Championship Mindset

I feel very strongly that this message is for someone, or maybe many someones out there today. This comes from a YouTube video from the phenomenal Trent Shelton, but I have transferred from video to text because many people pay better attention when it comes to the written word, whereas video can kind of go in one ear and out the other. If this is for you, know that I am praying for you, even though I don't know who you are. Keep moving forward! Be a Champion. Have a Championship Mindset.

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KMFLY - Keep Moving Forward and let nothing hold you back! Today is special. Today is that day that you become that new you. Today is the day that you become that Champion! It's time for you to stop feeling so sorry for yourselves and doing nothing about it. It's time to stop doing the same old things that have gotten you NOWHERE! It's time to stop using excuses to keep you at a place where you know you shouldn't be. Each and every one of you [watching this] is great. Each and every one of you [watching this] is a Champion. But YOU gotta make that decision.

There are 5 truths to every Champion, whether it be Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey...people who are Champions in their field, in their profession. There are 5 truths that each and every one of these people have. And today we're going to talk about it. You are going to develop that Championship Mindset. It's time for you to be great.

1. Commitment. The first TRUTH to every Champion is that every Champion has something called commitment. Staying loyal to what you said you were going to do...LONG after the mood you said it in has left. So that means that, for a whole month, if you said you were going to wake up at 5 AM to run 3 miles - that sound great the first week. Excited. What happens when that 3rd week comes around? When it's no longer fun. When it's no longer exciting. When that mood you said it in has left. Are you still going to be committed to it? Is it still going to mean that much to you? So many people live a life of incomplete dreams because they give up, they throw in the towel when that mood has left.

2. Discipline. The second TRUTH to every Champion is that every Champion has a little something called discipline. Tattoo it. That mean's permanent. Tattoo your purpose on your heart. So that your actions are trainable before you. Every Champion gets good at saying "NO" to the things that don't get them the "YES". Right? If it's not helping them, it's hurting them. But a lot of us lack that discipline. We say that our dreams are so important. Our goals are so important. We're so focused. But that first opportunity comes whether it's to to go to the club or do something that doesn't move you closer to your dreams, you go jump on it and do it. Your circle is filled with people who don't share your vision. That's holding you back and not moving you forward. You got to be disciplined! Success is a lonely road. There's not going to be too many people around you. You're not going to have a whole clique of friends because they're not going to be disciplined like you. They're not going to understand the commitment that it takes to make these dreams, to make these things happen. You gotta be disciplined.

3. Consistency. The third TRUTH to every Champion is that every Champion is consistent. We anchor our actions in greatness. So daily, not every now and then, not when we feel like it, so daily we produce nothing less than our very best. You know, when you're consistent, you're reliable. When you're reliable, you become trustworthy. There's nothing better in this world than a trustworthy person because when you're trustworthy, you're dependable.

4. Faith. The fourth TRUTH to every Champion is that every Champion has faith. Belief in the odds are beautiful, even when the odds say it's impossible. You know, there's a guy called David and he fought that impossible Goliath. Well, with us, we have a lot of Goliaths in our lives. Whether it be people doubting us. Whether it be statistics. Whether it be our generational curses. Whether it be genetics. Whether it be where we're from, our environment. But we have to "David" ALL of those things because God tells us that faith will make us well. Faith is what makes dreams come true. Believe it. You gotta throw that blanket over that scoreboard of life. You gotta to keep playing until your final seconds are up. You gotta give it your all. You gotta KNOW where you're going. Not what you're going to do. Not believe in the circumstances. Not believe in the stress. Not believe in the challenges. Not believe in the obstacles. You gotta believe in your finish line, that you're going to get there NO MATTER WHAT. That's what Champions believe in. Faith.

5. Heart. The fifth final TRUTH to every Champion is that every Champion has heart. Finding the strength to keep going, even when your mind, people, whatever, says you have nothing left. You keep pushing through those tears. You keep pushing through that pain. You keep pushing through that struggle. You keep pushing through that hurt. Because your heart won't let you quit. Your heart won't let you find excuses. Your heart makes you go until you reach that finish line in life. That's what you gotta have pumping in your heart. It's not about talent. It's not about money. It's about the person who just wants it the most. You gotta want it. You gotta want it so bad that it's hard for you to sleep at night. You gotta want it so bad that it wakes you up in the morning. You gotta want it so bad that conditions outside won't stop you, that people around you won't stop you. Even if it's just you by yourself. That's how bad you gotta want it. It's gotta be planted in your heart. When you talk about it, it should be hard for you to talk about your vision and your goals and your dreams because it means that much to you. Every Champion has heart.

