose to trust You. Right here is that place for me. I surrender it to You and wait for Your deliverance. In Jesus’ saving name I pray, A-men.

Sometimes in the middle of an ordinary life

Close to the beginning of this year I wondered how to trust and love again after the shocking revelation that my now ex-husband had not only been having an affair, but had been living with her in another city, as well as admitting to drug use over the span of the last 2 1/2 years of our lives together. I posted, "God is the ONLY reason that I have the strength that I do. That I can look forward to my future. That I can look forward to loving again when the right person comes along." God's strength and His grace is sufficient for all times, all situations.

Well, the right person came along a heck of a lot sooner than expected. He is, and always has been, my very favorite ex-boyfriend and we dated back in 92-93. The only one I've dated that never had anything wrong with him in some way. It was my misguided youth that pushed him away. That turned my back and walked away. I thought he was "too good" for me. And I was terrified he would never leave the family farm up in Iowa. While I AM a country girl, I'm not exactly farmer's wife material.

We reconnected this year, shortly after I announced my divorce. Actually, we'd reconnected in January of last year, renewing our friendship and discovering a mutual love of many surprising things, but he made the first step to call this year after hearing about the divorce.

Things were different this time. Faster, stronger, better... I asked my mom if she was surprised at the speed of how things were going. She said, "not really". When I asked why, she said that it was because the love that we'd always had for each other had never really died. And she's right. He told me that he's never stopped loving me...in 19 years. He says that if he'd have been a little more bold, a little more brave, he would have asked me to marry him back then.

It wouldn't have lasted because back then. I know this and so does he. I was incapable of being able to TRULY appreciate the goodness, the tender heart and genuine sweet spirit of him, like I am able to now, after all I've been though in the past 15 or so years.

He's always been, "My Dave"...whenever I would speak of him. "My Dave". I've never thought of him as anything else but "mine".

I have to laugh at that a little because I'd asked him back in October how how I'd gotten so lucky to have his love not once but twice in a lifetime. "You're my Nicole"...that was his answer. Sweet, simple, to the point...and beautiful. It brought me to tears. It's really quite possibly the BEST response to a question I've had in pretty much ever. To have his love is...amazing...HE is amazing! ♥

So, I wrote this for him and every word rings true...

“I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out; I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.

I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day, not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.

You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself...”
~ Roy Croft

And that simply is the most wonderful man that I know.

I am the woman who has been blessed to have known incomparable love twice in a lifetime...by the same man. I am the woman who always dreamed of having a fairy tale love, who melts at the words from her favorite movie (The Princess Bride), “This is true love, you think this happens every day?” and who has always hoped to find a love like that in real life...a Storybook Love. I am the woman who has been through the extreme pain of disappointments, letdowns and tears in other relationships, not sure if I would ever find someone who loved me for ME. Who would love ONLY me. For whom I, by myself, would be enough.

I am the woman who put up walls, not to keep everyone out, but to see who cared enough to try and break them down. I am the woman who found the one man in the world who didn’t even have to try to break them down, because with him, there are not and have never been any walls, no barriers, no trying to see if he is worthy of my trust, because he’s always had my trust and with him, there has never been a reason for walls to exist in the first place. I am the woman who calls him my miracle. My Gift from God.

I am the woman foolish enough to have let him go 18 years ago, and the woman extremely thankful to have him back in my life 18 years later. I am the woman he never stopped loving, for whom I AM enough, more than enough, and for that, I am eternally grateful and thankful beyond words. I am the woman who has freely given him her heart. Without hesitation. Without reservation. Without strings or games. Because my heart is his. It belongs to him. And I know that it will always be safe and cherished and treasured with him, as his is with me. As he is, by me.

I couldn’t ask to be loved more completely, more honestly, more beautifully than I am by the love that he has for me. How lucky am I to be deeply, crazily, madly, head over heels in love with my best friend? I am truly blessed beyond measure and I am thankful to God every day and every night for the incredible gift of him and our love.

I can't wait for the start of our forever, for my life with him to begin...

