I've had a lot of time to think about the verb,
the action, the definition of love lately. Andrew Landon summed it up pretty
much perfectly here (with a few additions of my thoughts) so I will let him
take over, for the first part anyway. This is probably one of the most
important and well said definitions I have found yet of what love, the reality
of it, is all about.
"Love is a funny thing. You expect it to
be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect
moments that you find only in movies. You expect them to always say the
right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to
react to it. You expect them to calm you down when you're yelling or
to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you
feel entirely and utterly defeated when something doesn't
exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love
isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no
end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.
Love happens; and it is so incredibly messy.
People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why
you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain,
because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity
that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and
devastating at times, but we can't live without it. We can't breathe the
same way or function quite right without it. See, that's the thing about
love. You hold it up to all these images you've learned to attach to the
word 'love' since you were little.
We learn so many things about love before we are
even capable of falling. Don't rush in. Keep steady. Prince Charming/your
Princess will fix everything. What you don't learn is how hard love is.
How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it
isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Don't
rush in? I practically dove with my eyes closed; fully aware that I had
drowned before. "Love is a battlefield." Never really made sense
because it is contrary to everything we have been taught to believe how 'love'
is supposed to be. But it is so entirely different.
Love isn't them calming you down when you yell.
It's them yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your
face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't him bringing you roses
everyday or pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable.
It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both,
and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her
saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. We are
human beings. We don't handle one another, and we can't be handled. We are
mutable creatures that need something different everyday. Need
something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing
that it's not all for nothing.
So no, it's not them holding you and telling you
everything is going to be all right and will be sunshine and roses. It's them
standing there, admitting they're just as scared as you are. You have to
remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly
put your life, your heart into the palms of another person's hands and said,
"Here, do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed
it to you. As long as you have it."
That's the thing about love. It makes us crazy.
It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't
cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe,
feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every
nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the
fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is WORTH IT. And it's a
hell of a lot better than being 100% happy without someone to show us that
there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole."
In love you don't give up when the going gets
tough. Love can be simple, and it actually really is. It can be made to be so complicated
though when people over think it. We have become a disposable, throw away
society, tossing what doesn't conform perfectly to our idea of what we think
love "should" be. There are a lot of "should's" in life,
but rarely do they ever match up with that fairytale definition/vision in our
head. "Should" isn't "IS".
We have become so conditioned to thinking love
HAS to be a certain way. BS! What works for one, doesn't work for someone else,
and so forth and so on. Love is not perfect. It IS messy. There are no perfect relationships
or people. There are only perfect moments worth cherishing and treasuring that
are created by two imperfect people who share love. If you know someone who
thinks love should be a perfect story from beginning to end, tell them to go
see a romance movie because that's the only place in life where things work out
"perfectly"and in the span of 2 hours.
There will be arguments and misunderstandings in
love, let downs happen and illusions are shattered, but love will mean that you
will try your absolute hardest to get over any hurdles and issues together. True love isn't
selfish and can bring people together in a way nothing else can, it is a soul
connection, a commitment of the heart. Love
is seeing the person for exactly who they are and loving them anyway,
with all their faults, flaws and the things that annoy or irk you sometimes and
that you may not understand because you know that they are so much more than
those things. So much more than their past. They bring life to your life because of who they are.
Love is understanding that the differences, big
or small, are ok because you know that those differences compliment each other.
Where I am weak, you are strong and vice versa. Love is celebrating the
similarities. Love is allowing the other person to expand your experiences and
show you things you may have missed without them there to show you. Love is
knowing that you can trust them with your deepest secrets and know that they
won't look at you differently because they know YOU...and love you anyway.
Love should never be taken for granted, although
often it is. Love is more balanced than the highs and lows that passion and
frustration bring. Love can conquer all, but only if work and effort from both
sides is implemented in order to not destroy love. Understand that it is not
perfect, but it can bring perfect moments together, moments you want to capture
in other ways, so you build and grow together.
If the person in your life makes you want to be
a better person, if they challenge and motivate you and make you think, if
being around them allows you to just "breathe" because you can be
yourself, relax, allow yourself to be vulnerable with them...hold on to that.
If they encourage and support you and don't laugh at your dreams, that is worth
its weight in gold.
Love is feeling more right with a certain
someone than you have ever felt with anyone else, regardless of the challenges
or the differences. Because you know you belong. You know you, and your heart,
are safe with them. Because they let you know in ways, big or small, that you
matter.
Love is give and take and falling in and out of
love several times...but always with the same person. And when the "out of
love" happens, it's holding on because you know that those seasons in life
come and go. So do the good times and the hard times. Having someone there with
you to weather the storms and celebrate the joys is what makes all of it
worthwhile.
Love isn't the fairytale we would all like for
it to be. It, like life, doesn't come with an "easy button". It's
hard, it's work, it's gritty work sometimes, it's fun, it's acceptance and
understanding, it's bending so that it doesn't break irreparably, it's trusting
the other person with your heart and taking care of theirs, it's mutual respect
and honor, it's creating the good memories and the laughter to guide you
through the tears and the sorrows and the not so good times, it's opening
yourself up to hurt and pain and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, it's
letting someone else in with all their baggage, their past experiences, and
being unable to see your life without them in it...it's protecting and
cherishing each other and what you have created. Love, as non-fairytale like as
it is, truly is beautiful in all of its forms and inceptions. It's worth fighting
for and working on daily once you have it.
Love, after all, is what they say makes the
world...makes YOUR world...go 'round.