I want you to look in your mirror tonight and create this new you. I want you to develop this Championship Mindset because God has great things for you. God has planned a future of greatness for you. Only thing you have to do is BELIEVE IT and follow His ordered steps. It's time to be Champions. Remember, it all starts with you. Championship Mindset...

Little Eyes Are Watching You

Parents, what are you teaching your children? 

I mean seriously.

• "Too lazy to work" is NOT acceptable for the description under "worked at". They will look for the easy way and expect to get the success without the effort. That is so far from reality it's laughable.
• Skimpy clothing/bathing suits on children is the playground for pedophile's minds - and it's almost always someone that the child knows, adult or their peer, who molests them - trust me on this, I know this from personal experience. 
• Dropping the "F" bomb every other word will get more doors shut in their faces for GOOD opportunities than almost anything else. It's so unattractive and, regardless of their intelligence level, shows that they are anything but. 
• Disrespecting those in authority, your elders, those who are different than you, yourself...your spouse...will teach them to put themselves first instead of looking out for others, could land them in hot water with law enforcement, have them in and out of relationships and marriages because they expect to always be right and heaven help anyone who disagrees with them so POOF...divorce makes it "easy", and they will have the same issues with each relationship. So many parents talk to their children with disrespect. You are not dealing with an inconvenience, you are raising a human being who needs your love, your protection and your respect.

There are so many more but those are the ones I see online on Facebook and witness in person day in and day out. We teach our children what we are by our actions. Not by what we say; though what we say can break spirits and hearts. Your words have power, especially with your children, so use them wisely. Respond to your children. Don't react to them. That can shut them off to you faster than snapping your finger. Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. This is true for all ages. I don't know about you, but I like my house peaceful and not full of stress and strife.

It is always, always, always better to HAVE character than to BE a character. Proverbs 22:1 states that it is better to have a good name than to be rich and to have respect is better than having gold and silver. There are people that you know that when you think of them, of their behavior, even of their name you don't think very favorably of them, if the truth were to be told - even though you might consider them a "friend".

What happened to the good old days of teaching your children the values of respecting yourself and others - because if they truly respected themselves they wouldn't wear a lot of what they do (just sayin'), hard work, integrity, modesty, kindness to others, everything in moderation, honor and so on? When did those fall by the wayside and become "old fashioned" values? Those values NEVER go out of style!

You are their PARENT FIRST and their friend second. If they don't like that you discipline them now, they'll get over it later because they'll remember the lessons learned from it. I did. I hated it at the time, but I learned from it. Children NEED rules and boundaries. Why? Because it shows them that you care! If you let them get away with anything and everything, they will get into bigger troubles to try and get your attention to show them that you actually care for them. Go figure! Sounds crazy but studies have shown it to be true! Correct and appropriate discipline is a GOOD thing! But never discipline in anger. Again, that is the reactionary side of things. Respond. Don't react.

Another thing, don't talk down to them! The world is treating and talking to our children like they have PhD's and we still talk to them like they're in pre-school. Would you rather they find out about things like sex and STDs and drugs and drinking from their friends first or from you first? Young children don't need the details, just the basics satisfy them. As they get older you can answer with more. But if you are too embarrassed to talk to them about those things and the consequences, you can bet that their friends won't be and they won't be talking about the consequences. Be wise. Be a parent. Give them a reason to be able to trust coming to you with these questions. DON'T REACT! Respond.

Yes, I know I have been saying that a lot here, but it is TRUE! Responding gives them a safe atmosphere where they are comfortable talking to you. Reacting shuts them down and makes them think, "I can never come to her/him with anything because, WHOA!" And they check out.

Be the parent you want your children to be. They do what you DO, not what you say, no matter how many times we wish it were otherwise. But, if you are the person you need to be, then you won't have to wish it were the other way around.

Be ATTENTIVE to your children! Don't check out. The phone, the computer, your work, your friends...NONE of them are more important than your child. Spend time with them. Let them know that they matter to you. Children spell L-O-V-E as T-I-M-E. Don't be afraid to get silly with them. They love it and they'll love you all the more for it. It's hot, you're sweaty, it's raining, you're hair is frizzing? Suck. It. Up. They're only young once and time flies so don't blink or you'll soon had a tween or teen who doesn't want to spend time with you and you'll have lost out. Again, spend TIME with them, or you will find as they grow they don't have time for you.