I am the woman who loves him above all others and who is his, and his alone. ♥

Fin

And the biggest news of all...though he lives in the Kansas City area...he is moving here in less than 3 weeks for me and the kids. He is getting his own apartment...has his own apartment. He's never lived with anyone because that's just not him. Not once have we ever crossed the line, back then or now. He's worth doing this right. He asked me back in September if I believed that God had brought us back together, to which I replied, "yes, absolutely". And then he said that he wants to honor what it is that God has given us and do this right between us. I love him for that. Crazy chemistry between us? Absolutely! But we both believe that God's blessings are better and brighter if we follow what He says is right. What a man! What a miracle... What a love! And BOY! What a story!

Enjoy the pictures!

Us in 92:


(Last time we saw each other in 94)

Present day (2011)

(First time we'd seen each other in 17 years)

It's all about Irish Stew today1

Hmmmmm, what to do today on this drizzly day. I know! I think I'll make my Irish stew! It's quite delicious and will be ready for the next two very chilly, rainy days here! And it's perfect for all my friends in the frigid Midwest/Northeast. If y'all are of a mind for an easy and tasty meal that will fill you up, keep you warm and make your tastebuds sing, well, here you go. Happy Saturday!

Nic's Unbelievably Tasty Irish Stew

¼ cup olive oil
1 ½ pounds stew beef, cut into 1-inch pieces (I prefer buffalo stew meat)
6 large garlic cloves, minced
6 cups beef stock or canned beef broth
2 cups of Guinness beer (I tend to just put in one can)
1 ½ cup of good red wine (I typically go for a Cab or Cab-Merlot blend)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon herbes de provence (basically a bunch of dried herbs pre-mixed - found in the spice aisle)
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons (¼ stick) butter
3 pounds russet potatoes, peeled, cut into ½ -inch pieces (about 7 cups)
1 large onion, chopped (if someone has onion allergies onion powder can be used instead)
2 cups ½-inch pieces peeled carrots
1 ½ containers quartered fresh white mushrooms
2 cups sliced celery
Salt and Pepper (after simmering through add approx 1 ½ teaspoons of salt - I use sea salt b/c it's helathier for blood pressure issues than regular salt)

1. Heat olive oil in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Add beef and sauté until brown on all sides, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and sauté 1 minute. Add beef stock, Guinness, red wine, tomato paste, sugar, herbes de provence, Worcestershire sauce and bay leaves. Stir to combine. Bring mixture to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, then cover and simmer 2-3 hours, stirring occasionally.

2. While the meat and stock are simmering, melt butter in another large pot over medium heat. Add mushrooms, celery, potatoes, onion and carrots. Sauté vegetables until golden, about 20 minutes.

3. Add vegetables to beef stew. Simmer uncovered until vegetables and beef are very tender (minimum 1 hour). Discard bay leaves. Tilt pan and spoon off fat.

Can be prepared up to 2 days ahead. Salt and pepper to taste. Cool slightly. Refrigerate uncovered until cold, then cover and refrigerate. Bring to simmer before serving. Transfer stew to serving bowl (or individual bread bowls) and serve.

Hint: To thicken a little add some plain instant potato flakes or you can bake and mash some fresh and add to the stew.

Hint: A sourdough bread bowl is the perfect container to serve this delicious stew in!

Walking Down Those Streets Made of Gold

♪♪Showing off her brand spanking new wings and her barbed wire halo♪♪

Amberlyn and I first met at an Aaron Watson concert at John T. Floore's in Helotes, TX...just outside of San Antionio. We'd been online friends for a while, but that was the first time we'd met in person. It was around the end of November, beginning of December a few years ago. From that moment on a fast friendship was forged.

In the Spring of the next year I invited her to go on a tubing trip with my group of friends and she was so worried about if everyone would like her or think her the “strange girl” for having a feeding tube in her stomach that showed in her two piece. She needn’t have worried. She was an angel then as she is now. Everyone loved her and she quickly became a central part of our group of friends. We rallied around her and worked at benefits for her and donated time and money to her charity, Amber’s Angels.

It was so very hard in the fall of 2009 when she was put into a coma and the prognosis was grim for her receiving a pair of lungs due to her condition, even though she was at the top of the national transplant list. It was a razor’s edge that she balanced on, separating the viable from the unviable. Miraculously, no less or more than 24 hours before she would have been taken off the transplant list, and deemed no longer a candidate, the call came in. Amberlyn had a set of lungs.

