Thank God REDEEMED

So, today...2 times each I have heard the following songs: Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave and East To West by Casting Crowns. I mean, really...what are the odds of that happening, 2 separate times I was in the truck between 30 minutes to 1 hour each time other than it’s a God thing? So here’s what I’ve been thinking about as a result, what has been brought to my mind...

Each of these songs reference the gift that was given to us at the Cross through the entirely selfless act of Jesus voluntarily taking on the sins of the entire world... Past, Present, Future – EVERYONE...mine, yours, the bully from 6th grade, the neighbor that purposely antagonizes you, the murder on death row, etc. He didn’t come to die for just specific people, He willingly gave up His life for all of us.

These two songs speak to me so much because I know what I’ve done and who I’ve been in the past. Who I’ve loved, lusted after, stolen from, talked about, hated and on and on. God says in the Bible that if you look at someone with lust in your heart, you have committed adultery with them. If you have hated someone, it is the same as having murdered them. As the man thinketh in his heart, so he is. (Prov 23:7) That is why it is so important to guard your thoughts and your heart and especially your mouth. (separate post coming on that one).

And there are days when I feel like I’m taking 3 steps back and zero steps forward and immediately I regret, I feel bad...I feel guilty. But you know what? Guilt and regret are NOT from God. God in His infinite Mercy and Grace doesn’t just forgive...He forgets. He erases the board. He deletes the file. He destroys the evidence. He doesn’t remember our mistakes. For all the things he does do, this is one thing he refuses to do. He refuses to keep a list of our wrongs. He just plain doesn’t remember.

But we do. You still remember what you did before you changed. Sins you’ve confessed; errors of which you’ve repented; damage you’ve done your best to repair. And though you’re no longer the same person, the ghosts still linger. They get in your face, whisper in your mind and rob you of your joy and remind you of moments when you forgot Whose child you were. They tickle your mind and say things like, “Are you really forgiven? Sure, God forgets most of our mistakes, but do you think He could actually forget the time you... (insert any instance that brings guilt/regret to your mind)” As a result, your spiritual walk has a slight limp. And when you begin to make headway in your spiritual walk, that specter of the past appears and causes you to start doubting yourself.

Be honest now, do you think God is the voice that reminds you of the dirt of your past? Do you think He was joking when He said, “I will remember your sins no more?” Was he exaggerating when He said He would cast our sins as far as the East is from the West? Do you actually believe He would make a statement like “I will not hold their iniquities against them” and then throw them in our faces whenever we ask for help?

Of course not! To love conditionally is against God’s nature. It’s against God’s nature to remember FORGIVEN sins. God is either the God of perfect grace... or he is not God. Grace forgets. He who is perfect love cannot hold grudges. If he does, then he isn’t perfect love. And if he isn’t perfect love, we are chasing rainbows. But I believe in his loving forgetfulness. And I believe he has a graciously terrible memory.

But with that grace, we need to show thankfulness for it. Grace does not mean we have a license to commit the same sin over and over. God has forgiven us. Given us His grace. We need to act like that means something. Because it does. It means that the innocent death of Jesus on the Cross paid the price for our sins.

God has promised us that if we ask forgiveness from our sins with a truly repentant heart He throws them as far as the East is from the West and remembers them no more. Period. End of sentence. Look it up. Psalms 103:12, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12. How does He do this without having to have a high priest to intercede on our behalf, as it was in the Old Testament times?

Through the crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus who is the ONLY High Priest and intercessor that we require to come to the Throne Room of God.

There is another new song that I heard today that is called “Hello, My Name Is...” by Matthew West and it is what all of us who are in Christ should say when faced with fear, defeat, regret, guilt, etc. over our sins.

“Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The One who makes all things new Has proven it’s true”

So coming up on this Easter season, those of us who have found ourselves in Christ, who call Jesus our Savior, we can say “Hello, my name is child of the one true King. I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free. I am, thank God, REDEEMED by the One who has thrown my sins as far as the East is from the West...through the span of one scarred hand to the other.”