It makes my heart hurt to hear and see what kids are doing and behaving like these days and I thank God every day that Emily and Nate are far different from most of what I see out there today. It's times like this that I really do miss Mayberry. I miss the values so clearly portrayed in that show. I wish that they were still the focal values in society today. I think we would be a whole lot better off if they were.

Pure Is Not Just For Ivory Soap

TRUTHBOMB

This is what I'm teaching my 11 year old daughter. For most of my adult life I have willfully disobeyed God when it came to sex and I admit it. In the movie, "The Devil's Advocate", the devil, played by a couple of actors - Al Pachino most notably, at the very end of the movie looks right into the camera and says, "Vanity, definitely my favorite sin." Well, for me it's always been lust that I've struggled with almost all my life.

In the movie "Oklahoma" there's the song, "I Can't Say No" with the line in it that goes, "...kissin's my favorite food...with or without the mistletoe, I'm in the holiday mood". Yup. Kissing and everything else that follows. But here's the thing. Yes, lust has historically been my favorite sin, so to speak. Somewhere along the way, I started to believe that in order to get a man's attention or keep it, that I had to offer up my body. Cheapen the act of intimacy and turn it into something crude and rude and vulgar. Sometimes it was so that I wouldn't feel lonely. Sometimes it was to prove to myself that I was desirable to others because I had extremely low self-esteem, regardless of my looks. Sometimes it was just because I wanted to feel close to someone. Sometimes it was just because I wanted to.

Maybe it had to do with the childhood trauma of being molested, not raped, thank God, but by more than one person as a child. One, a single adult in the neighborhood who'd been friendly to all the kids. I suspect I wasn't the only one, but I could never prove it. Two others, one girl when I was very young who was much older than me, one boy my age when I was older... All of these years apart from each other, but all under the age of 10 for me. My mom only knew of the one at the time, and only because my best friend back then forced me to tell her. Back in the late 70's through mid-80's, you just didn't discuss stuff like this and I didn't know what to say or do about it. The one was dealt with quietly and she protected me as best as she knew how and I love her even more for it. But you don't experience stuff like that and not have it leave some sort of damage to your soul.

Regardless of the reason, I KNEW it was wrong. As I got into my late teens, I finally caved to the pressures of the world that said, "if it feels good...DO IT" and continued to do so for many years. Growing up in a strong Christian household and having accepted Christ at an early age, I was definitely not ignorant of God's Word and what it said about intimacy and sex outside of marriage. I was just willfully disobedient about it. Like so many Christians I know today. People who claim to know and love and follow Jesus, but think that living with someone or having sex before marriage is perfectly fine because purity is old fashioned and...everybody's doing it.

I'm woefully guilty of this myself. I KNEW it was wrong but did it anyway. I desensitized myself to God and what His guidance is.

There are reasons why God says that we are to save ourselves for the person we marry. GOOD reasons. There's so much heartache to be brought into a marriage if you've contracted an STD or have "tried somebody else on for size". Too many people to compare your spouse with and what if they fall short of your prior experiences? What disappointments are you bringing to them? To yourself?

There's a REASON God says we are to remain pure and chaste for the one He has chosen for us.

Casual sex is rampant in many societies. There is, in truth, no such thing as “casual” sex, because of the depth of intimacy involved in the sexual relationship. The following analogy helps you to understand just what casual sex and multiple partners does to us. If we take a sticky note and attach it to a piece of paper, it will adhere. If we remove it, it will leave behind a small amount of residue; the longer it remains, the more residue is left. If we take that note and stick it to several places repeatedly, it will leave residue everywhere we stick it, and it will eventually lose its ability to adhere to anything. This is much like what happens to us when we engage in “casual” sex. Each time we leave a sexual relationship, we leave a part of ourselves behind. The longer the relationship has gone on, the more we leave behind, and the more we lose of ourselves. As we go from partner to partner, we continue to lose a tiny bit of ourselves each time, and eventually we may lose our ability to form a lasting sexual relationship at all.