Sometimes God’s answer is “yes”.

We rejoiced with her. We prayed for her. We loved her. We supported and encouraged her. Amberlyn had a new lease on life. There were several things that she would no longer be able to do, such as go out to the rodeo to listen to her favorite musicians. Horses apparently carry something that can be fatal to lung transplant patients. She could no longer go to concerts where anyone smoked indoors, such as in San Antonio, where there isn’t an indoor smoking ban. But she was happy to be alive and determined to make the best of it. She did so much for her little angels in the hospitals. She made sure to get the awareness about Cystic Fibrosis out there.

She was a champion and a fighter.

I remember the last time we were out together, at Salt Lick for BBQ and then out to dance after. She was laughing, full of life and joy and the world was open to her. This was in July. In August she started having problems again with her lungs and was in and out of the hospitals from then on out.

A couple of months ago we had a conversation about how she wanted to go to Floore’s again to see Aaron on November 26. A group of us were going to go and she was excited about the possibility of going...if her lungs would cooperate. It was going to be a fun time and a good remembrance of how our friendship started out. And she was really looking forward to meeting someone very special to me who was going to be there.

Sometimes God’s answer is “no”.

Amberlyn left us this morning at 8 AM. My heart is broken. She was more like a little sister to me than just a friend. But she is free to fly and soar now as she never was able to here on earth.

November 26 is going to be very hard for me. We are still going to the concert. The person she wanted to meet will still be there. I will have Amberlyn there with me in my heart and will be wishing that she were able to be there as we had planned and hoped she would be able to be. I’ve asked Aaron to play a song for her at the concert. It will be a bittersweet memory to be made this year. I’m not sure how we women, who were very close to her, will handle a couple of songs that Aaron sings that will undoubtedly remind us of Amberlyn and have us wish more than ever that she were with us. I must remember to bring tissues along. It's not going to be a pretty sight, I'm sure.

Amberlyn fought long and hard...now she is at rest. She is loved and missed terribly already and it will be a day of rejoicing and celebration when we meet again, for we know...death is not the end.

Godspeed, my lovely friend...until the next time we meet. I love you, my dear friend.

"Fly"

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

~ Celine Dion

Hearts Are Breaking Across Texas Tonight

My very dear friend, Amberlyn Fett, has been facing an uphill battle, but we know Who holds the future. She is my beautiful friend, young and old at the age of 22. Full of life, but also has gone through so much in her short life. You see, Amberlyn has Cystic Fibrosis and saw far too many others with the same disease lose their battle with it at far younger ages. She is the recipient of a double lung transfer two years ago. Things were going great for her. New lease on life and all that.

Three months ago her lungs started showing signs of rejection. Just little spots here and there of infection. Intensive antibiotic therapy and meds and all sorts of stuff couldn’t take it away. But at least it didn’t get worse...then. Spending most of her time in the hospital the last three months was not where she wanted to be.

Last Thursday they let her out of the hospital and she was able to come home. Things were looking up, but then on Sunday she was rushed back into the hospital and put in ICU...unconscious. Her new, precious lungs had had enough and full rejection set in. Sadly she is not a candidate for another transplant due to the infection in her lungs that come from nowhere and didn’t respond to the meds and antibiotic therapies that they put her through.

They were going to take her off the ventilator this morning. We’ve not heard any word since then. A large group of us stopped and prayed wherever we were at 9 this morning for her, for her family and for her doctors. Patience is not my virtue. The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. We're not sure if no news is good news and God has blessed her with a miracle or if no news means that our worst fears have come true and that they're just trying to cope with everything right now. I’ve been battling tears off and on this gorgeous day.

What really hurts is that she was hoping to go to the same concert I am going to next week Saturday. The concert of a mutual friend, same place where we met a few years ago and our friendship was born. Now, knowing that, unless God bestows a miracle to her, she will never have that chance again, it breaks my heart and each time I think about it, I start to tear up.

She has been such a fighter. So strong. So giving to the kids in her charity, Amber’s Angels.

