2013: My life in review

2 days left in 2013. WOW! Where has the time gone? More importantly, what did you learn in this year? For me, from the very start - the first weekend of 2013, in fact - it has been an incredible year of changes and growth. Both for the better. I am not the same person leaving this year as I was coming into it, and for that I am very thankful.

I have made incredible friends for life, some of whom I've only met once or a handful of times, but the blessing of the internet is that we can keep up daily across the miles. Some whom I reconnected with, whether online or in person. Friends who are of a like mind, friends who encourage, support and speak life over others. Friends who have prayed for and over me. Friends who have listened and encouraged the growth in my life, and have been part of the catalyst of that growth.

One of the biggest changes - and best - is becoming a work from home mom. Being able to be there for my kids has made all the difference in the home atmosphere regarding attitude. It has been a tremendous blessing! The biggest one. It has helped me to become closer to them in ways I couldn't have imagined prior to working at stressful 45+ hour work week elsewhere. It has deepened my relationship with them as I am able to be there for celebrations and parties, milestones and games. To pick Em up "early" - now meaning as soon as school ends - and stay late with Nate when I drop him off.

I am thankful for the incredible spiritual truths that have been brought to me this past year. Truths that have opened my eyes and changed my life. Thankful for an amazing group of women who have seen the transformation in my life and have believed in and encouraged me and spoken life and truth over me. Not a day goes by where I and my family aren't thankful for their existence in my life and the truths that have been so much of the catalyst for the change in me.

I still have much to work on, but then again, we are all works in progress, are we not?

I am excited for what 2014 has to offer, because as good as 2013 has been, it can and will be better. 2014 will be a year of many dreams and accomplishments realized, goals reached and milestones crossed off my list. It will be a year of even deeper spiritual growth and understanding and I know it will be a year of blessings and wonderful surprises because God has never failed me or let me down and He won't start now. I have promises from Him that will come in His timing. Not mine.

That's been probably one of the biggest lessons for me is to be patient and wait. Psalms 27:14 says it very well. "Wait on the Lord, be strong and He will strengthen your heart. Wait on the Lord." Jeremiah 29:11 says it even better. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." If God has great plans for me and if I follow the path He has laid out for me, if I put my WHOLE trust in Him and let Him lead, instead of trying to make Him follow, how can I go wrong?

So, leaving 2013 behind soon and coming into 2014 with great expectations and beliefs about what will happen has me looking forward to this coming year with GREAT anticipation, joy and excitement! I look forward to being a better and stronger mother, daughter, friend, person, leader and Christian. 2014 is a new year, a new beginning, a new page on which I will write victories, goals, joys and dreams realized! Happy New Year to you all and may your 2014 far exceed and outshine your 2013!

Little Eyes Are Watching You

Parents, what are you teaching your children? 

I mean seriously.

• "Too lazy to work" is NOT acceptable for the description under "worked at". They will look for the easy way and expect to get the success without the effort. That is so far from reality it's laughable.
• Skimpy clothing/bathing suits on children is the playground for pedophile's minds - and it's almost always someone that the child knows, adult or their peer, who molests them - trust me on this, I know this from personal experience. 
• Dropping the "F" bomb every other word will get more doors shut in their faces for GOOD opportunities than almost anything else. It's so unattractive and, regardless of their intelligence level, shows that they are anything but. 
• Disrespecting those in authority, your elders, those who are different than you, yourself...your spouse...will teach them to put themselves first instead of looking out for others, could land them in hot water with law enforcement, have them in and out of relationships and marriages because they expect to always be right and heaven help anyone who disagrees with them so POOF...divorce makes it "easy", and they will have the same issues with each relationship. So many parents talk to their children with disrespect. You are not dealing with an inconvenience, you are raising a human being who needs your love, your protection and your respect.

There are so many more but those are the ones I see online on Facebook and witness in person day in and day out. We teach our children what we are by our actions. Not by what we say; though what we say can break spirits and hearts. Your words have power, especially with your children, so use them wisely. Respond to your children. Don't react to them. That can shut them off to you faster than snapping your finger. Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. This is true for all ages. I don't know about you, but I like my house peaceful and not full of stress and strife.

It is always, always, always better to HAVE character than to BE a character. Proverbs 22:1 states that it is better to have a good name than to be rich and to have respect is better than having gold and silver. There are people that you know that when you think of them, of their behavior, even of their name you don't think very favorably of them, if the truth were to be told - even though you might consider them a "friend".

What happened to the good old days of teaching your children the values of respecting yourself and others - because if they truly respected themselves they wouldn't wear a lot of what they do (just sayin'), hard work, integrity, modesty, kindness to others, everything in moderation, honor and so on? When did those fall by the wayside and become "old fashioned" values? Those values NEVER go out of style!

You are their PARENT FIRST and their friend second. If they don't like that you discipline them now, they'll get over it later because they'll remember the lessons learned from it. I did. I hated it at the time, but I learned from it. Children NEED rules and boundaries. Why? Because it shows them that you care! If you let them get away with anything and everything, they will get into bigger troubles to try and get your attention to show them that you actually care for them. Go figure! Sounds crazy but studies have shown it to be true! Correct and appropriate discipline is a GOOD thing! But never discipline in anger. Again, that is the reactionary side of things. Respond. Don't react.