Yes, I have a rather colorful past. God, in His grace and mercy, has forgiven me for the sins of my past. It has been 2 years since my divorce and I have not been intimate with anyone since then. Not even when I was seriously dating someone a year ago. I know now WHY God says these things. I am so thankful that God did not allow me to reap the punishments I deserved for my sins. I don't have to explain to someone that I contracted something that can't be gotten rid of because I gave myself away to someone who was just as reckless with their bodies as I had been with mine. But I have friends...family in Christ, who have had to deal with the fallout from their sin of lust and sex before marriage and it's hard. It is difficult for them. It's a whole different world to have to deal with. A permanent reminder. Even if it is an STD that has gone away through surgery or medication, the fact is that they still had one. It is just one result of not honoring our bodies and the gift that God has given us to give ONLY to our spouse that He has chosen for us. Of not respecting ourselves...or God.

Do you not think that God doesn't love you and that He wouldn't have chosen the best person for you? Perfect for you? Why ruin something wonderful by being unwilling to wait for God's best?

If this the lifestyles in this world are what's considered "normal", I'm glad to no longer be "normal". I'd much rather be considered "different" as I finally follow what God says about sex. Yeah, it might be "old fashioned", but so what? At least I know that the one who is worthy of the person I've become loves me for me, and not because I'm an "easy" catch. Someone who's an "easy" catch is just as easily thrown back while they search for someone who is worth keeping...someone who isn't so easy to catch.

So, here are some other truths for you if you're single, whether you've never been married or are married and divorced - once or more than once, like myself.

1. God desires us to be pure, maybe the reason you are single is that He is removing that temptation from your life until you are ready for the one He has chosen for you.

2. God is still writing your love story so don't mess up the ending by trying to write your own.

3. God wants your focus to be Him first. Keep your eyes on HIM and delight yourself in Him and He has promised to give you the desires of your heart.

4. You should be so hidden in God that someone needs to seek Him in order to find you, and when they do find you both of you should keep seeking Him together because, as the Bible says "a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken".

5. Trust in God means trust in HIS timing. We can't force God to move and if we try to do it on our own, how can He bless us with His best?

6. The RIGHT one will respect you and your decision to remain pure and will want to honor what it is that God has given to the two of you by not pressuring you to have premarital sex.

7. Ladies...yes, it is a man's job to respect you...but it is your job, as a woman, to give him something to respect.

Do You Live Out In Your Life What Your Lips Proclaim?

There it is in BLACK and WHITE...I have been the biggest of these. Saturday night sinner. Sunday morning saint. Though, to be honest, that has been a while, nevertheless, I can remember in my teens through mid-20s going to church still drunk from the night before and pulling it off. But since my life has started the process of transformation in Christ, what used to not bother me in other's posts of being drunk and hungover now greatly saddens and disappoints me as in the next breath they post about how great God is and how much they love Him and are thankful.

 

That was ME. To a TEE. I sit here ashamed to have to admit...that was me. And it was amusing to me too.

 

At the time.

 

Though, I can no longer recall just why. Why is it amusing to comment publically, as an adult, how drunk/hammered/smashed/wasted/hungover you are and then post about how much you have to thank God for? How you love Him. How awesome He is.

Really?!?! Do you think people are buying what you’re trying to sell?

 

Because you’re sure not acting like you believe the words you’re posting. Neither did I. One post about God does not negate everything else that you’ve said about living anything but a Godly life. James 1:8 in the New Testament says, “A double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.” You cannot serve two masters. You can’t live for the world on Saturday night and then try and claim you live for Jesus Sunday morning. It just doesn’t work that way. Sorry folks. Who would believe you mean it? Who would want to follow YOU if you don’t present the spiritual walk consistent with your talk. All it seems to be is hot air and empty words when compared with your life and what pictures and comments you post about your wild weekend/party time.

 

Yes, God’s grace IS greater than all of our sins. But grace doesn’t give us license to sin.

STOP IT!

Can I get an AMEN on this? This is one of my biggest pet peeves and a HUGE stick in my craw. Even pastors living in the GRAY and leading their congregation into the gray shades use this line to excuse the sin in others..."It's ok...God knows your heart".

IT'S NOT OK! So just STOP IT!

If you claim to know Jesus then you need to live like it. Plain and simple. God is a BLACK and WHITE God. He does not allow room for shades of gray. He died for you. It it too much for you to live for Him?

Sometimes the TRUTH hurts

I love this truth...and yet it is a hard pill to swallow b/c I have been guilty of this and sometimes the TRUTH just plain hurts.

How do you expect God to bless you when you ask Him to if you are clinging to the world instead of Him?