We KNOW that God’s will is always done. We’ve been praying for a miracle for Amberlyn. We’ve also been praying that whatever God’s answer is for our prayers, that we are given the grace and the wisdom to accept the answer if it is “no” or “not yet”. Being only human we can’t help but be selfish and want her to stay with us, but the knowledge that the opposite means that she is finally at peace, out of pain, with no more struggles to breathe and in the full Glory of God helps to temper that pain that we feel and the possibility of her loss. The knowledge that death is not the end and we WILL see her again also gives a measure of comfort and peace. But we still can’t help but plead for that miracle.

You can learn more about what she’s been through by watching this video on her benefit site, My Breath of Life.


With all that is going on, it really brings home how fragile and fleeting life is. How we should never take the time we have with others for granted and how we should let those that we love know how much they matter to us. You never know when the last kiss, the last hug, the last "I love you" or the last laugh together will be. Never let the last words you say to someone you love be in anger. Those may be the last words you ever get to say to them. Always let those who are in your heart know that you love them. The most regrettable words are those that are left unspoken and never get a chance to be said.

Thinking about everything she is going through right now and what she has gone through, I got an idea for a song and in about 5 minutes, I had the lyrics to this song, not just for my Amberlyn, but for all of us who are going through the toughest times of their lives. Maybe some day I'll have the music to go with it...but in the meantime, here is Amberlyn's song from me to her and you.

We're praying for you, sweet girl, and we love you!

Hold Me Together

When the road of life
Becomes too much to bear
And I can’t seem to take my next step
When doubts come crashing down
And despair is all around
How I long to know You’re there
So even when I can’t feel You
When the only thing left to do is crumble

Chorus:

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

When all round me there is fear
And all I can feel is scared
When the pain is crushing me
When the future is unclear
And I don’t know here to turn
That’s when I need You to help me see

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

Though these changes in life are not what I had planned
I can know You are there
And I hold out my hand
To steady myself
In Your gentle embrace
To trust You once more
With the test of all I face

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

Just hold me together

WFW for October 26: Unless you have the faith of a child...

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Mark 10:15 "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

There are several passages in the Bible where it is mentioned that Heaven belongs to those who are like children. What does that mean? Does that mean we are to behave like children? Children often are extremely selfish, "MINE!", or throw temper tantrums when we tell them, "No!". Obviously those are not Godly qualities, or qualities at all, that we are to mirror.

So what then is God saying? Children have the greatest ability to completely trust and have unwavering faith and belief in something. Have you ever seen the face of a child on Christmas morning, convinced that Santa has been there the night before? Nothing you could say at that point could ever get them to believe otherwise. Have you ever seen a child pray with all their heart and put everything they have into that prayer? Eyes squinched up, hands folded tightly and the fervent requests that they send to God with the full and utmost belief that God is going to answer their prayer?

Ah, now you have an idea of what it means to be "like a little child". Unwavering belief and faith that the impossible is real, that God answers prayers, the uncompromising love that they have for their mommy and daddy and all things wonderful in their eyes.

If we can’t fully believe that God is going to do what He says He will, if we don’t have faith that He is really, truly real and that we are saved, by Grace, through Faith, then we are as lost as one who has let go of the innocence of their youth. When we lose the purity of our hearts to worldly pursuits and see things through the world's eyes instead of God's eyes, we no longer have the faith of a child. Faith the size of the mustard seed can move mountains. Do you know the size of a mustard seed? It’s about ●<= that big...if even that big. Yet, how many of us truly have even that tiny amount of true faith?

Children are marvelous and miraculous in their faith. My mom still tells the story of when I was about 5 and we were driving home in a horrible rainstorm. It was raining so hard that you couldn’t really hear each other speak for the din of the rain pounding the small car and forget even trying to see more than 10 feet in front of you. To top it off, it was rush hour traffic on a very busy major thoroughfare. My mom says that I suddenly closed my eyes and (yell) prayed (to be heard over the noise, I guess), "Dear God, please make the rain stop. In Jesus' Name, Amen". No sooner had I said "Amen", then the rain immediately stopped. Not a single drop more fell from the sky and we made it home safely.

Oh, to have that pure faith again! To trust absolutely that God will take care of us, no matter how big or how small. That’s why I have prayed over and for my two precious children since before they were even born, that they would accept Christ at an early age and stay firmly on that path that He has set before them. My daughter accepted Christ just 3 days shy of her 5th birthday. My son, 23 months, is not old enough to truly understand, but sometimes when we go outside, he will point up to the sky and say, "God".

