We have a problem...

We have a racism problem in this country. We have a problem with a lack of mobility between socioeconomic classes in this country. We have a problem with political leaders in both parties that cause further division daily, if not hourly, for political gain. We have problem with media that is more into shock and awe than into journalistic integrity, after all the more clicks the better. More clicks mean more money. It's us vs them and it doesn't matter to the politicians and media using these situations who the us or them is, as long as it benefits them in the long run. Meanwhile innocent people continue to die - for being black, for being gay, for wearing blue, and on and on. I said it last night. Hatred spawns hatred and violence begets violence. There is a war raging. And it is not only one that we can see, but it is one that cannot be seen and the enemy is taking great joy in the chaos and turmoil. (Eph 6:12)

And every day more people go home from work and/or school, into their houses, lock the doors and close the blinds, and isolate themselves from being part the world - from "in person", in "real time", in "face to face" encounters. We live in an "on demand" society, one that devalues people, and minimizes and erodes real person to person interactions, empathy and compassion. One where we can hide behind fake personas and a keyboard and, online, anybody can be someone other than who they really are.

I don't have any of the answers really, but I think we have to start by turning off the televisions and computers, getting out of our homes, getting involved and serving in the community, and getting our children out of their isolation. If we continue to segregate ourselves, our children model what they see, day in and day out, and pretty soon, we'll be right back to where we started before the Civil Rights movement of the 60s. Worse, we'll be raising children who don't know how to interact with others in real time, in real ways, with real empathy or compassion. We will have a society that forgets how to have respect for one another and more of the tragedies will occur because we will choose to isolate, segregate and mistrust instead of integrate, dialogue and get to know.

There are bad people in ALL races, genders and occupations, but that does not give us the right to mistrust and assume that everyone in that category is bad and paint them all with the same brush. There are BAD people out there. There are GOOD people out there. And here's the truth, we all have good and bad in us. Light and dark. Every one of us. It is our daily choices and which part, light or dark, that we choose to act on that defines us. As individuals and as a society. (1 John 2:8-11)

Is what is going on now how we want to be remembered in the pages of history? Is a legacy of hatred and segregation and violence what we want our descendants to see when they look around and wonder what has happened to the world as they live in a dystopian society? Or do we want to leave a legacy of healing and compassion and understanding on all sides, one that will flourish against the dark in this world? Darkness hates the light and flees from it. (John 1:5, John 3:19-21) Be the light. Be the example of good in this world. Be the example of what you want your children to grow up to be. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

But in order to do that and affect what is going on in the world around us, we have to step away from the technology, stop hiding, embrace the world that we live in, be the light, the change, the example, and teach our children to do the same. Everything you do matters...so live a life that you won't regret.

Little Eyes Are Watching You

Parents, what are you teaching your children? 

I mean seriously.

• "Too lazy to work" is NOT acceptable for the description under "worked at". They will look for the easy way and expect to get the success without the effort. That is so far from reality it's laughable.
• Skimpy clothing/bathing suits on children is the playground for pedophile's minds - and it's almost always someone that the child knows, adult or their peer, who molests them - trust me on this, I know this from personal experience. 
• Dropping the "F" bomb every other word will get more doors shut in their faces for GOOD opportunities than almost anything else. It's so unattractive and, regardless of their intelligence level, shows that they are anything but. 
• Disrespecting those in authority, your elders, those who are different than you, yourself...your spouse...will teach them to put themselves first instead of looking out for others, could land them in hot water with law enforcement, have them in and out of relationships and marriages because they expect to always be right and heaven help anyone who disagrees with them so POOF...divorce makes it "easy", and they will have the same issues with each relationship. So many parents talk to their children with disrespect. You are not dealing with an inconvenience, you are raising a human being who needs your love, your protection and your respect.

There are so many more but those are the ones I see online on Facebook and witness in person day in and day out. We teach our children what we are by our actions. Not by what we say; though what we say can break spirits and hearts. Your words have power, especially with your children, so use them wisely. Respond to your children. Don't react to them. That can shut them off to you faster than snapping your finger. Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. This is true for all ages. I don't know about you, but I like my house peaceful and not full of stress and strife.