Hearts Are Breaking Across Texas Tonight

My very dear friend, Amberlyn Fett, has been facing an uphill battle, but we know Who holds the future. She is my beautiful friend, young and old at the age of 22. Full of life, but also has gone through so much in her short life. You see, Amberlyn has Cystic Fibrosis and saw far too many others with the same disease lose their battle with it at far younger ages. She is the recipient of a double lung transfer two years ago. Things were going great for her. New lease on life and all that.

Three months ago her lungs started showing signs of rejection. Just little spots here and there of infection. Intensive antibiotic therapy and meds and all sorts of stuff couldn’t take it away. But at least it didn’t get worse...then. Spending most of her time in the hospital the last three months was not where she wanted to be.

Last Thursday they let her out of the hospital and she was able to come home. Things were looking up, but then on Sunday she was rushed back into the hospital and put in ICU...unconscious. Her new, precious lungs had had enough and full rejection set in. Sadly she is not a candidate for another transplant due to the infection in her lungs that come from nowhere and didn’t respond to the meds and antibiotic therapies that they put her through.

They were going to take her off the ventilator this morning. We’ve not heard any word since then. A large group of us stopped and prayed wherever we were at 9 this morning for her, for her family and for her doctors. Patience is not my virtue. The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. We're not sure if no news is good news and God has blessed her with a miracle or if no news means that our worst fears have come true and that they're just trying to cope with everything right now. I’ve been battling tears off and on this gorgeous day.

What really hurts is that she was hoping to go to the same concert I am going to next week Saturday. The concert of a mutual friend, same place where we met a few years ago and our friendship was born. Now, knowing that, unless God bestows a miracle to her, she will never have that chance again, it breaks my heart and each time I think about it, I start to tear up.

She has been such a fighter. So strong. So giving to the kids in her charity, Amber’s Angels.

We KNOW that God’s will is always done. We’ve been praying for a miracle for Amberlyn. We’ve also been praying that whatever God’s answer is for our prayers, that we are given the grace and the wisdom to accept the answer if it is “no” or “not yet”. Being only human we can’t help but be selfish and want her to stay with us, but the knowledge that the opposite means that she is finally at peace, out of pain, with no more struggles to breathe and in the full Glory of God helps to temper that pain that we feel and the possibility of her loss. The knowledge that death is not the end and we WILL see her again also gives a measure of comfort and peace. But we still can’t help but plead for that miracle.

You can learn more about what she’s been through by watching this video on her benefit site, My Breath of Life.


With all that is going on, it really brings home how fragile and fleeting life is. How we should never take the time we have with others for granted and how we should let those that we love know how much they matter to us. You never know when the last kiss, the last hug, the last "I love you" or the last laugh together will be. Never let the last words you say to someone you love be in anger. Those may be the last words you ever get to say to them. Always let those who are in your heart know that you love them. The most regrettable words are those that are left unspoken and never get a chance to be said.

Thinking about everything she is going through right now and what she has gone through, I got an idea for a song and in about 5 minutes, I had the lyrics to this song, not just for my Amberlyn, but for all of us who are going through the toughest times of their lives. Maybe some day I'll have the music to go with it...but in the meantime, here is Amberlyn's song from me to her and you.

We're praying for you, sweet girl, and we love you!

Hold Me Together

When the road of life
Becomes too much to bear
And I can’t seem to take my next step
When doubts come crashing down
And despair is all around
How I long to know You’re there
So even when I can’t feel You
When the only thing left to do is crumble

Chorus:

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

When all round me there is fear
And all I can feel is scared
When the pain is crushing me
When the future is unclear
And I don’t know here to turn
That’s when I need You to help me see

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

Though these changes in life are not what I had planned
I can know You are there
And I hold out my hand
To steady myself
In Your gentle embrace
To trust You once more
With the test of all I face

Lift me up
Hold me together
Wipe my tears away
Cradle me in Your embrace
Cause I don’t know how to go down this road
I face
So fill me with Your strength
Fill me with Your peace
Be with me always
Hold on to my hand
Abba
Father
Daddy
I’m Your child
Please hold me together

Just hold me together

When the vows break...