Unless we believe in God like and have the faith of a child, we can never enter into Heaven because then we rely on outside forces, people, actions, etc. to get us there instead of the one thing that can actually get us there. The one thing that seems improbable and impossible, but is very real and did happen...Christ’s death on the cross for the sins of the world. Your sins. My sins. All sins past, present and future. Unless we absolutely and completely believe and have faith that His death and resurrection alone is enough for the payment of our sins, then we are lost indeed.

The faith of a child is a beautiful...and necessary thing for everyone to have. Even grown ups.

For other Word Filled Wednesdays please visit the Internet Café Devotions or drop by “The WFW portion of the Internet Cafe” to find out more about how to participate in Word Filled Wednesdays.

Where I'm From

I found this from another blog that I frequent and found it to be wonderful and I was so intrigued that I had to do one of my own. Wendell Berry said, "If you don't know where you're from, you'll have a hard time saying where you're going."

If you do this too, or have done this, please let me know so I can see where YOU'RE from!

For the rules on how to do this, please visit HERE. It LOOKS easy, but when you get down to it, it's pretty in depth. You can see how I took the template and expanded on it.

This has been my favorite exercise to do, probably EVER. It involved so much thought and it's the amount of effort that goes into this and what you get out of it that makes it so awesome. God Bless...♥♥♥

Where I'm From


I am from salt of the earth, from God ordained and inspired birth and loving family holding my hands from first step to birth of my children. I am from an unknown mother to a farmer's daughter's loving arms and I am royalty because my Father is the King.

I am from the large, muti-treed, green-grassed back yard, my host to play dates with a metal swing set and blanket laying, listening to the summer cicadas while watching the stars through the hole in the green canopy above. From wooden fences, jasmine, honeysuckle and rose-scented air surrounding a modest white brick house with those familiar yellow garage doors.

I am from the cerulean blue of the bluebonnet, the brick red of the Indian paintbrush, the arrays of oranges in the Mexican hat and the deep yellows of the black-eyed Susan, the wide expanse of robin's egg blue sky and bright, hot, lazy summer days.

I am from opening presents on Christmas Eve after reading Luke 2 and laying out in the living room at my mom's under the lights of the Christmas tree while finishing a Disney movie and from big, warm, enfolding, never-let-you-go hugs, from mom and daughter.

I am from the messy kitchens filled with the remnants of food love and cluttered rooms filled with mementos that are impossible to throw out.

From "because I said so", "I love you, twinkletoes", "remember WHOSE you are" and before bedtime Bible stories with loving prayers for my future. From "God Bless America, land that I love", "salute the flag and support the military" and "hand over your heart, hat OFF of your head during the National Anthem".

I am from Bible believing of the inerrant Word of God, knowing that God listens to every prayer, every word, every thought and hears you no matter where you are, from understanding that sometimes the answer is "no" or "not yet" and that the best things are still yet to come if we just wait and have patience, from knowing that THE KING IS COMING! and is coming back for His own soon, from hymns sung in the car, as lullaby's, as any time songs whenever we felt like it, from forgiveness after wild-child antics and "welcome home's" from a prodigal journey.

I'm from the great state of Texas and from farmland in the Upper Midwest with meal time prayers and family devotions before pot roast, carrots and mashed potatoes or chicken, corn and salads.

From the riding on the lap of my grandpa on his riding mower and smelling the sweet scent of the grass as we cut the green, green, tickly-between-my-toes acres of the yard on the family farm, the perfect Tang mixture and frozen chocolate chip cookies of a loving grandma, the hikes up Enchanted Rock with my dad, the always beside me "thereness" of a devoted mother and the jumping into the cold lake water with beloved cousins at park-side massive family reunions.

I am from the blessings that are the giggles of my children, the small arms thrown around my neck and slobbery kisses of my babies, from the smooth timber of my true love's voice and his warm, large hands holding mine, his strong arms wrapping around me and his chin resting on the top of my head as I listen to the rhythm of his heartbeat under my ear.