It is always, always, always better to HAVE character than to BE a character. Proverbs 22:1 states that it is better to have a good name than to be rich and to have respect is better than having gold and silver. There are people that you know that when you think of them, of their behavior, even of their name you don't think very favorably of them, if the truth were to be told - even though you might consider them a "friend".

What happened to the good old days of teaching your children the values of respecting yourself and others - because if they truly respected themselves they wouldn't wear a lot of what they do (just sayin'), hard work, integrity, modesty, kindness to others, everything in moderation, honor and so on? When did those fall by the wayside and become "old fashioned" values? Those values NEVER go out of style!

You are their PARENT FIRST and their friend second. If they don't like that you discipline them now, they'll get over it later because they'll remember the lessons learned from it. I did. I hated it at the time, but I learned from it. Children NEED rules and boundaries. Why? Because it shows them that you care! If you let them get away with anything and everything, they will get into bigger troubles to try and get your attention to show them that you actually care for them. Go figure! Sounds crazy but studies have shown it to be true! Correct and appropriate discipline is a GOOD thing! But never discipline in anger. Again, that is the reactionary side of things. Respond. Don't react.

Another thing, don't talk down to them! The world is treating and talking to our children like they have PhD's and we still talk to them like they're in pre-school. Would you rather they find out about things like sex and STDs and drugs and drinking from their friends first or from you first? Young children don't need the details, just the basics satisfy them. As they get older you can answer with more. But if you are too embarrassed to talk to them about those things and the consequences, you can bet that their friends won't be and they won't be talking about the consequences. Be wise. Be a parent. Give them a reason to be able to trust coming to you with these questions. DON'T REACT! Respond.

Yes, I know I have been saying that a lot here, but it is TRUE! Responding gives them a safe atmosphere where they are comfortable talking to you. Reacting shuts them down and makes them think, "I can never come to her/him with anything because, WHOA!" And they check out.

Be the parent you want your children to be. They do what you DO, not what you say, no matter how many times we wish it were otherwise. But, if you are the person you need to be, then you won't have to wish it were the other way around.

Be ATTENTIVE to your children! Don't check out. The phone, the computer, your work, your friends...NONE of them are more important than your child. Spend time with them. Let them know that they matter to you. Children spell L-O-V-E as T-I-M-E. Don't be afraid to get silly with them. They love it and they'll love you all the more for it. It's hot, you're sweaty, it's raining, you're hair is frizzing? Suck. It. Up. They're only young once and time flies so don't blink or you'll soon had a tween or teen who doesn't want to spend time with you and you'll have lost out. Again, spend TIME with them, or you will find as they grow they don't have time for you.

It makes my heart hurt to hear and see what kids are doing and behaving like these days and I thank God every day that Emily and Nate are far different from most of what I see out there today. It's times like this that I really do miss Mayberry. I miss the values so clearly portrayed in that show. I wish that they were still the focal values in society today. I think we would be a whole lot better off if they were.

Do You Live Out In Your Life What Your Lips Proclaim?

There it is in BLACK and WHITE...I have been the biggest of these. Saturday night sinner. Sunday morning saint. Though, to be honest, that has been a while, nevertheless, I can remember in my teens through mid-20s going to church still drunk from the night before and pulling it off. But since my life has started the process of transformation in Christ, what used to not bother me in other's posts of being drunk and hungover now greatly saddens and disappoints me as in the next breath they post about how great God is and how much they love Him and are thankful.

 

That was ME. To a TEE. I sit here ashamed to have to admit...that was me. And it was amusing to me too.

 

At the time.

 

Though, I can no longer recall just why. Why is it amusing to comment publically, as an adult, how drunk/hammered/smashed/wasted/hungover you are and then post about how much you have to thank God for? How you love Him. How awesome He is.

Really?!?! Do you think people are buying what you’re trying to sell?

 

Because you’re sure not acting like you believe the words you’re posting. Neither did I. One post about God does not negate everything else that you’ve said about living anything but a Godly life. James 1:8 in the New Testament says, “A double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.” You cannot serve two masters. You can’t live for the world on Saturday night and then try and claim you live for Jesus Sunday morning. It just doesn’t work that way. Sorry folks. Who would believe you mean it? Who would want to follow YOU if you don’t present the spiritual walk consistent with your talk. All it seems to be is hot air and empty words when compared with your life and what pictures and comments you post about your wild weekend/party time.