So, how does one go on with being betrayed in the worst way by their spouse? Blissfully going on in life with the belief that my marriage was strong, that I’d finally found someone who was trustworthy...after all, hadn’t he proved it many times? Sure, we’d had a couple bumps in the road since he moved to Midland for work, but we were good.

Or so I thought.

Imagine my shock when I got a call from my husband the Wednesday before Easter letting me know that he’d been in the hospital the previous night because he’d broken his hand.

Imagine my total and complete surprise when I found out that the reason for the broken hand was because he’d not only been having an affair, but living with her and she finally found out he was married and broke up with him, resulting in his broken hand.

On top of that, he admitted to drug use for over two years that he was able to successfully hide from me and a growing disposition toward alcoholism.

It’s easy to hide those things when one acts no differently at home on the weekend visits. It’s easy when one’s spouse hasn’t had experience being around people on drugs and therefore has no idea what to look for and chalks it up to the stress of not having a job for a long time, injuries, having to move to find work, etc. It’s easy to lie when one has successfully lied to everyone most of their life and covered it up more than convincingly.

How could the man who had been such a great father to my daughter and our son, who had been the man I doted on and loved with all my heart, decide that he was done? Decide that he was going to be selfish and do what he wanted and just throw everything away?

There was nothing that I could say or do that would change his mind from the course of divorce. Even though I was willing to work on it. Wanted to work on it because he was my husband and I loved him. I was told that either I would file for divorce or he would because his heart wasn't in it, he had zero desire to even try to work things out. In order to keep the case here in Austin so I didn't have to travel and leave the kids here I got the papers prepared to file here.

Imagine the biggest shock of all when I found out one week later that I was pregnant! He was very unhappy about that because in the state of Texas there is no divorce when there is a pregnancy between the divorcing partners and this was thwarting HIS wants. I went to the perinatal doctor for an ultrasound and there was the teeny tiny baby and a very low heartbeat. Only 72 beats per minute. I still had hope that I would carry this baby to a safe, healthy birth, unlike the miscarriage I had on Mother’s Day the previous year.

Sadly, that was not to be. The weekend before Memorial Day Weekend I started the process of miscarrying and that Monday I did...the day before I started a new job after having been laid off for about 4 months. A couple weeks later I finally filed for divorce. At that point I’d heard next to nothing from my husband other than his problems and needs from trying to commit suicide and then wanting me to talk him down at 1:30 one morning and around 3 in the morning the next time around.

So, the question goes back to how does one deal with these compounding stresses?

Romans 8:28...For we know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.

It is ONLY because of God that I can get through everything that life has thrown at me. He has been my Deliverer, my Protector, my Fortress, my Strength and my Guide. He has been the one who kept me blessedly numb emotionally when all of this was hitting me, so that I could go on with my new job and continue to take care of my children. God is the ONLY reason that I have the strength that I do. That I can look forward to my future. That I can look forward to loving again when the right person comes along.

God has provided for me so far and I know He will continue to provide all of the needs that I and the kids have.

With God ALL things are possible, including a beautiful, bright future that is uncharted and lies ahead of me. Praise God for His tender mercies toward His children. Thank Him in ALL things because everything He does is for our benefit and growth and for His glory.

Hardest thing in the world to do is praise Him for the bad in your life, but you have to remember that nothing happens to you that hasn’t first been approved and ordained by God. Remember, it’s for our growth and maturity. The hard times show us if we will turn TOWARD God or turn FROM Him. It shows us and others the content of our character.

What do you want your character to say about you?