Another thing, don't talk down to them! The world is treating and talking to our children like they have PhD's and we still talk to them like they're in pre-school. Would you rather they find out about things like sex and STDs and drugs and drinking from their friends first or from you first? Young children don't need the details, just the basics satisfy them. As they get older you can answer with more. But if you are too embarrassed to talk to them about those things and the consequences, you can bet that their friends won't be and they won't be talking about the consequences. Be wise. Be a parent. Give them a reason to be able to trust coming to you with these questions. DON'T REACT! Respond.

Yes, I know I have been saying that a lot here, but it is TRUE! Responding gives them a safe atmosphere where they are comfortable talking to you. Reacting shuts them down and makes them think, "I can never come to her/him with anything because, WHOA!" And they check out.

Be the parent you want your children to be. They do what you DO, not what you say, no matter how many times we wish it were otherwise. But, if you are the person you need to be, then you won't have to wish it were the other way around.

Be ATTENTIVE to your children! Don't check out. The phone, the computer, your work, your friends...NONE of them are more important than your child. Spend time with them. Let them know that they matter to you. Children spell L-O-V-E as T-I-M-E. Don't be afraid to get silly with them. They love it and they'll love you all the more for it. It's hot, you're sweaty, it's raining, you're hair is frizzing? Suck. It. Up. They're only young once and time flies so don't blink or you'll soon had a tween or teen who doesn't want to spend time with you and you'll have lost out. Again, spend TIME with them, or you will find as they grow they don't have time for you.

It makes my heart hurt to hear and see what kids are doing and behaving like these days and I thank God every day that Emily and Nate are far different from most of what I see out there today. It's times like this that I really do miss Mayberry. I miss the values so clearly portrayed in that show. I wish that they were still the focal values in society today. I think we would be a whole lot better off if they were.

Who are you calling donkey?

There was once a donkey for hire.  He was chosen out of the rest of the donkeys to be the one hired out for a day.  At the end of the day, the rest of the donkeys asked him how his day went.

The donkey was thrilled.  "It was amazing," he said.  "There were crowds lining both sides of the street.  They were throwing palm fronds before my feet and shouting 'Hosanna!' as I passed by."

"You know," said the donkey, "I think they're gonna crown me King."

The point is obvious. Nobody remembers the donkey.  It is the Message he carries that people pay attention to - the donkey is only part of the background. Your life should be about presenting the message that the Lord is preparing to return, not about the donkey carrying that message. The donkey only carried the Message, and so should we all.

Strive to be the carrier of the message and show by example in our lives how that Message has transformed us, instead of braying like a donkey to bring attention to ourselves. The message we carry is far more important! It's eternal...

Do you REALLY know God?

Pretty sobering words, aren’t they? I’m equally as guilty of Titus 1:16 as most everyone. In fact, even recently, up until a couple months before I had probably the most profound, life-changing experience of my life at the New Year | New Marriage/Mindset(singles) conference with Oneand2 Ministries at the beginning of January. It was nothing for me to love God and profess Him...when it was convenient for ME. 

I meant it, every word, every feeling. 

But when I was out? Especially prior to two years ago I got really good at shushing that quiet voice in my head that said, “You don’t use that language at home, church, or around your kids, why use it when you’re out?” or “Maybe you shouldn't have another drink, you think?” Drowning my Jiminy Cricket (AKA my conscience) was an easy thing to do...uncomfortable though. I knew I was living a separate life often when I went out. The flesh wants what the world has to offer. Who wants to be different from everyone else? 

But that’s what we were called to be...those of us who profess to claim Jesus as our savior. Matthew 7:21-23 goes on to say that there will be many who say, “but Lord, I did all of these things in Your name, for You, to bring You glory”, when in fact it was to bring glory and popularity to themselves and they lived double lives instead of truly living life as God requires us to. And those people were never truly saved in the first place, therefore they will not be recognized by God as His own and will not be permitted into heaven.  James 2:19 says that even the demons believe in God and tremble at the name of Jesus...just b/c you believe, doesn't mean you are saved. Think about that one.

I’m not here to judge anyone just because they sin differently than I do...or even the same way. We all sin. ALL of us. I have my own sins to deal with and that, along with single parenting, is a full time job. Do I think that life from here on out will be perfect and without stumbles and steps backward for me? Goodness no! I am not that naïve. I have been the perfect foil for the other side for so long. I know that this road is going to be a long one. But it is so much better to be FREE in Christ than to be a slave to the world.  

Maybe the reason is...

Rocked. My. World. I believe this is exactly RIGHT! God knows this is the single area in my life where I have the biggest temptation. Not gonna lie. That's where I've gotten myself in trouble in the past because I went with my emotions, full speed ahead, jumped in with both feet, used no restraint and absolutely, positively did what I knew to be against what God said in the Bible about intimate relationships. It wasn't until God really started getting hold of my mindset a couple years ago and not just my heart that it truly hit home just how very wrong I had been in the years past, and I have finally been living by what is in the Bible ever since. Easy? Not always. Not for someone who has lived opposite for pretty much all of her adult life.