If you love the things that the world has to offer your flesh more than what God has to offer your life and spirit, why should God listen when you ask for something?

We should cling to HIM, to His Word instead of the world...

You can fool some people...

For man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart...

It's so easy to fool others when all they can see is the surface, but God sees and knows our innermost thoughts, desires, intentions, plans...you name it. He knows when we plan to cheat someone financially...or cheat ON someone, lie about something, drink too much and get behind the wheel, put a TV show or your nights out or even your next fix, above the welfare and safety of your child(ren) and your duty to them as their parent to not check out and to be present.

You can have a beautiful facade of the perfect life, being the perfect person/parent/spouse, etc.

But it's what goes on behind and within the four walls of your life that God sees.

Those hurts, disappointments, struggles, past/current/(and/or) self abuse you try to hide from others, cheats, lies, crimes you don't think anyone else knows about...that keep you awake at night...that make you fearful that anyone should ever find out about...yeah...those things.

God sees them all. He knows them. He knows the REAL you. You can't hide from Him and you can't hide them from Him.

So if you think nobody knows who you really are...the one you are trying so hard to hide from everyone else...you're wrong. God knows. God sees. God hears and listens. That should scare some of you and comfort others. God loves you just as you are...but He loves you far too much to keep you that way.

Thank God REDEEMED

So, today...2 times each I have heard the following songs: Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave and East To West by Casting Crowns. I mean, really...what are the odds of that happening, 2 separate times I was in the truck between 30 minutes to 1 hour each time other than it’s a God thing? So here’s what I’ve been thinking about as a result, what has been brought to my mind...

Each of these songs reference the gift that was given to us at the Cross through the entirely selfless act of Jesus voluntarily taking on the sins of the entire world... Past, Present, Future – EVERYONE...mine, yours, the bully from 6th grade, the neighbor that purposely antagonizes you, the murder on death row, etc. He didn’t come to die for just specific people, He willingly gave up His life for all of us.

These two songs speak to me so much because I know what I’ve done and who I’ve been in the past. Who I’ve loved, lusted after, stolen from, talked about, hated and on and on. God says in the Bible that if you look at someone with lust in your heart, you have committed adultery with them. If you have hated someone, it is the same as having murdered them. As the man thinketh in his heart, so he is. (Prov 23:7) That is why it is so important to guard your thoughts and your heart and especially your mouth. (separate post coming on that one).

And there are days when I feel like I’m taking 3 steps back and zero steps forward and immediately I regret, I feel bad...I feel guilty. But you know what? Guilt and regret are NOT from God. God in His infinite Mercy and Grace doesn’t just forgive...He forgets. He erases the board. He deletes the file. He destroys the evidence. He doesn’t remember our mistakes. For all the things he does do, this is one thing he refuses to do. He refuses to keep a list of our wrongs. He just plain doesn’t remember.

But we do. You still remember what you did before you changed. Sins you’ve confessed; errors of which you’ve repented; damage you’ve done your best to repair. And though you’re no longer the same person, the ghosts still linger. They get in your face, whisper in your mind and rob you of your joy and remind you of moments when you forgot Whose child you were. They tickle your mind and say things like, “Are you really forgiven? Sure, God forgets most of our mistakes, but do you think He could actually forget the time you... (insert any instance that brings guilt/regret to your mind)” As a result, your spiritual walk has a slight limp. And when you begin to make headway in your spiritual walk, that specter of the past appears and causes you to start doubting yourself.

Be honest now, do you think God is the voice that reminds you of the dirt of your past? Do you think He was joking when He said, “I will remember your sins no more?” Was he exaggerating when He said He would cast our sins as far as the East is from the West? Do you actually believe He would make a statement like “I will not hold their iniquities against them” and then throw them in our faces whenever we ask for help?

Of course not! To love conditionally is against God’s nature. It’s against God’s nature to remember FORGIVEN sins. God is either the God of perfect grace... or he is not God. Grace forgets. He who is perfect love cannot hold grudges. If he does, then he isn’t perfect love. And if he isn’t perfect love, we are chasing rainbows. But I believe in his loving forgetfulness. And I believe he has a graciously terrible memory.

But with that grace, we need to show thankfulness for it. Grace does not mean we have a license to commit the same sin over and over. God has forgiven us. Given us His grace. We need to act like that means something. Because it does. It means that the innocent death of Jesus on the Cross paid the price for our sins.