 

Yes, God’s grace IS greater than all of our sins. But grace doesn’t give us license to sin.

People are watching...

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy street. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk. The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a police officer. He took her to the police station where she placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, the policeman opened the cell door and said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"

As Believers, we are always being watched. Remember that. We are often the only Bible that people will read, and as they say, actions speak louder than words.

What does it matter where they sleep?

You know, I’ve had a lot of people say over the past couple of years, “why don’t you make your kids sleep in their own beds instead of with you?” Well, as cramped as our small house is, not everyone has a bed of their own right now (Emily does, Nate doesn’t). But this past week it really hit home that having them share my king size bed by choice is a blessing.

Emily is at that age where she could be a snotty tween, anxious to be free from acknowledging her mom. Instead, she freely holds my hand in public and comes up to me to get big hugs from me and the past couple of nights, she hasn’t been able to get to sleep without asking to snuggle with me (which is a lot easier when Nate is not between us – LOL!) She is at a point where she needs reassurance from her mommy and love and acceptance. She is so wise beyond her years in many ways, but still is a sensitive, emotional child at heart. I know that all too soon those days will go by the wayside, most likely, so I cherish each request for a snuggle, each body ache from having her or Nate wrapped around me/draped over me as they sleep. It’s one part of this mommy’s way of giving them that unconditional love that every child needs.

Preemie babies thrive with touch and holding. It’s been scientifically documented that touch relieves pain and stress and preemies who receive frequent touch grow faster and have less health/medical issues. Touch is fundamental to brain growth and function in babies, so why wouldn’t it have the same stress/pain relieving effects on older children and adults? You know it does. How many times has the hug of a loved one helped you to feel better when your heart is hurting or your soul unsettled? With me, it’s like something falls into place. It is a balm to the pain, a calm to the unrest. At least that’s what I’ve found.

With Em last week and this week, she has struggled with the time change and has trouble finding sleep...until she asks me to snuggle with her. She’s out in less than 10 minutes. It is calming and soothing to be held, and I know that for my brainy, quirky, unique, brilliant babygirl, it helps to center her, feeds her need for unconditional acceptance and quiets her often chaotic thoughts. And for my whirling dervish that is Nate, it calms his effusive exuberance when it’s time to sleep and soothes his raging tempers; it takes away his pain. So confident is his belief that mommy’s kiss can cure anything, when he had that raging ear infection with blisters on his eardrum, his first thought was to try and get me to “tiss” it and make it stop hurting. Before any Band-Aid or ice-cube, it’s mommy’s hug and kiss he wants first to take the worst of the pain away.

So be free with your hugs, especially to your children. Even if they say they don’t want one, do it anyway. That one, simple touch, might just help cross a bridge you didn’t know was there. It lets them know that you care. And during their growing up years, that shapes so much of how they view the world. Make it a positive one.

It's about doing the right thing

You hear the sayings...probably have since you were a kid.

"Do what is right not what is easy"
"Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is right even if nobody is doing it"
"Always do the right thing because it's the right thing to do...PERIOD!"
Let me ask you a question. Do you find it easier to do the right thing or the wrong thing?

If you find yourself struggling with that, rest assured, you're not alone. Doing what you know you shouldn't was a big burden for the Apostle Paul. In Romans 7:15-19 he says "I don't understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the wrong things I do not want to do...this I keep on doing."

I know that for me, the more I have grown spiritually, the harder it is for me to consciously do the things that I know to be wrong or displeasing in God's sight. It is almost like nails on a chalkboard to my soul. And my mind and spirit nags at me when I do consciously choose to do the wrong thing to the point where I'm miserable until I go and correct the wrong.

So why be miserable? Why do what you know to be wrong in the first place?

Yes, often it is easier to do the wrong thing but part of growing up and maturing...not just in spiritual matters but in life...means taking responsibility for your actions. It may be hard. It may not be popular. You may be the only one doing it. But do the RIGHT thing anyway.

Be the example you want your kids to see and grow up to emulate. Choose to do RIGHT always!