Seeing this, after all the frustration I've been through as to why I haven't been able to find a relationship worth keeping, made so much sense. It was a huge DUH moment...the kind applied like a sledgehammer upside the head. That is His way of removing what is my biggest temptation and keeping me pure for the person He has had planned for me all along.

So I am working on being the person I need to be and preparing myself for the one HE has in store for me! I can't wait to see who it is b/c I know they will completely rock my world and be better than I ever could've dreamed! I'm asking him for a Job 29, Oneand2Blue kind of man while I am working on becoming a Proverbs 31, Oneand2Pink kind of woman.

Just like the verse scrolling across the top of my blog says, when you put God at the heart of it all and wait on HIS timing, it makes all the difference in your perspective of things. "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:14...

Rather be Single

Being out of a relationship for right at a year now, there are definite things I miss about being in a relationship. But sometimes love, no matter how strong, is just not enough. Sometimes the differences are just too great and people don’t want to compromise or bend or grow or you find out that you didn't have as much in common as you originally thought.

So you let go, you move on, and you work on becoming the right person for the RIGHT person because a successful relationship does not depend solely on *finding* the right person, but on *being* the right person. Working on oneself to become the right person is not easy...kind of hard at times, in fact, but you have to take an honest look at yourself and realize the one common denominator in your failed relationships is...you. Yes, most of the time it takes two to make or break a relationship, but, fact of the matter is that something wasn’t right on either side.

What made me choose...unwisely...each time? Why didn't any of the relationships last? Digging deep and being brutally honest, I’ve come to understand where I went wrong in my choices and why and now it’s about changing myself to make sure that

1. I don’t make those choice mistakes again and
2. that I am no longer that person. Besides, I know that when all is said and done, I won't be single forever.

After all, the BEST is waiting for me to be ready to handle everything I've been praying for. But, being single, for someone who truly enjoys being part of a couple, is not exactly my cup of tea - and single parent dating is rough! However, I know this much, from what I have learned in my experiences, I have come to realize that at the end of the day I would much rather be single right now than be with the wrong person. For myself and for my children.

A life of transformation

God has really started a big work in me. The first weekend in January I went to a www.Oneand2.com conference in Dallas. What happened to me was nothing less than mind blowing. Suffice it to say, that weekend was one of the most significantly impactful, intense and transformative weekends of my life. I'm not sure exactly what my expectations for this weekend were...I will just say that they were shattered. This is one of THOSE moments in life where you know that everything you knew or thought you knew and everything that you had been about and lived for is forever changed. So many will never understand. It's ok. It's about living out the change in all areas of your life. It's about being different b/c you have become different. For those who it has happened to it is one of the most profound moments of your life. Everything's changed. Thank God... :-D Romans 12:1-2

39 years on this earth...35 of them in Christ...and this is the first time I feel truly TRANSFORMED and FREE! It was a heavy, heavy weekend with much discussion on generational curses, “soul ties” with others you have been sexually involved with etc. and breaking those. And my experience in the breaking of them in my life that Saturday evening was profound, absolutely chilling at one point and in the next freeing beyond anything I have ever known or felt! And there was a point in that experience where I had to fight from crying that ugly donkey cry in front of 200+ people. You know the one...you don't want to open your mouth for fear that your sobs will sound like a donkey braying. LOL!

My encounter with God that weekend was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Even Emily said when I got home, "Who are you and what have you done with my mom? You're different. Like really different. You're happy. Kind of giddy happy, but happy happy. You're just different." I feel lighter, but heavier at the same time. The heavier is more like a deep profound feeling and weight of increased awareness, but I feel the absence of the weight inside of the very center of my chest, that I didn’t even realize it was there until it was gone, and filled with the most buoyant, light, carefree feeling I’ve ever experienced. My mom said that it was the Holy Spirit truly dwelling in me and being given free reign instead of always fighting with Him and myself with my worldly desires and selfishness of what *I* wanted.

She said that this is the breakthrough that she’s been praying for for me for years and years. There is such a difference in the way that I am processing things, that I am responding and reacting to things and how I am treating others. I SEE them differently. I SEE my responsibilities differently. Was I saved before? Absolutely no doubt that I was...but I never had that OH MY WOW experience that others have talked about having until that weekend.

During that weekend I was told by 3 completely different people, only one of those who even knew me, that they saw me going into ministry of some kind and helping others. My mom has been saying the same thing to me over the past years.

How God works and His timing is incredible to me. Why not before now? I don’t know. I guess it just became where I got to the point that I had to willingly give up my own fight and truly lay myself down on the alter at His feet and just say, “I truly surrender all. I’m done. I don’t want to do this with only part of You. Not my will but Yours...and not just ‘Your will for my life’ but ‘Your will...period. End of sentence.’”. It’s incredible what happens when you stop trying to fit God into the box of your life. Even a couple of months later I still feel like crying over the profoundness of it all...but the good kind of cry. LOL!