I am from old photo albums of faded family pictures, slides of vacations on a projector screen taken by my dad, cedar chest memories of my childhood, costume jewelry sparkles of my grandma, dusty faded powder smells of warm grandparent skin, twinkles in the eyes of those who love me and replayed scenes in my mind's eye; all of which have more worth to me than any jewel or monetary denomination, or priceless work of art.

I am from a place not of this earth, where there is no more sorrow, no more tears or hurts or disappointments, no more anger or betrayals. Where there is no death or separation of loved ones who are in Christ.

I am from streets of gold beside living water and the Tree of Life, where the light always shines and darkness is no more.

I am a name in the Book of Life and I shall live forever. Death has no victory over me.

I am from abundant, precious, selfless, pure Love.

When the vows break...

So, how does one go on with being betrayed in the worst way by their spouse? Blissfully going on in life with the belief that my marriage was strong, that I’d finally found someone who was trustworthy...after all, hadn’t he proved it many times? Sure, we’d had a couple bumps in the road since he moved to Midland for work, but we were good.

Or so I thought.

Imagine my shock when I got a call from my husband the Wednesday before Easter letting me know that he’d been in the hospital the previous night because he’d broken his hand.

Imagine my total and complete surprise when I found out that the reason for the broken hand was because he’d not only been having an affair, but living with her and she finally found out he was married and broke up with him, resulting in his broken hand.

On top of that, he admitted to drug use for over two years that he was able to successfully hide from me and a growing disposition toward alcoholism.

It’s easy to hide those things when one acts no differently at home on the weekend visits. It’s easy when one’s spouse hasn’t had experience being around people on drugs and therefore has no idea what to look for and chalks it up to the stress of not having a job for a long time, injuries, having to move to find work, etc. It’s easy to lie when one has successfully lied to everyone most of their life and covered it up more than convincingly.

How could the man who had been such a great father to my daughter and our son, who had been the man I doted on and loved with all my heart, decide that he was done? Decide that he was going to be selfish and do what he wanted and just throw everything away?

There was nothing that I could say or do that would change his mind from the course of divorce. Even though I was willing to work on it. Wanted to work on it because he was my husband and I loved him. I was told that either I would file for divorce or he would because his heart wasn't in it, he had zero desire to even try to work things out. In order to keep the case here in Austin so I didn't have to travel and leave the kids here I got the papers prepared to file here.

Imagine the biggest shock of all when I found out one week later that I was pregnant! He was very unhappy about that because in the state of Texas there is no divorce when there is a pregnancy between the divorcing partners and this was thwarting HIS wants. I went to the perinatal doctor for an ultrasound and there was the teeny tiny baby and a very low heartbeat. Only 72 beats per minute. I still had hope that I would carry this baby to a safe, healthy birth, unlike the miscarriage I had on Mother’s Day the previous year.

Sadly, that was not to be. The weekend before Memorial Day Weekend I started the process of miscarrying and that Monday I did...the day before I started a new job after having been laid off for about 4 months. A couple weeks later I finally filed for divorce. At that point I’d heard next to nothing from my husband other than his problems and needs from trying to commit suicide and then wanting me to talk him down at 1:30 one morning and around 3 in the morning the next time around.

So, the question goes back to how does one deal with these compounding stresses?

Romans 8:28...For we know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.

It is ONLY because of God that I can get through everything that life has thrown at me. He has been my Deliverer, my Protector, my Fortress, my Strength and my Guide. He has been the one who kept me blessedly numb emotionally when all of this was hitting me, so that I could go on with my new job and continue to take care of my children. God is the ONLY reason that I have the strength that I do. That I can look forward to my future. That I can look forward to loving again when the right person comes along.

God has provided for me so far and I know He will continue to provide all of the needs that I and the kids have.

With God ALL things are possible, including a beautiful, bright future that is uncharted and lies ahead of me. Praise God for His tender mercies toward His children. Thank Him in ALL things because everything He does is for our benefit and growth and for His glory.

Hardest thing in the world to do is praise Him for the bad in your life, but you have to remember that nothing happens to you that hasn’t first been approved and ordained by God. Remember, it’s for our growth and maturity. The hard times show us if we will turn TOWARD God or turn FROM Him. It shows us and others the content of our character.

What do you want your character to say about you?