God has promised us that if we ask forgiveness from our sins with a truly repentant heart He throws them as far as the East is from the West and remembers them no more. Period. End of sentence. Look it up. Psalms 103:12, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12. How does He do this without having to have a high priest to intercede on our behalf, as it was in the Old Testament times?

Through the crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus who is the ONLY High Priest and intercessor that we require to come to the Throne Room of God.

There is another new song that I heard today that is called “Hello, My Name Is...” by Matthew West and it is what all of us who are in Christ should say when faced with fear, defeat, regret, guilt, etc. over our sins.

“Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The One who makes all things new Has proven it’s true”

So coming up on this Easter season, those of us who have found ourselves in Christ, who call Jesus our Savior, we can say “Hello, my name is child of the one true King. I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free. I am, thank God, REDEEMED by the One who has thrown my sins as far as the East is from the West...through the span of one scarred hand to the other.”

Who are YOUR closest 5?

It is said that you are who your 5 closest friends are...your belief, your work habits, your income, and your family life....so the question is, Are you happy with that?
I absolutely hate to admit it, but this is why I no longer have the contact now with those I used to be very close to that I once had. While I still love them dearly, I find that my interests, my goals, my dreams, my life have all changed radically over the past couple of years and these past several months especially. I’ve changed. God’s really been working in me personally and what I once found enthralling and chased after, it matters not to me now.

I prefer to spend time with my children, who are at a stage in life where they need me to BE THERE for various reasons. My 11 year old daughter looks up to me and learns the example that I teach her, and I have to be careful that my actions are measuring up to my words if I want her to be a young woman of character and quality. Regardless of what the joke is...life with children IS a do as I do and not just what I say. Monkey see, monkey do. My 3 year old son needs quality and quantity time with his mommy. Boys need a mother who is engaged and interested in them, because, quite frankly, a mom is the most important person in a boy's life and these are his developmental years. Who I am is the kind of person he will end up looking for in a wife. As a general rule, the saying is true, girls look for their fathers and boys look for their mothers...though there ARE exceptions to this. As a single mother, my daughter may not have a great father to look up to, but she can learn the kind of woman to become by watching me.

The cuddles and hugs and laughter and memories made with my children are infinitely more important to me than going out to a bar. These are the memories and traditions that will linger on, long after I am but a memory. I’m good with being mostly a homebody these days b/c these times with my children can’t be taken back. Once they’re gone, they’re gone and as Aerosmith sings “I don’t want to miss a thing”.

Does that mean that I don’t take time for myself? Goodness no! I just prefer to do it in a more relaxed atmosphere once in a while or go out to listen to some great live music on occasion. And I absolutely love tubing with my friends during the summer. That’s some good Texas fun, right there!!! I might go out with friends one night a week a couple weeks in a row and others I might not go out at all for several weeks and, frankly, while I absolutely love to dance still, bars no longer hold the interest that they once did so my experiences in them is extremely limited now. Literally now only for a friend’s concert or a benefit event. I’m perfectly ok with that because I’ve changed. And I’m happy with the change in me. I’m content.

I have to be entirely honest and say that I don't even think I can count 5 friends who I am truly close to anymore. I have a lot of friends that I truly love dearly, as mentioned above...but genuinely CLOSE friends??? I can think of 3 off the top of my head. They're all diverse in their stage/station in life, and my mom is one.

People I look up to, learn from, take advice from and work on emulating, however...I have a lot more than just 5. And as I continue to work on myself and becoming a better person and building a better life for my children and a better future for us, I know that I will end up being able to say that those people I choose to have as my mentors will end up leading me to find like-minded people that grow in to the close friend category.

You are who you hang out with, what you listen to, what you read, who you look up to and learn from. Where you are right now, what does that say about where your future is headed? Be honest with yourself. When you look in the mirror, are you content and happy with the person you see staring back at you? If not, why not? (Rhetorical question there – answer to yourself). Me? I’m happy. I’m content. Finally. But I have a drive that is starting to build in me, a fire that has caught and is starting to burn for me to become better...more...GREATER. I will get there b/c it’s too important to me and not getting there is not an option for myself or my children.  

Why I make the choices I do:

It's about love, love, love...it's about love.

I've had a lot of time to think about the verb, the action, the definition of love lately. Andrew Landon summed it up pretty much perfectly here (with a few additions of my thoughts) so I will let him take over, for the first part anyway. This is probably one of the most important and well said definitions I have found yet of what love, the reality of it, is all about.

"Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect them to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect them to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love happens; and it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. We can't breathe the same way or function quite right without it. See, that's the thing about love. You hold it up to all these images you've learned to attach to the word 'love' since you were little.

We learn so many things about love before we are even capable of falling. Don't rush in. Keep steady. Prince Charming/your Princess will fix everything. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Don't rush in? I practically dove with my eyes closed; fully aware that I had drowned before. "Love is a battlefield." Never really made sense because it is contrary to everything we have been taught to believe how 'love' is supposed to be. But it is so entirely different.

Love isn't them calming you down when you yell. It's them yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. We are human beings. We don't handle one another, and we can't be handled. We are mutable creatures that need something different everyday. Need something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it's not all for nothing.

So no, it's not them holding you and telling you everything is going to be all right and will be sunshine and roses. It's them standing there, admitting they're just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person's hands and said, "Here, do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it."

That's the thing about love. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is WORTH IT. And it's a hell of a lot better than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole."

In love you don't give up when the going gets tough. Love can be simple, and it actually really is. It can be made to be so complicated though when people over think it. We have become a disposable, throw away society, tossing what doesn't conform perfectly to our idea of what we think love "should" be. There are a lot of "should's" in life, but rarely do they ever match up with that fairytale definition/vision in our head. "Should" isn't "IS".

We have become so conditioned to thinking love HAS to be a certain way. BS! What works for one, doesn't work for someone else, and so forth and so on. Love is not perfect. It IS messy. There are no perfect relationships or people. There are only perfect moments worth cherishing and treasuring that are created by two imperfect people who share love. If you know someone who thinks love should be a perfect story from beginning to end, tell them to go see a romance movie because that's the only place in life where things work out "perfectly"and in the span of 2 hours.

There will be arguments and misunderstandings in love, let downs happen and illusions are shattered, but love will mean that you will try your absolute hardest to get over any hurdles and issues together. True love isn't selfish and can bring people together in a way nothing else can, it is a soul connection, a commitment of the heart. Love is seeing the person for exactly who they are and loving them anyway, with all their faults, flaws and the things that annoy or irk you sometimes and that you may not understand because you know that they are so much more than those things. So much more than their past. They bring life to your life because of who they are.

Love is understanding that the differences, big or small, are ok because you know that those differences compliment each other. Where I am weak, you are strong and vice versa. Love is celebrating the similarities. Love is allowing the other person to expand your experiences and show you things you may have missed without them there to show you. Love is knowing that you can trust them with your deepest secrets and know that they won't look at you differently because they know YOU...and love you anyway.

Love should never be taken for granted, although often it is. Love is more balanced than the highs and lows that passion and frustration bring. Love can conquer all, but only if work and effort from both sides is implemented in order to not destroy love. Understand that it is not perfect, but it can bring perfect moments together, moments you want to capture in other ways, so you build and grow together.

If the person in your life makes you want to be a better person, if they challenge and motivate you and make you think, if being around them allows you to just "breathe" because you can be yourself, relax, allow yourself to be vulnerable with them...hold on to that. If they encourage and support you and don't laugh at your dreams, that is worth its weight in gold.

Love is feeling more right with a certain someone than you have ever felt with anyone else, regardless of the challenges or the differences. Because you know you belong. You know you, and your heart, are safe with them. Because they let you know in ways, big or small, that you matter.

Love is give and take and falling in and out of love several times...but always with the same person. And when the "out of love" happens, it's holding on because you know that those seasons in life come and go. So do the good times and the hard times. Having someone there with you to weather the storms and celebrate the joys is what makes all of it worthwhile.

Love isn't the fairytale we would all like for it to be. It, like life, doesn't come with an "easy button". It's hard, it's work, it's gritty work sometimes, it's fun, it's acceptance and understanding, it's bending so that it doesn't break irreparably, it's trusting the other person with your heart and taking care of theirs, it's mutual respect and honor, it's creating the good memories and the laughter to guide you through the tears and the sorrows and the not so good times, it's opening yourself up to hurt and pain and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, it's letting someone else in with all their baggage, their past experiences, and being unable to see your life without them in it...it's protecting and cherishing each other and what you have created. Love, as non-fairytale like as it is, truly is beautiful in all of its forms and inceptions. It's worth fighting for and working on daily once you have it.

Love, after all, is what they say makes the world...makes YOUR world...go 'round.